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4.16 AVERAGE
4.16 AVERAGE
It is a true honor to read this book written by Rebecca Carroll, a transracial adoptee. Her experience as a biracial adoptee in a (nearly entirely) white community demonstrates to me how important it is to not just expose children to people they can "relate" to but also to provide people who can serve as role models. Had Rebecca's family been more involved in honoring her heritage (instead of just superficially commenting on it), maybe she would not have had such a long period of confusion and loss in her life.
In addition, the story of her relationship with her birth mother was fascinating and infuriating. I'm not certain what could have been done, but it seems that there needs to be some sort of engagement by parents to hear what adoptees are experiencing when in the care of their first families. Some of the things that her mother said and did were unacceptable for Rebecca's age and seemed to hurt her even more deeply than her adoptive parents.
In addition, the story of her relationship with her birth mother was fascinating and infuriating. I'm not certain what could have been done, but it seems that there needs to be some sort of engagement by parents to hear what adoptees are experiencing when in the care of their first families. Some of the things that her mother said and did were unacceptable for Rebecca's age and seemed to hurt her even more deeply than her adoptive parents.
challenging
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
Sometimes what you learn from a book might not necessarily be what the author is trying to teach you. When my husband and I were trying to adopt, we had a social worker who refused to consider letting us adopt a Black little girl. No reason was given. No one had previously mentioned it being an issue and we were confused as we felt we could open our home and hearts to this child. Reading this book, I recognized some of the issues that concerned that social worker. I knew that we were aware of some of those issues already and had plans in place to mitigate them (Black friends, a relationship with a hair salon that did Black hair, a willingness to embrace a culture other than our own, a diverse neighborhood and school, etc). Despite all our preparations, we probably would have still done what happened with Rebecca: we would have raised our Black daughter as though she were White. Sometimes I wonder where that little girl is and hope she is doing well. I would like to assume we would not have traumatized her in the same manner Ms. Carroll's birth mother did. The idea that her mom was offended when Ms. Carroll stated that she identified as Black when society has constantly imposed a "one drop" rule summed up their entire dynamic. And I do feel that some of the trauma Ms. Carroll felt (mainly dealing with teen boys) is more universal and not related to her skin color. But that is how she perceived it and that is what is important. Ms. Carroll opens herself up and helps the reader understand how relationships can impact a person's self view.
challenging
emotional
sad
fast-paced
Painful and relatable. Surviving the White Gaze tells the story of Carroll, a mixed race (black birth father, white birth mother) transracial adoptee. Carroll details her experience growing up in a conservative, racist town. The difficulties her parents, friends, and partners had discussing and understanding race, and the outright racism and manipulation of her birth mother. This memoir is messy in the way honesty often is. Can't recommend it enough.
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
relaxing
sad
tense
fast-paced
Worst parents behind the ones from the glass castle
slow-paced
This memoir gave me so much to think about. I tried to read it without reacting, letting Carroll's experience speak for itself. The immense trauma, heartbreak, and pain she experienced as a Black woman will break you open. So good.
adventurous
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
WOW. So many hard and agonizing emotions! Really powerful and raw perspective with razor sharp analysis.
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
fast-paced