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4.16 AVERAGE
4.16 AVERAGE
Phenomenal memoir. While I think everyone would benefit from reading this incredible book, I especially think its important for: (1) anyone looking to adopt children, (2) anyone looking to better understand the insidious nature of microaggressions, and (3) those who have struggled to find their way/identity/self in this world of where whiteness is constantly centered and valued above all else.
Despite the hypervisibility of being raised by white parents, among white siblings, in a white town, with access to her white birth mother, Rebecca is, in some ways, invisible. No one can see, much less relate to, how she is treated or experiences the world. Despite being alt-culture hippie types with actual Black friends, her parents don't seem to see race or make an effort to acculturate their daughter with Blackness. Feeling isolated in her ultrawhite town, Rebecca becomes closer with her birth mother, Tess, who lives in a New Hampshire city. Tess, because she has had romantic relationships with men of color, and because her kids are of color, is an expert on Blackness, informing Rebecca that she, herself, is not authentically Black. Yet somehow Rebecca is in Tess's thrall.
As she gets older, Rebecca eventually meets, befriends, and dates other Black people and becomes interested and gains expertise in popular Black culture, literature, and history, but it takes a long time for her to stop trying to please Tess and her parents' versions of her and her reality.
The book is a struggle in some ways, like living it was for the author, and, spoiler, good people aren't always good parents.
As she gets older, Rebecca eventually meets, befriends, and dates other Black people and becomes interested and gains expertise in popular Black culture, literature, and history, but it takes a long time for her to stop trying to please Tess and her parents' versions of her and her reality.
The book is a struggle in some ways, like living it was for the author, and, spoiler, good people aren't always good parents.
Cocooned within a whiteness where my brown skin was mocha-colored, I spoke with an inflection similar to that of my white brother and sister, and my adult guardians were welcomed and centered wherever we went. I was being ushered through my life via the powerful passport of white privilege. 35
That, Elijah said, is what racism is, and how racism works. It gives white people the power to interpret or outright co-opt our experiences, our voices and identities, as they like, whenever they like. 159
Someone willing to immerse himself in the structural and racial disparities that have existed for time immemorial, who understands, because he's taken the time to read and research, that black history is American history, and that there are a million different black stories and histories that have never been told by design. For the average white person in America, even and perhaps especially the average white liberal person who thinks they are on the right side of racial issues, the privilege is too entrenched. The work and humility required to fully understand systemic racism in this country holds no realistic appeal. 309
That, Elijah said, is what racism is, and how racism works. It gives white people the power to interpret or outright co-opt our experiences, our voices and identities, as they like, whenever they like. 159
Someone willing to immerse himself in the structural and racial disparities that have existed for time immemorial, who understands, because he's taken the time to read and research, that black history is American history, and that there are a million different black stories and histories that have never been told by design. For the average white person in America, even and perhaps especially the average white liberal person who thinks they are on the right side of racial issues, the privilege is too entrenched. The work and humility required to fully understand systemic racism in this country holds no realistic appeal. 309
An excellent first read for 2022, though I started it in 2021. This book is beautifully written, the narration sweeps you into her story. The writing alone earns it a five star rating.
But the subject matter, it is what I, as a white person, need to hear. There were a lot of white people in this book who love her, but who were both overtly racist, but more consistently implicitly racist, tokenizing her, misunderstanding her, labeling her, or minimizing her experience. Black people deserve so much better. Her unique experience being so close to whiteness and trying to understand her Blackness was really powerful to read and leaves me looking at how I can do better.
But the subject matter, it is what I, as a white person, need to hear. There were a lot of white people in this book who love her, but who were both overtly racist, but more consistently implicitly racist, tokenizing her, misunderstanding her, labeling her, or minimizing her experience. Black people deserve so much better. Her unique experience being so close to whiteness and trying to understand her Blackness was really powerful to read and leaves me looking at how I can do better.
Thank you to Simon and Schuster Canada and NetGalley for my advanced readers copies of [b:Surviving the White Gaze: A Memoir|42198554|Surviving the White Gaze A Memoir|Rebecca Carroll|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1601137185l/42198554._SY75_.jpg|65807938] by [a:Rebecca Carroll|276671|Rebecca Carroll|https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png] in exchange for my honest review.
A powerful memoir recounting Rebecca’s experience as the only Black person in rural New Hampshire. Surviving the White Gaze examines racism and racial identity in America today, while highlighting Rebecca’s resilient story.
Another tough one, but another must-read memoir to add to your list. Carroll’s writing style is both easy-to-read and engaging. Without sharing the whole story, Carroll’s relationships and tough upbringing ultimately showcase the story of her resiliency and strength, as she heals with the support of her chosen Black family.
(potential spoilers ahead)
A lot of this memoir shares background stories of the relationships she shared with both her romantic partners and parents (adoptive and birth). As Carroll grows up and yearns to meet her birth parents, after her reunion with her birth mother, Tess, and time spent together, my heart aches for the toxicity and lack of support Carroll received from Tess. It was also tough to read about the lack of support and education her parents provided to learn about Black culture; as well as the microaggressions and racism she faced growing up as one of/the only Black people in her small town.
Content warning: shooting, suicide, child molestation allegation, self-harm, emotional abuse, manupulation, sexual assault and harrassment, depression, substance abuse, 9/11 mention, adoption, racism, body triggers
A powerful memoir recounting Rebecca’s experience as the only Black person in rural New Hampshire. Surviving the White Gaze examines racism and racial identity in America today, while highlighting Rebecca’s resilient story.
Another tough one, but another must-read memoir to add to your list. Carroll’s writing style is both easy-to-read and engaging. Without sharing the whole story, Carroll’s relationships and tough upbringing ultimately showcase the story of her resiliency and strength, as she heals with the support of her chosen Black family.
(potential spoilers ahead)
Spoiler
A lot of this memoir shares background stories of the relationships she shared with both her romantic partners and parents (adoptive and birth). As Carroll grows up and yearns to meet her birth parents, after her reunion with her birth mother, Tess, and time spent together, my heart aches for the toxicity and lack of support Carroll received from Tess. It was also tough to read about the lack of support and education her parents provided to learn about Black culture; as well as the microaggressions and racism she faced growing up as one of/the only Black people in her small town.
Content warning: shooting, suicide, child molestation allegation, self-harm, emotional abuse, manupulation, sexual assault and harrassment, depression, substance abuse, 9/11 mention, adoption, racism, body triggers
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced