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3.91 AVERAGE
3.91 AVERAGE
informative
reflective
medium-paced
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
I didn't think I'd like this book, or agree with this book, as much as I did. But I think I spent almost every sentence going "Yes!" and "Amen!" and "Preach!"
My partner is German, and I now have several in-laws raising small children in Berlin, so much of what this book describes was not news to me. In fact, it provided a very good "crash course" on modern Germanity, in addition to modern German parenting. For example, Germany's processing of its painful history - WW2 and the Holocaust - and how that acts as a morally damning counterfactual to America's refusal to process ITS painful history (slavery and the genocide/destruction of indigenous American culture).
But, just sticking to parenting, the main ideas here are that America has gone whole hog on "intensive parenting", "helicopter parenting", call it what you will. And that that is bad: rising anxiety for both parents and kids, narrowing down of "safe" kid options to screentime, etc. I didn't know about this until I became a parent but sheeeesh, the stuff you see on playgrounds is NUTS. The norm seems to be the parent that literally follows their small child around the playground, saying, "Why don't we play with this? Oh look, it spins! See, you can spin it! Do you want to try spinning it?" For the love of God, why are you telling your child how to play!? Every toddler interaction is mediated by the adult caregivers nearby - sooo many times have I seen parents acting as traffic cops telling one child to get off the slide, that child to slide now, the other child to wait. It's not the end of the world is the kids bump into each other on the slide! And so on. Why, once I saw a father with his pubescent kids - they must have been 10 and 12 or so - hovering over them by the swings, then by the slides, etc. He looked bored. I wanted to scream at him: LEAVE THEM ALONE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Anyway. Before getting dropped into this culture, I had no idea about it. I missed the memo. And it agitates me greatly. Things that were normalized when I was growing up - biking to the playground at age 10, playing there, wandering around - are now, literally (!), criminalized. It's absolutely bonkers.
I'm not the only agitated parent, of course; there's been the backlash to this trend via the free range parenting movement, and so on.
ANYWAY. What I like about Achtung Baby is that Zaske offers a powerful counterfactual - and this book is clearly a cri de coeur advocacy piece (which is why I think it rubs some of the critical reviewers' the wrong way). Zaske is as agitated and outraged as I am by the current American parenting culture. By offering Germany - or Berlin, specifically - as a counterexample, she highlights the insanity. Again, living with a German partner, I hear this on the daily. And it's true - when you're living in the "American exceptionalism" bubble - you sort of don't realize what's "normal" here may not be very normal in other countries. And that's valuable! We can take what's good from other places.
What I especially liked in Zaske's writing was:
(1) She frames the cultural difference as a fundamental philosophical difference between respecting children's rights (Germany) and not (America). That is, American helicopter parenting is essentially about control and surveillance: your child is your project, your mini-me, and - in the name of protecting them against the infinitesimally risky (e.g. child kidnapping) - you allow them zero freedom. The US is the only non-signee of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. Zaske explains that this is because American "parent's rights" groups objected to the rights of children to, e.g., NOT be hit (no corporal punishment), be a different religion from their parents, or have freedom of movement (!).
I had never thought about children's rights in this sort of concrete, political way before. But I was really compelled by Zaske's argument about how Germans frame their children as having a "right" to learn how to live in and explore their world. That is, by never allowing your child the freedom to take a, say, "risky" subway ride, you're sheltering them to the point of imprisoning them. You're stunting their development, to their own detriment. This is why, for example, homeschooling is illegal in Germany - the right of the child to be educated outside of their parents' narrow worldview is paramount. Indeed, homeschooling (which I have seen mostly among left-wing/liberal American parents) is viewed in Germany as a potential avenue for trapping kids in insular, fundamentalist corners of society (a la Tara Westover's upbringing, for example).
(2) Another thing I really liked was Zaske's strong framing of the macroeconomic and institutional forces which perpetuate each country's parenting culture. One of the criticisms of Bringing Up Bebe, for example, was that the author insufficiently attributed French parenting culture to all those great policies - the generous maternity leave, generous childcare options, and so on, all government provided. I thought she did a decent job, but Zaske is even more focused on structure and policy - again, this is how the book tips over into advocacy. She mentions organizations like LetGrow.org and policies like Common Core, and how they have important impacts on everyday parenting decisions and lives (e.g. having to hound your 5-year-old to do homework because of the academicization of kindergarten).
Highly recommended!
My partner is German, and I now have several in-laws raising small children in Berlin, so much of what this book describes was not news to me. In fact, it provided a very good "crash course" on modern Germanity, in addition to modern German parenting. For example, Germany's processing of its painful history - WW2 and the Holocaust - and how that acts as a morally damning counterfactual to America's refusal to process ITS painful history (slavery and the genocide/destruction of indigenous American culture).
