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4.15 AVERAGE
4.15 AVERAGE
informative
reflective
medium-paced
This was my first time really digging into the topic of boundaries & it opened my eyes in a big way, especially with boundaries that involve other people. The scenarios made it helpful to process how to approach boundaries in various situations and I also learned how to better be a boundary supporter/responder towards others. I love the sentiment that understanding your own boundaries also sets you up to help understand & respect the boundaries of others.
“Direct AF and smart as hell.”
“Treat others the way you’d want to be treated.”
This was really helpful information for me and I definitely think it’s information that would be helpful for so many others as well. Highly recommend.
“Treat others the way you’d want to be treated.”
This was really helpful information for me and I definitely think it’s information that would be helpful for so many others as well. Highly recommend.
So many pieces of practical advice with realistic practice examples and various levels. I love the green, yellow, red mentality.
This is a very approachable book, and I may recommend it to a few people on similar or concurrent journeys to mine. I even briefly considered buying a print copy to highlight and share with a few family members, but I won't (more on that in a minute). The author is very open about her addiction and recovery, as well as the path to her success, and how learning to set, hold, and respect boundaries helped her along the way. Though my experiences have not intersected with hers, I have been known to be a people-pleaser and to allow myself to be trampled to keep the peace with people who took advantage of those tendencies, so I found the first part of the book very relatable.
I learned a few scripts for difficult situations where boundaries may be needed, but I've been learning and practicing a lot of this in my own therapy. There wasn't a lot of new information here for me, but for people less familiar with boundaries, I think this would be useful.
I saw a couple reviews and comments suggesting that the subject matter, methodology, and color schemes of this book were appropriated from [b:Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself|55782639|Set Boundaries, Find Peace A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself|Nedra Glover Tawwab|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1606923742l/55782639._SX50_.jpg|87002504], so I am going to make sure to read that one this year, too.
One section of the book put me off almost entirely. I had to stop reading for a day, and came back to it only reluctantly to finish and give a complete review. The section regarding self-boundaries came across to me as ignorant and demeaning. The author openly acknowledges that she is an "Upholder" on Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies scale, which means that she tends toward meeting both outer and inner expectations. As she explains, "I'm an Upholder, so if you tell me to do something, like start a 30-day dietary experiment, I can just do it, and it's easy. And when I say I'm going to do something, like not check Twitter before bed, I also just do that, and it's easy."
Friends, I am not ashamed to say, I paused there and swore profusely. "Oh, **** you." I have an alphabet of neurodivergence in my brain, and there is NOTHING that allows me to "just do it." I had a therapist tell me that the key to getting past my executive disfunction was to "Listen to Nike, and just do it!" and I fired her immediately. There is no such thing as a habit for me. Habits are, by definition, actions you perform automatically, repetitively, and without thinking. (Go check out KC Davis' TikTok for a recent discussion and revelations about this.) The only things I do automatically and repetitively are absolutely drowned in thoughts, because they are OCD compulsions. The things that most people do as "habits," I have to plan for, practice, talk myself into, and concentrate on throughout the execution of the task. I'm working on a rather long and involved blog post in response to the anger "when I say I'm going to do something... I just do it, and it's easy," triggered in me.
Furthermore, the idea that someone could just "decide" to get up earlier with boundaries and inner strength to make their lives more peaceful is wholly and truly ludicrous to me. Acknowledging that [b:The Power of When: Discover Your Chronotype--and the Best Time to Eat Lunch, Ask for a Raise, Have Sex, Write a Novel, Take Your Meds, and More|28449255|The Power of When Discover Your Chronotype--and the Best Time to Eat Lunch, Ask for a Raise, Have Sex, Write a Novel, Take Your Meds, and More|Michael Breus|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1470646857l/28449255._SY75_.jpg|48575276] quite literally changed my life and the way that I self-talk regarding my sleep hygiene and the ways that diet, activity level, and task management can affect my sleep, I will also say that the only way to maintain the schedule that I modified from Dr. Breus' book is by consciously, constantly thinking about each and every decision I make in a day, knowing that veering off the very strict diet and schedule will ruin up to a week of sleep for me. I've been practicing that schedule for over a year and a half, and it is NOT a habit, it is NOT automatic, and it still does NOT allow me to just "decide" to wake up 15 minutes earlier, let alone an hour. This is not an issue of holding boundaries for myself; this is a lifelong sleep disorder, and it's insulting and ableist to suggest that my inability to be awake before 8:30AM without a week of prep and extreme medical intervention is somehow a lack of self-discipline.
