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4.16 AVERAGE
4.16 AVERAGE
Thought provoking look at bias and prejudice, white privilege and family dynamics.
I can’t honestly rate this for reasons I’ll tell you in person if I ever meet or see you but I honestly I hated it even when putting aside all my biases as much as humanly possible.
Intrigued? Don’t be. It’s fine.
Intrigued? Don’t be. It’s fine.
I appreciate Rebecca Carroll sharing her journey as she navigated growing up a Black woman in rural, white New Hampshire in a white family that didn't "see color" and as she navigated a complicated relationship with her white birth mother, who was emotionally and mentally abusive, and as she discovered and embraced her Blackness.
I cheered every time she made connections with Black peers and mentors as she sought out Black culture and found what was missing in her childhood.
That’s where I wanted to get, I thought, that resolute confidence and self-awareness that comes with being black, owning it, and willfully denouncing white supremacy. In the same way that Elijah had taught me there was more than one way to be black, Michael taught me, and more important made me feel, that who I was was black enough.
I felt awful for her in most of her interactions with her birth mother and with her childhood peers as she craved acceptance for who she is but was failed by everyone who couldn't see the real her. Adoptee voices are so important in changing the narrative of adoption, and I'm a better parent having read this.
It wasn’t just that my siblings and parents didn’t see me; it was that they didn’t see race or think about blackness, mine or anyone else’s, and I felt like I deserved that, at the very least. To be adopted into a white family that did not see or care or think about my blackness or my experience navigating a racist country had always felt lonely and isolating, endlessly confusing, but now it just felt cruel.
I cheered every time she made connections with Black peers and mentors as she sought out Black culture and found what was missing in her childhood.
That’s where I wanted to get, I thought, that resolute confidence and self-awareness that comes with being black, owning it, and willfully denouncing white supremacy. In the same way that Elijah had taught me there was more than one way to be black, Michael taught me, and more important made me feel, that who I was was black enough.
I felt awful for her in most of her interactions with her birth mother and with her childhood peers as she craved acceptance for who she is but was failed by everyone who couldn't see the real her. Adoptee voices are so important in changing the narrative of adoption, and I'm a better parent having read this.
It wasn’t just that my siblings and parents didn’t see me; it was that they didn’t see race or think about blackness, mine or anyone else’s, and I felt like I deserved that, at the very least. To be adopted into a white family that did not see or care or think about my blackness or my experience navigating a racist country had always felt lonely and isolating, endlessly confusing, but now it just felt cruel.
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
I really loved this book and read it quickly. It's a genre I have tended to like - memoir of a dysfunctional upbringing; here intertwined (or driven by) a transracial adoption living in a very white world - both the adoptive parents and her birth mother...
Understanding the world she lived within and illuminating her daily life and 'differentness' and her exploration and then owning her identity was powerful.
I have heard her interviewed and she is a strong voice with myriad insights for many of us.
Understanding the world she lived within and illuminating her daily life and 'differentness' and her exploration and then owning her identity was powerful.
I have heard her interviewed and she is a strong voice with myriad insights for many of us.
This was a powerful story, full of emotional depth and probably something one should read before embarking on a transracial adoption. Beautifully written.
I couldn't stop reading this...(tho there were a few days I didn't get around to reading anything) and I was very invested in the narrative and learning about the author's story.
Rebecca Carroll's story of growing up as a biracial Black girl then woman under the white gaze is as good as Roxane Gay promised. <3
It's a fucked up story (because racism & white supremacy are so fucked up) and the book is beautifully written and keeps you engaged the whole way through. I will be seeking out her other work, and she introduced a LOT of other Black female authors that inspired her (time to go find their works too!)
Rebecca Carroll's story of growing up as a biracial Black girl then woman under the white gaze is as good as Roxane Gay promised. <3
It's a fucked up story (because racism & white supremacy are so fucked up) and the book is beautifully written and keeps you engaged the whole way through. I will be seeking out her other work, and she introduced a LOT of other Black female authors that inspired her (time to go find their works too!)
"For the average white person in America, even and perhaps especially the average white liberal person who thinks they are on the right side of racial issues, the privilege is too entrenched. The work and humility required to fully understand systemic racism in this country holds no realistic appeal. Most white people go straight to their own sense of guilt and then don't know how to manage their feelings from there, as we've seen play out over and over again in the 'woke' era of 2020." (pg. 310)
In this memoir, the author is candid about her interactions with the people that made her life harder than it should have been: clueless and inattentive white adoptive parents; a maliciously narcissistic birth mother; and men who loved and/or abused her.
A heart-wrenching memoir that we can learn from if we want to do so.
In this memoir, the author is candid about her interactions with the people that made her life harder than it should have been: clueless and inattentive white adoptive parents; a maliciously narcissistic birth mother; and men who loved and/or abused her.
A heart-wrenching memoir that we can learn from if we want to do so.
Really enjoyed this one. I could relate in some ways, but it made me really thankful for my mother. There is a richness in the complexity of people’s relationship to race that the author is able to articulate and dissect with grace thru the telling of her own interpersonal relationships as a biracial woman with adoptive and natural parents still in her life.
This is a necessary read for any non-Black person raising a Black child.
This book highlights the often overlooked ways that biracial and Black adopted children are impacted by being raised in predominantly white communities with limited to no exposure to Black culture and influences.
It’s unfortunate that even as information became more available, your white parents still chose to ignore the racism of this country and the ways they contribute to it; and the harm they caused you in the process.
This book highlights the often overlooked ways that biracial and Black adopted children are impacted by being raised in predominantly white communities with limited to no exposure to Black culture and influences.
It’s unfortunate that even as information became more available, your white parents still chose to ignore the racism of this country and the ways they contribute to it; and the harm they caused you in the process.