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3.9 AVERAGE
3.9 AVERAGE
LOVED this book - SO refreshing! May not necessarily agree with everything, but overall an enjoyable read that was educational & motivating. Some favorite points:
-Great, balanced history lessons throughout (sometimes countries other than American can be the hero)
-Germany's stance on being anti corporal punishment for children
-Childcare benefits children, not just parents!!!
-“Children even very young ones need adults other than their parents. Parents are limited by their own characters and experiences in what we can teach our kids. Sometimes children need to be away from the influence and their parents to help establish themselves." YES!!! Just one of the reasons why homeschooling is illegal in Germany! Refreshing to hear!
-Benefits of Montessori techniques & mixed-age classroom
-It is OK to let a baby play by itself, schedule breastfeeding instead of on demand, etc. - Attachment theory is cultural
Least favorite part: I felt the author used the book as an opportunity to process her own experiences with childbirth, instead of presenting a more balanced perspective on the typical German experience. It ends up coming off as very unnecessarily negative toward hospital births.
-Great, balanced history lessons throughout (sometimes countries other than American can be the hero)
-Germany's stance on being anti corporal punishment for children
-Childcare benefits children, not just parents!!!
-“Children even very young ones need adults other than their parents. Parents are limited by their own characters and experiences in what we can teach our kids. Sometimes children need to be away from the influence and their parents to help establish themselves." YES!!! Just one of the reasons why homeschooling is illegal in Germany! Refreshing to hear!
-Benefits of Montessori techniques & mixed-age classroom
-It is OK to let a baby play by itself, schedule breastfeeding instead of on demand, etc. - Attachment theory is cultural
Least favorite part: I felt the author used the book as an opportunity to process her own experiences with childbirth, instead of presenting a more balanced perspective on the typical German experience. It ends up coming off as very unnecessarily negative toward hospital births.
An interesting look at German parenting philosophy. Recommended for parents interested in seeing how things are done in other cultures.
Another book along the lines of its French counterpart Bringing Up Bebe. The premise of both books is that Americans have a lot to learn about raising happy, healthy, independent children.
While Zaske acknowledges that parenting practices can vary a lot in Germany, there are still a lot of commonalities that she witnessed in her time living in Berlin. Basically, most Germans practice what we would call "Free-Range Parenting" (otherwise known as "parenting" in many European countries): they let their children walk to school alone at a young age, give their children the freedom to play without always hovering over them, and introduce scary topics and practices (like sex ed, drinking, and fire) with the idea that if children and teens learn how to handle these things safely, they will be less likely to engage in risky/dangerous behaviors when they are older.
She also delves into the cultural and educational history of Germany, highlighting how Germans truly own the atrocities of their past, and how they have learned from their mistakes and therefore have gone on to make real changes in their attitudes and beliefs.
I didn't agree with all the ideas though - in particular, I wasn't a fan of the way Zaske handled literacy. At one point, she interview a psychologist, who says "German middle-class parents will often engage their babies in dialogue as if they can talk back, even though they can't possibly answer. She also told me that American mothers in one study took this even further and read books to three-month old babies, who cannot possibly follow along, in a belief that it will help them learn later." Later Zaske mentions how there is no push to teach children to read until they are developmentally ready, which they believe in Germany is around 7-8 years old. After being initially offended by this, I read some studies that confirmed that if children are pushed to learn to read at a very young age, they will often come to dislike reading because it is "work." But I fear that people who read this will misunderstand the meaning to be "don't read to/with your child." While I completely disagree with her first statement - reading to your young infant is a wonderful way to bond, it lets them hear the sound of your voice, and yes, it does introduce the foundations of literacy and language (and as a librarian I must 100 PERCENT ENCOURAGE THIS), I can see why "teaching" your child to read at 4 years old through flash cards, repetition, and for-profit programs is counterintuitive. (But seriously, please, don't stop reading to your child and making books a fun and essential part of their lives.) This also echos how Germans feel about education in general: while in America pre-school and kindergarten have become academic classes, in Germany they take a more play-based approach for the first few years of school and let kids learn about subjects of their own choosing.
Germany's parenting philosophies sound like the way I would like to raise my child, but I can see how many American parents (myself included, an only child with a sheltered childhood, raising an only child with some special medical and developmental needs) are reluctant to let their children have this type of freedom. We are living in a culture of fear, and while I used to scoff at the memory of my mother letting me walk "alone" to school in 6th grade (just a few blocks away) and then following behind me in the car, I can now understand how hard it must have been for her to let go. It doesn't help that, as Zaske points out many times, American laws prevent us from being too free-range (she points out famous cases of parents who were arrested for making seemingly minor decisions about leaving their school-aged children alone).
As my son is growing up, I think I will need constant reminders to give him the freedom to make his own choices and be his own person, so this may be a book I end up purchasing.
