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1.4k reviews for:
Fair Play: Share the mental load, rebalance your relationship and transform your life
Eve Rodsky
3.53 AVERAGE
1.4k reviews for:
Fair Play: Share the mental load, rebalance your relationship and transform your life
Eve Rodsky
3.53 AVERAGE
I really think that if the filler had been removed, and that this should’ve been included with the card set. Most of it is explaining how the game actually works, and giving detailed descriptions on the cards, when I ended up ordering the cards after reading this book, I assumed the cards would have these descriptions on it. They do not. To be totally honest look up “Fair Play free Notion template” and that template has everything you need to get started. You don’t really need to read this book at all unless you prefer a book format to understand how to fully play the game.
I also love the overall idea of this, but I really disagree with the authors tone, and the way that she goes about a lot of the method. This sounds like something that would be really important for a couple on the brink of divorce to hear, but if you’re in a healthy, loving marriage, that shouldn’t be that difficult or that hard to break up these tasks.
One of my biggest complaints is the fact that she will not budge on asking for help with the execution of tasks. She recommends pre-planning and having the other person completely take over the card or asking for assistance from people other than your spouse. First of all, this is very presumptuous to assume that you would have help outside of your marriage, your spouse is your partner, and they should be the first person to ask for help not the last. Second of all, there are times where the execution of a task does not make sense for the person holding the card. For example, if my husband is in charge of auto, but he won’t have time to get to the DMV because of his work hours he may be able to set up my appointment and do all the things for me and let me know when something is due but I’m gonna be the one that’s going to the DMV. I shouldn’t have to take over the 50 other subtasks that fall under auto in order to make that work.
Again, all of this in theory is a great idea, but it just isn’t realistic in normal, everyday life. I think it’s best to take the ideas from this book and the card set and apply them in a way that makes sense for you and your family . If you feel the need for this much structure, I highly recommend marriage counseling over Fair play.
I also love the overall idea of this, but I really disagree with the authors tone, and the way that she goes about a lot of the method. This sounds like something that would be really important for a couple on the brink of divorce to hear, but if you’re in a healthy, loving marriage, that shouldn’t be that difficult or that hard to break up these tasks.
One of my biggest complaints is the fact that she will not budge on asking for help with the execution of tasks. She recommends pre-planning and having the other person completely take over the card or asking for assistance from people other than your spouse. First of all, this is very presumptuous to assume that you would have help outside of your marriage, your spouse is your partner, and they should be the first person to ask for help not the last. Second of all, there are times where the execution of a task does not make sense for the person holding the card. For example, if my husband is in charge of auto, but he won’t have time to get to the DMV because of his work hours he may be able to set up my appointment and do all the things for me and let me know when something is due but I’m gonna be the one that’s going to the DMV. I shouldn’t have to take over the 50 other subtasks that fall under auto in order to make that work.
Again, all of this in theory is a great idea, but it just isn’t realistic in normal, everyday life. I think it’s best to take the ideas from this book and the card set and apply them in a way that makes sense for you and your family . If you feel the need for this much structure, I highly recommend marriage counseling over Fair play.
I don’t want to give this just two stars because it’s not totally awful or anything, so I’ll rate this at a 2.49 so I don’t have to round up to three. This book could’ve been half the length, easily.
I didn’t read all of it. The fact that a woman had to write a book and create a game to get her husband on board with doing more around the house irritated me. And some of the quotes from men and how they view their wives...too depressing.
The overall concept is helpful, but it is written in a pretty unappealing style and to a narrow audience. This book could have been written in a much more inclusive way. Instead it’s all, trick your husband into sharing responsibilities. That’s not where we’re at - we are both overwhelmed and need to find a path forward together. This book gave us some ideas, but a good blog post could also have done that.
informative
reflective
medium-paced
I just couldn't get into it and had no desire to keep reading.
Maybe 1.5? Skimmed the last 2 chapters. Only helpful if you've never tried communicating about your problems.
More of a 2.5.
This book is geared toward married women with children who are looking for balance in their lives, finding themselves tasked with completely running the home. There's a lot of good in this book, particularly toward the beginning when Rodsky discusses things like emotional labor. The four rules of Fair Play (All Time Is Created Equal, Reclaim Your Right to Be Interesting, Start Where You Are Now, Establish Your Values and Standards) are good. She delves into toxic time messages and the importance of making time for yourself. There's definitely stuff of value in here.