But, just sticking to parenting, the main ideas here are that America has gone whole hog on "intensive parenting", "helicopter parenting", call it what you will. And that that is bad: rising anxiety for both parents and kids, narrowing down of "safe" kid options to screentime, etc. I didn't know about this until I became a parent but sheeeesh, the stuff you see on playgrounds is NUTS. The norm seems to be the parent that literally follows their small child around the playground, saying, "Why don't we play with this? Oh look, it spins! See, you can spin it! Do you want to try spinning it?" For the love of God, why are you telling your child how to play!? Every toddler interaction is mediated by the adult caregivers nearby - sooo many times have I seen parents acting as traffic cops telling one child to get off the slide, that child to slide now, the other child to wait. It's not the end of the world is the kids bump into each other on the slide! And so on. Why, once I saw a father with his pubescent kids - they must have been 10 and 12 or so - hovering over them by the swings, then by the slides, etc. He looked bored. I wanted to scream at him: LEAVE THEM ALONE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Anyway. Before getting dropped into this culture, I had no idea about it. I missed the memo. And it agitates me greatly. Things that were normalized when I was growing up - biking to the playground at age 10, playing there, wandering around - are now, literally (!), criminalized. It's absolutely bonkers.
I'm not the only agitated parent, of course; there's been the backlash to this trend via the free range parenting movement, and so on.
ANYWAY. What I like about Achtung Baby is that Zaske offers a powerful counterfactual - and this book is clearly a cri de coeur advocacy piece (which is why I think it rubs some of the critical reviewers' the wrong way). Zaske is as agitated and outraged as I am by the current American parenting culture. By offering Germany - or Berlin, specifically - as a counterexample, she highlights the insanity. Again, living with a German partner, I hear this on the daily. And it's true - when you're living in the "American exceptionalism" bubble - you sort of don't realize what's "normal" here may not be very normal in other countries. And that's valuable! We can take what's good from other places.
What I especially liked in Zaske's writing was:
(1) She frames the cultural difference as a fundamental philosophical difference between respecting children's rights (Germany) and not (America). That is, American helicopter parenting is essentially about control and surveillance: your child is your project, your mini-me, and - in the name of protecting them against the infinitesimally risky (e.g. child kidnapping) - you allow them zero freedom. The US is the only non-signee of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. Zaske explains that this is because American "parent's rights" groups objected to the rights of children to, e.g., NOT be hit (no corporal punishment), be a different religion from their parents, or have freedom of movement (!).
I had never thought about children's rights in this sort of concrete, political way before. But I was really compelled by Zaske's argument about how Germans frame their children as having a "right" to learn how to live in and explore their world. That is, by never allowing your child the freedom to take a, say, "risky" subway ride, you're sheltering them to the point of imprisoning them. You're stunting their development, to their own detriment. This is why, for example, homeschooling is illegal in Germany - the right of the child to be educated outside of their parents' narrow worldview is paramount. Indeed, homeschooling (which I have seen mostly among left-wing/liberal American parents) is viewed in Germany as a potential avenue for trapping kids in insular, fundamentalist corners of society (a la Tara Westover's upbringing, for example).
(2) Another thing I really liked was Zaske's strong framing of the macroeconomic and institutional forces which perpetuate each country's parenting culture. One of the criticisms of Bringing Up Bebe, for example, was that the author insufficiently attributed French parenting culture to all those great policies - the generous maternity leave, generous childcare options, and so on, all government provided. I thought she did a decent job, but Zaske is even more focused on structure and policy - again, this is how the book tips over into advocacy. She mentions organizations like LetGrow.org and policies like Common Core, and how they have important impacts on everyday parenting decisions and lives (e.g. having to hound your 5-year-old to do homework because of the academicization of kindergarten).
Highly recommended!
An interesting comparison between parenting styles and the culture of pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing encountered by the author in Germany and the US.
My husband and I read this book together and we enjoyed learning about one parent’s experiences raising children in Berlin. There are some good take-aways about giving children more freedom and responsibility. It was interesting to see her transformation as a worrying parent to one that was more laid-back. We always looked forward to reading this book.
I liked this book a lot because I am all about “free range parenting” (can this just be called RESPONSIBLE PARENTING??). I loved reading personal stories and having research given to back up the narrative. The overall book format reminded me of Bill Bryson, though this story didn’t really have a humorous base. I thought it was really inspiring - meaning I am inspired more than ever to keep on the RESPONSIBLE PARENTING path to raise a decent human, instead of hand-holding and impeding the development of a child with helicopter parenting. The research is so impactful - it needs to be pulled out and posted on billboards all over until our country finally learns from others. (I’m not holding my breath.)
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
Loved it. Having a five and three yr old, I am already beginning to see the signs of the over-academia in American preschools and Kindergartens. As parents, we often don’t given l our kids enough of a chance to figure things out on their own or allow them to make their own decisions. I will be referring back to this book often.
Full review to come - or not. I returned the book before getting all my notes from it! There was lots of data to back this up that I appreciated and I'm trying to be more conscious of letting my kids do things on their own, even if it means falling (literally or figuratively).
I really appreciated the author's approach to parenting and parenting styles across countries. She did not argue that one country does it better all the time, or that any of this is easy to do. Rather, she shared how difficult it was for her, and others, including Germans, to raise independent children. I appreciated her perspective in giving children their own rights and freedoms, and it helped me find a different perspective to parenting rather than reactionary and fearful.