While Zaske acknowledges that parenting practices can vary a lot in Germany, there are still a lot of commonalities that she witnessed in her time living in Berlin. Basically, most Germans practice what we would call "Free-Range Parenting" (otherwise known as "parenting" in many European countries): they let their children walk to school alone at a young age, give their children the freedom to play without always hovering over them, and introduce scary topics and practices (like sex ed, drinking, and fire) with the idea that if children and teens learn how to handle these things safely, they will be less likely to engage in risky/dangerous behaviors when they are older.
She also delves into the cultural and educational history of Germany, highlighting how Germans truly own the atrocities of their past, and how they have learned from their mistakes and therefore have gone on to make real changes in their attitudes and beliefs.
I didn't agree with all the ideas though - in particular, I wasn't a fan of the way Zaske handled literacy. At one point, she interview a psychologist, who says "German middle-class parents will often engage their babies in dialogue as if they can talk back, even though they can't possibly answer. She also told me that American mothers in one study took this even further and read books to three-month old babies, who cannot possibly follow along, in a belief that it will help them learn later." Later Zaske mentions how there is no push to teach children to read until they are developmentally ready, which they believe in Germany is around 7-8 years old. After being initially offended by this, I read some studies that confirmed that if children are pushed to learn to read at a very young age, they will often come to dislike reading because it is "work." But I fear that people who read this will misunderstand the meaning to be "don't read to/with your child." While I completely disagree with her first statement - reading to your young infant is a wonderful way to bond, it lets them hear the sound of your voice, and yes, it does introduce the foundations of literacy and language (and as a librarian I must 100 PERCENT ENCOURAGE THIS), I can see why "teaching" your child to read at 4 years old through flash cards, repetition, and for-profit programs is counterintuitive. (But seriously, please, don't stop reading to your child and making books a fun and essential part of their lives.) This also echos how Germans feel about education in general: while in America pre-school and kindergarten have become academic classes, in Germany they take a more play-based approach for the first few years of school and let kids learn about subjects of their own choosing.
Germany's parenting philosophies sound like the way I would like to raise my child, but I can see how many American parents (myself included, an only child with a sheltered childhood, raising an only child with some special medical and developmental needs) are reluctant to let their children have this type of freedom. We are living in a culture of fear, and while I used to scoff at the memory of my mother letting me walk "alone" to school in 6th grade (just a few blocks away) and then following behind me in the car, I can now understand how hard it must have been for her to let go. It doesn't help that, as Zaske points out many times, American laws prevent us from being too free-range (she points out famous cases of parents who were arrested for making seemingly minor decisions about leaving their school-aged children alone).
As my son is growing up, I think I will need constant reminders to give him the freedom to make his own choices and be his own person, so this may be a book I end up purchasing.
As someone about to have a baby this book is refreshing and pretty much counters all the advice I've received, something I'm very thankful for. After reading this book it's kind of a no-brainer when it comes to the question of why there are high levels of anxiety and depression across America. Zaske has a very enjoyable writing style and I highly recommend this book to any parent or curious person.
My children are 2 and 4, and this book was an enjoyable and important read. Thanks to the author and to all of the parents that help and support giving children the respect and rights they need and deserve.
This book raised a lot of interesting issues that I had never considered, and has made me look at some of the principles that I believe in, asking how do I expect to achieve those results? For example, I want to raise an independent, autonomous, self-reliant child; a kid that can get himself breakfast, takes responsibility for his school work, can self-entertain, resolve issues with other kids, and lets his parents sleep in on weekends. But I'm already questioning if I'll be able to resist his sad face and tears, and truly be able to let go and allow him to grow in the ways he needs to because I just want to make everything easy for him and give him the best life ever. (He's only 3 months now, so I'm not actually worried yet. lol)
I really enjoyed the author's perspective, personal anecdotes backed up by research, and I learned a lot of great ideas for raising a self reliant child! Her writing style was entertaining, non-preachy, well-researched (her bibliography at the end is extensive), and very personal and relatable.
Many of the concepts presented in the book would fall in line with what is called "free range parenting" in America. This is not something I know much about, so I learned a lot from this. Much of what she talks about is deeply rooted in German culture and history, which was interesting to learn more about; context is everything.
I looooved the idea of einschulung, this celebration of a kid's foray into school (coming out of the equivalent of pre-school). Instead of viewing school as a chore, something to dread, this celebration is like a school-focused quinceanera, a coming of age milestone. A ritualized introduction to formal school, the milestone marks more than the beginning of school but a new phase in the kid's life -- usually, it's an opportunity to exercise independence and responsibility in the form of walking to and from school by themselves, something that's very common in Germany, especially in the cities. (That's one thing we noticed in Holland, during our month long stay in the Hague; the trains were overrun with unaccompanied minors before and after school -- something that you just don't see often here in the States.)
I had no idea that American schools had become so rigorously academic, losing as much "play" as they have. Play has been proven over and over, in study after study, as an effective learning technique for people of ALL ages, so the fact that play is not routinely part of American elementary school, the way that it is in many German schools, is disheartening. I must now do more research into Waldorf and Montessori methods!
