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4.16 AVERAGE
4.16 AVERAGE
Rebecca expresses many of the same thoughts and feelings that my adopted therapy clients have: grief, anger, disillusionment, and great pain. Her story should be read by anybody considering adoption, but particularly by white parents looking to adopt non-white kids.
A beautiful memoir that I think is an important read for white people, especially any white person parenting a child of another race.
It is a true honor to read this book written by Rebecca Carroll, a transracial adoptee. Her experience as a biracial adoptee in a (nearly entirely) white community demonstrates to me how important it is to not just expose children to people they can "relate" to but also to provide people who can serve as role models. Had Rebecca's family been more involved in honoring her heritage (instead of just superficially commenting on it), maybe she would not have had such a long period of confusion and loss in her life.
In addition, the story of her relationship with her birth mother was fascinating and infuriating. I'm not certain what could have been done, but it seems that there needs to be some sort of engagement by parents to hear what adoptees are experiencing when in the care of their first families. Some of the things that her mother said and did were unacceptable for Rebecca's age and seemed to hurt her even more deeply than her adoptive parents.
In addition, the story of her relationship with her birth mother was fascinating and infuriating. I'm not certain what could have been done, but it seems that there needs to be some sort of engagement by parents to hear what adoptees are experiencing when in the care of their first families. Some of the things that her mother said and did were unacceptable for Rebecca's age and seemed to hurt her even more deeply than her adoptive parents.
Narrator tells story of her life-black girl adopted by free living white professor and wife in New Hampshire. Her relationship with her white mom (teen mother), her white parents, her white friends, men, teachers-all seen thru lens of black girl looking at sea of white. Heartbreaking on so many levels
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
fast-paced
I had to read this memoir. The experience of living in rural New Hampshire as a bi-racial child adopted into a white family in the Civil Rights era is fascinating and wildly presumptuous of Carroll's parents. Without any perspective of the enormity of the social adjustment required of this child and the ignorance of the responsibility they had taken on as parents, it is a wonder of self-reflection and good writing. Rebecca Carroll has written a personal history and a deeper truth describing the white priviledge the pervades our society in the United States.
This was a powerfully raw memoir that I recommend to everyone, but particularly white people if I may be brutally frank here. This is a story about Rebecca (Beck) who was adopted by a white family who settled in New Hampshire (talk about a lily white state), but is an African American. She describes vividly her need for identity, community, and to feel like she fits in. I found her descriptions regarding her college years particularly fascinating because she truly figured out a lot of things she wanted and did not want during that time period, something a lot of what people go through in their 20's as well. Her adopted parents were hippy parents who were a bit too nonchalant, but her birth mother whom she eventually meets and forms a relationship with was an absolute piece of work. If you are looking for a Hallmark warm touching reunion, this is certainly not it. But that is what it made all the more real for me that it wasn't so cookie cutter. Her poor birth father. It seemed like she wished she had had more time with him and he seemed genuinely like a good person. Take note who she thanks in her acknowledgments and who she does not. It is telling to say the least.
This book won't stop churning my heart and mind. It was so tough and beautiful, but also gut-wrenching. So thankful for stories and truths that are necessary to be told and heard. Important book in terms of understanding black identity in America and transracial parenting/adoption.
2.5
I really struggle to review memoirs that I don't enjoy and that are about experiences so incredibly different than my own. I admire Carroll and appreciate her ability to share her story and difficult family history; I recognize that she doesn't owe us her pain or healing. However, the writing style and structure was not really for me. At times it seems that she had this profound ability to process racism and trauma at a very young age while still going through it and other times it felt like she was just sharing things that happened to her without reflection or narrative purpose.
I really struggle to review memoirs that I don't enjoy and that are about experiences so incredibly different than my own. I admire Carroll and appreciate her ability to share her story and difficult family history; I recognize that she doesn't owe us her pain or healing. However, the writing style and structure was not really for me. At times it seems that she had this profound ability to process racism and trauma at a very young age while still going through it and other times it felt like she was just sharing things that happened to her without reflection or narrative purpose.