My problem is largely with the game itself. It is very much weighted to couples with children; somehow "cleaning" is a single card, but there are separate cards for "meals (weekday breakfast)", "meals (school lunch)", "meals (weekday dinner)", and "meals (weekend)." Holding a card for the task involves conception, planning, and execution (CPE) of the task, and I can definitely see the benefits of that, but it is Not Acceptable to Rodsky to try to break that up. She is vehement about this, to the point that she says that if you can't execute a task (say, you planned a birthday party but can't pick up the cake), you should ask someone other than your partner to help. Asking the other partner is a Random Assigned Task (RAT), and that is BAD. In her world, breaking up the CPE leads to confusion and fighting. Maybe it's just that my fiancé and I don't have kids, but we do a lot of breaking up CPE (e.g., we plan meals and grocery lists together, but he's the one who does the shopping).
I also can't really imagine using this game for everyday life. Part of the game is checking in weekly to redistribute cards; a lot of the of cards aren't meant to be held by the same person every day, much less every week. And can even be broken up themselves--Rodsky gives the example of a child having a school project and despite Mom having the schoolwork card, gives the "card" for that project to Dad. This is because there was an example of Mom asked Dad to pick up some glue for the project on the way home from work, which he forgot, so Mom yelled at him for forgetting. It just seems VERY complicated.
That said, we probably will go through the cards to see where we are and how we can maybe redistribute some stuff around the house. But Fair Play as a way of life is not for us.
This book is geared toward married women with children who are looking for balance in their lives, finding themselves tasked with completely running the home. There's a lot of good in this book, particularly toward the beginning when Rodsky discusses things like emotional labor. The four rules of Fair Play (All Time Is Created Equal, Reclaim Your Right to Be Interesting, Start Where You Are Now, Establish Your Values and Standards) are good. She delves into toxic time messages and the importance of making time for yourself. There's definitely stuff of value in here.
My problem is largely with the game itself. It is very much weighted to couples with children; somehow "cleaning" is a single card, but there are separate cards for "meals (weekday breakfast)", "meals (school lunch)", "meals (weekday dinner)", and "meals (weekend)." Holding a card for the task involves conception, planning, and execution (CPE) of the task, and I can definitely see the benefits of that, but it is Not Acceptable to Rodsky to try to break that up. She is vehement about this, to the point that she says that if you can't execute a task (say, you planned a birthday party but can't pick up the cake), you should ask someone other than your partner to help. Asking the other partner is a Random Assigned Task (RAT), and that is BAD. In her world, breaking up the CPE leads to confusion and fighting. Maybe it's just that my fiancé and I don't have kids, but we do a lot of breaking up CPE (e.g., we plan meals and grocery lists together, but he's the one who does the shopping).
I also can't really imagine using this game for everyday life. Part of the game is checking in weekly to redistribute cards; a lot of the of cards aren't meant to be held by the same person every day, much less every week. And can even be broken up themselves--Rodsky gives the example of a child having a school project and despite Mom having the schoolwork card, gives the "card" for that project to Dad. This is because there was an example of Mom asked Dad to pick up some glue for the project on the way home from work, which he forgot, so Mom yelled at him for forgetting. It just seems VERY complicated.
That said, we probably will go through the cards to see where we are and how we can maybe redistribute some stuff around the house. But Fair Play as a way of life is not for us.
this has been on my list for a while so i was thrilled when a friend suggested we read it together and even bought me the book?!
I love Eve and all that she does to challenge the status quo of the division of labor in the home. i found this book quite repetitive and full of a lot of unnecessary antidote and general “fluff” but i get it ya gotta fill a book.
Eve is very wise and analytical and i gleaned many nuggets of wisdom from her. Adam and i are benefitting from what i’ve learned already! I would recommend this book to families with kids who want to level up their communication and make real time for each individual parent to THRIVE.
I love Eve and all that she does to challenge the status quo of the division of labor in the home. i found this book quite repetitive and full of a lot of unnecessary antidote and general “fluff” but i get it ya gotta fill a book.
Eve is very wise and analytical and i gleaned many nuggets of wisdom from her. Adam and i are benefitting from what i’ve learned already! I would recommend this book to families with kids who want to level up their communication and make real time for each individual parent to THRIVE.
Felt like I got the information I needed to use the cards and the rest of the book did not apply to my situation.