I've always scoffed at the helicopter parenting model but I'm coming to understand that it's evolved out of America's culture of fear. People lament that kids dont play outside anymore -- "When I was a kid, we rode our bikes every day!", those sorts of comments -- but this book, as well many articles I've read lately, show that the reason has less to do with the internet or technology and more to do with other people policing parents. Parents are fearful to leave their children unattended because other people call the cops or child services for leaving their kids 'unattended'. But kids need freedom and opportunities to exercise responsibility in order to grow into free and responsible people.
There are many ideas presented in this book that I will be keeping in mind as Skyler gets older, so I can raise an independent, responsible kiddo.
Some may see this book as another entry in the "Europeans do life so much better than Americans" genre, but I wonder if that could be a defensive interpretation by Americans who actually wonder, deep down, if the American way is the best/only way. The EU or German way is just different. One isn't better than another. We can learn from one another, and find things from different cultures to integrate into our lives to create a more well-rounded, balanced life. (Hygge, for one. The opposite of American workaholism, for another.) While I do think this book tended towards oversimplifying German culture, and many reviews by actual Germans contradicted many of the generalizations made by the author, the gist of her message is what's important and something that we can all learn from.
I think this was one of the better country/culture-specific parenting style books I’ve read. It takes you through the cultural perspectives of Germans and how it applies to the systems and ideas for child rearing and educating. In addition, this book goes beyond the basic infancy through elementary school and jumps into adolescence and higher education as well to show how far some familial principles are applied in German systems. In addition, this book also covers ideas that I’ve not seen covered in most other similar culture-specific books. Ideas like sexuality, death, history, war, nationalism, racism, religion, etc. are all things that the German system specifically plans for and has organized, yet flexible educational programs to teach. It’s quite an amazing and intriguing way to look at the more wholistic education of the child and discussing the role of parents in that education in a way that many cultures, North American ones specifically, completely have turned into taboo.
As such, this book presented some ideas and perspectives and systems that have been unique in my studies. I’m sure other cultures and countries apply similar systems and ideologies to some of these ideas as Germany, but they’ve not been discussed as well or as extensively as it was here. As such, I think this book has some new ideas to add to the conversation, specifically around tougher subjects, that makes this worth your time to explore.
As such, this book presented some ideas and perspectives and systems that have been unique in my studies. I’m sure other cultures and countries apply similar systems and ideologies to some of these ideas as Germany, but they’ve not been discussed as well or as extensively as it was here. As such, I think this book has some new ideas to add to the conversation, specifically around tougher subjects, that makes this worth your time to explore.
Excellent reminder of the importance of letting children experience life on their own, taking a conscious step back from what current day events or parenting styles in other cultures are gearing towards and keeping a realistic view of actual threats & dangers. I can see myself reading it again when I feel like I‘m drifting away from the ways I experienced myself as a child growing up.
Months ago I read a book on French parenting and now this. Both are Western European, but are different from one another and from American culture. These books are nourishing in me a fascination between understanding what are universal in parenting styles and what are preferences.
Though the book is obviously filled with generalizations, the part I can’t stop thinking about (especially in light of stories of my father-in-law’s rural German upbringing) is the independence factor. I’m experimenting more with nourishing independence in my two-year-old. I see helicopter parents and fearful parents and I want to be neither. I like that this book helped me clarify where my decisions are and aren’t based in fear of the world we live in.
I’m also making a more concentrated effort to get my kid outside more (with help from a Swedish mom friend who’s so good at this!). I spent some good childhood time outside but it doesn’t come naturally to me, and I want my daughter to grow up to love exploring and being outside.
I do recognize that the author is an American who appreciates aspects of German culture (rather than being German herself) but I’m also delighted that she admitted her preconceived notions and identified where she was wrong.
Though the book is obviously filled with generalizations, the part I can’t stop thinking about (especially in light of stories of my father-in-law’s rural German upbringing) is the independence factor. I’m experimenting more with nourishing independence in my two-year-old. I see helicopter parents and fearful parents and I want to be neither. I like that this book helped me clarify where my decisions are and aren’t based in fear of the world we live in.
I’m also making a more concentrated effort to get my kid outside more (with help from a Swedish mom friend who’s so good at this!). I spent some good childhood time outside but it doesn’t come naturally to me, and I want my daughter to grow up to love exploring and being outside.
I do recognize that the author is an American who appreciates aspects of German culture (rather than being German herself) but I’m also delighted that she admitted her preconceived notions and identified where she was wrong.
I liked this pretty well, for the most part - though I did start skimming by the end. More of a parenting memoir than a straight how-to parenting book (which is fine with me as I much prefer the former!). The American parents she knows are definitely, um, more high-strung than the ones I know, but I can't deny that those attitudes are part of general American culture.