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dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
No
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
⭐️’s because the characters, dialogue, and descriptions really grabbed my attention & kept my attention. Plot? Unsure. Ending? No fucking clue.
There were times where I knew what was going on (especially at the beginning), and then there came a point where I no longer understood what was going on because the author talked more and more with metaphors and a lot of nuance. I’m actually genuinely not sure what’s real and what isn’t. Maybe that’s what the author wanted all along but I didn’t like it.
I didn’t really enjoy either of the characters. They were both pretty messed up, but I knew they needed each other in a very toxic way.
We jump from “I don’t want to talk to you.” to “That Brady guy in class? Let’s get him.” and then they’re planning a murder together. As simple as that. A mutual understanding. What? How? How was the assumption even established? There wasn’t even a conversation about it. I think Paul hit Julian really bad once (I really don’t know. Again, everything is very nuanced like we’re living in a daydream) and then they’re agreeing to kill someone so Julian doesn’t get hit again. Paul’s dad is dead by the way. I’m not sure how it matters.
The prologue is useless. I still don’t know if they actually hurt anyone. There’s two pages where I think they catch someone but then it says “they run” so I’m like okay? They were going to kill someone and they got away. Or maybe they didn’t because later Paul is taken it for questioning and they found a baseball bat. I didn’t know we were going to use a baseball bat and a sedative. The author didn’t tell us.
I read the whole damn book and I have to read a summary somewhere or someone else’s review because I feel like I don’t know wtf even happened.
There were times where I knew what was going on (especially at the beginning), and then there came a point where I no longer understood what was going on because the author talked more and more with metaphors and a lot of nuance. I’m actually genuinely not sure what’s real and what isn’t. Maybe that’s what the author wanted all along but I didn’t like it.
I didn’t really enjoy either of the characters. They were both pretty messed up, but I knew they needed each other in a very toxic way.
We jump from “I don’t want to talk to you.” to “That Brady guy in class? Let’s get him.” and then they’re planning a murder together. As simple as that. A mutual understanding. What? How? How was the assumption even established? There wasn’t even a conversation about it. I think Paul hit Julian really bad once (I really don’t know. Again, everything is very nuanced like we’re living in a daydream) and then they’re agreeing to kill someone so Julian doesn’t get hit again. Paul’s dad is dead by the way. I’m not sure how it matters.
The prologue is useless. I still don’t know if they actually hurt anyone. There’s two pages where I think they catch someone but then it says “they run” so I’m like okay? They were going to kill someone and they got away. Or maybe they didn’t because later Paul is taken it for questioning and they found a baseball bat. I didn’t know we were going to use a baseball bat and a sedative. The author didn’t tell us.
I read the whole damn book and I have to read a summary somewhere or someone else’s review because I feel like I don’t know wtf even happened.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Physical abuse
Moderate: Drug abuse, Drug use
Minor: Sexual content
dark
emotional
tense
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
I feel like I say this in all my reviews recently, but I simply adore insane, unlikeable people in books. This, combined with the intense plot lines and splendid writing, made my reading experience of this novel a very pleasant one overall. It gripped me right from the first chapter, and the more I got to know the characters the more I wanted to just keep reading and see where it all would lead (always with a sense of impending doom looming over my head though). I believe the author did a great job fleshing out each of them, even the secondary ones, thus adding a lot of depth and nuance to the story of the protagonists.
"And that's how it feels, it hurts, it's like I lost you before I was born"
The reason this didn't get 5 stars for me is firstly due to the pacing in the second half (I feel it dragged a bit more than it should've after the 55-60% mark), which made it lose a bit of the tension it had up until that point, and secondly due to some inconsistencies in the writing. Although I found it profound for the most part, some chapters and specific passages didn't deliver as well as others, which in turn made the characters seem incongruent; it felt like you'd gotten to know them behaving and speaking in a specific manner, only to then have some dialogue or inner thought that seemed out of place (for example,the writing in the whole interaction between Paul and Julian's parents read too YA in comparison to most, if not all interactions prior to that point).
Despite this I've grown attached to the main characters, and although it is a violent story in nature I could still see the tenderness woven throughout by the author. It was easy to sense how much thought and care they put into this book. These two will pretentious teens always haunt me, and honestly I'm happy about it.
"I need to make something beautiful, something that lasts. I don't know what, but I have to, if I want my life to matter at all."
"And that's how it feels, it hurts, it's like I lost you before I was born"
The reason this didn't get 5 stars for me is firstly due to the pacing in the second half (I feel it dragged a bit more than it should've after the 55-60% mark), which made it lose a bit of the tension it had up until that point, and secondly due to some inconsistencies in the writing. Although I found it profound for the most part, some chapters and specific passages didn't deliver as well as others, which in turn made the characters seem incongruent; it felt like you'd gotten to know them behaving and speaking in a specific manner, only to then have some dialogue or inner thought that seemed out of place (for example,
Despite this I've grown attached to the main characters, and although it is a violent story in nature I could still see the tenderness woven throughout by the author. It was easy to sense how much thought and care they put into this book. These two will pretentious teens always haunt me, and honestly I'm happy about it.
"I need to make something beautiful, something that lasts. I don't know what, but I have to, if I want my life to matter at all."