So, I didn't love it. I didn't hate it, and I honestly really appreciated it up until that section, but I won't be sending highlighted copies to my friends and family.
I learned a few scripts for difficult situations where boundaries may be needed, but I've been learning and practicing a lot of this in my own therapy. There wasn't a lot of new information here for me, but for people less familiar with boundaries, I think this would be useful.
I saw a couple reviews and comments suggesting that the subject matter, methodology, and color schemes of this book were appropriated from [b:Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself|55782639|Set Boundaries, Find Peace A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself|Nedra Glover Tawwab|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1606923742l/55782639._SX50_.jpg|87002504], so I am going to make sure to read that one this year, too.
One section of the book put me off almost entirely. I had to stop reading for a day, and came back to it only reluctantly to finish and give a complete review. The section regarding self-boundaries came across to me as ignorant and demeaning. The author openly acknowledges that she is an "Upholder" on Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies scale, which means that she tends toward meeting both outer and inner expectations. As she explains, "I'm an Upholder, so if you tell me to do something, like start a 30-day dietary experiment, I can just do it, and it's easy. And when I say I'm going to do something, like not check Twitter before bed, I also just do that, and it's easy."
Friends, I am not ashamed to say, I paused there and swore profusely. "Oh, **** you." I have an alphabet of neurodivergence in my brain, and there is NOTHING that allows me to "just do it." I had a therapist tell me that the key to getting past my executive disfunction was to "Listen to Nike, and just do it!" and I fired her immediately. There is no such thing as a habit for me. Habits are, by definition, actions you perform automatically, repetitively, and without thinking. (Go check out KC Davis' TikTok for a recent discussion and revelations about this.) The only things I do automatically and repetitively are absolutely drowned in thoughts, because they are OCD compulsions. The things that most people do as "habits," I have to plan for, practice, talk myself into, and concentrate on throughout the execution of the task. I'm working on a rather long and involved blog post in response to the anger "when I say I'm going to do something... I just do it, and it's easy," triggered in me.
Furthermore, the idea that someone could just "decide" to get up earlier with boundaries and inner strength to make their lives more peaceful is wholly and truly ludicrous to me. Acknowledging that [b:The Power of When: Discover Your Chronotype--and the Best Time to Eat Lunch, Ask for a Raise, Have Sex, Write a Novel, Take Your Meds, and More|28449255|The Power of When Discover Your Chronotype--and the Best Time to Eat Lunch, Ask for a Raise, Have Sex, Write a Novel, Take Your Meds, and More|Michael Breus|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1470646857l/28449255._SY75_.jpg|48575276] quite literally changed my life and the way that I self-talk regarding my sleep hygiene and the ways that diet, activity level, and task management can affect my sleep, I will also say that the only way to maintain the schedule that I modified from Dr. Breus' book is by consciously, constantly thinking about each and every decision I make in a day, knowing that veering off the very strict diet and schedule will ruin up to a week of sleep for me. I've been practicing that schedule for over a year and a half, and it is NOT a habit, it is NOT automatic, and it still does NOT allow me to just "decide" to wake up 15 minutes earlier, let alone an hour. This is not an issue of holding boundaries for myself; this is a lifelong sleep disorder, and it's insulting and ableist to suggest that my inability to be awake before 8:30AM without a week of prep and extreme medical intervention is somehow a lack of self-discipline.
So, I didn't love it. I didn't hate it, and I honestly really appreciated it up until that section, but I won't be sending highlighted copies to my friends and family.
Binge-listened in one day. Excellent examples provided at different levels of boundary-setting.
challenging
informative
inspiring
fast-paced
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
challenging
funny
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
Excellent book with scripts for how to approach all kinds of boundary conversations. Also helped me think about how I approach conversations when others set boundaries with me. Definitely recommend!