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Toxic relationship, Grief, Death of parent, Murder
Moderate: Homophobia, Self harm, Suicide, Violence
Minor: Animal death, Sexual content, Antisemitism
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
When I finished this book my immediate thought was "I have to re-read this". I listened it and I feel that some stuff I lost track of it, so thats why It took me by surprise that ending. I knew early on the story that these characters even though I was rooting for them, they wouldn't win. But not like that! It's a beautiful, heart wrenching story. If I ever reread it I will update this.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Self harm, Toxic relationship, Grief, Death of parent, Murder, Gaslighting
dark
mysterious
reflective
sad
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
No
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Wasn’t what I wanted and was so excited for it! Quite boring really for me, had to listen to audiobook alongside it to finish it
Content Warnings
Graphic: Bullying, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Violence, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Murder, Sexual harassment
dark
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Murder
Moderate: Homophobia, Death of parent
Minor: Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide
dark
emotional
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
I'm giving this book 4 stars only because the characters were so flawed and raw that I hated them so much. They got under my skin, as they did each other and there's something beautiful about creating characters like that.
I can't remember if there were trigger warnings but make sure to look them up before reading, it might be distressing to some people.
When I started reading this book I didn't see where it was going, it was unexpected at every turn, yet filled with an intangible fear of what was coming that kept you on the edge of your seat. This triggered my anxiety that I had to put this book down several times and even though of not reading it anymore because of all I was feeling.
And let's talk about that ending!!!!! I had to go back and read back some parts to see if it meant what I thought it meant. Beautiful.
Do I recommend it? Yes, but not to everyone. Read TW before you do.
I can't remember if there were trigger warnings but make sure to look them up before reading, it might be distressing to some people.
When I started reading this book I didn't see where it was going, it was unexpected at every turn, yet filled with an intangible fear of what was coming that kept you on the edge of your seat. This triggered my anxiety that I had to put this book down several times and even though of not reading it anymore because of all I was feeling.
And let's talk about that ending!!!!! I had to go back and read back some parts to see if it meant what I thought it meant. Beautiful.
Do I recommend it? Yes, but not to everyone. Read TW before you do.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Murder, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Sexual harassment, Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Grief, Car accident, War
Just too dark, I couldn't finish it in good peace tbh. I tried. The writing was good, the relationship was complex and morbidly fascinating, but it just went down hill way too fast near the end. Might clean it up later, might not.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Animal death, Child abuse, Death, Emotional abuse, Hate crime, Homophobia, Toxic relationship, Forced institutionalization, Kidnapping, Murder, Injury/Injury detail, Classism
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
This book absolutely destroyed me and will probably be my favorite for this year.
"All they were- all they had ever been- was a pair of sunflowers who each believed the other was the sun."
Maybe I won't ever recover from this book, maybe I don't want to ever recover. I adore everything about this book (Spoilerexcept the ending but that's because I was so deeply upset by Paul's actions and not because it was bad. I mean like, these violent delights have violent ends as Shakespeare once said. ). The writing is absolutely stunning, with characters as deep as the Mariana Trench. It explores a toxic gay relationship and the obsession and codependency woven throughout. Truly amazing AND A DEBUT NOVEL? I hope to see so much more from this Author because holy guacamole it was magnificent.
"I kill them because they're beautiful, and it's the only way I can keep them."
https://pin.it/7rETEO7Aj
"All they were- all they had ever been- was a pair of sunflowers who each believed the other was the sun."
Maybe I won't ever recover from this book, maybe I don't want to ever recover. I adore everything about this book (Spoilerexcept the ending but that's because I was so deeply upset by Paul's actions and not because it was bad. I mean like, these violent delights have violent ends as Shakespeare once said. ). The writing is absolutely stunning, with characters as deep as the Mariana Trench. It explores a toxic gay relationship and the obsession and codependency woven throughout. Truly amazing AND A DEBUT NOVEL? I hope to see so much more from this Author because holy guacamole it was magnificent.
"I kill them because they're beautiful, and it's the only way I can keep them."
https://pin.it/7rETEO7Aj
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cursing, Death, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Violence, Murder
Moderate: Grief
Minor: Suicide
I am more of a romance reader and the characters were just so young, and pretty cruel to each other. I knew the relationship would be toxic but it was more than I was comfortable reading between babies (they are both I believe 16 at the beginning even though they are in college, and both are 17 by the time I stopped). More suicidal ideation/talk than I expected as well.
For characters which had been set up by the story to have what seemed like a decent code of ethics, their behavior seemed incongruous. I thought it was going to be about them getting obsessed with each other, maybe exploring sadistic tendencies, and taking it out on people they thought deserved it but by this point in the book it seemed much darker than that. My warnings are not comprehensive
For characters which had been set up by the story to have what seemed like a decent code of ethics, their behavior seemed incongruous. I thought it was going to be about them getting obsessed with each other, maybe exploring sadistic tendencies, and taking it out on people they thought deserved it but by this point in the book it seemed much darker than that. My warnings are not comprehensive
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Suicidal thoughts
Moderate: Homophobia, Violence
Minor: Sexual content, Suicide, Antisemitism, Death of parent
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
I can understand logically how this book might not be for everyone, but I truly felt like the author extracted everything I want in a story from my subconscious and published it. Every word that has made it onto the page is painstakingly precise and visceral, every sentence knocks the air out of you and captures some sentiment you never even considered trying to articulate yourself. This book is, in essence, an autopsy of a volatile romantic relationship through the eyes of a boy clouded so severely by insecurity and the reality-bending superiority complex that said insecurity facilitates. It dissects queerness, isolation, obsession, the instability of identity, the nuances of seeking “importance” or “power,” and how we retaliate and shape our worldview and self image in response to social rejection. It reflects the complexities of social dynamics and performance so truthfully while simultaneously depicting the fantastical echo chamber that is Julian and Paul’s relationship and how it devolves into violence. It’s so much more insightful than I was expecting and is genuinely fantastic. And the ending is absolutely perfect. No notes. Some people may think it’s too slow/too long, but in my opinion the length is absolutely justified and I never got bored reading it. This is a new favorite for sure.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Physical abuse
Moderate: Murder
Minor: Suicide