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lattelibrarian's review against another edition
4.0
Perhaps this book all comes down to this: there is no one way to grieve, and there is no wrong way to grieve.
Taking information from various studies he's learned from and conducted, Bonanno analyzes the 5 stages of grief, and how they do not account for the entire grieving process. Taken from his subject's stories (with their permission) he recounts the times in which the 5 stages of grief seem almost nonexistent, from someone who didn't seem to grieve at all, to someone who couldn't stop grieving even after 3 years. Through the ups and downs, nobody's grieving ever looks the same, and grief will always be different considering how death can shatter all sorts of relationships around us. For instance, our grief for our mother may be different than the grief we have for our father. Who's to say?
Certainly, though grieving doesn't necessarily look the same to everyone, he does suggest trying to get a sense of normalcy without pushing it. If you're feeling depressed, you have every right to be! Someone just died! But try not to feel guilty over laughing about a stupid internet joke. It's okay to still feel happiness and joy in the midst of the grieving process, and Bonanno wants you to remember that.
This was a really interesting book for me. I feel like I read a lot of nonfiction about death and dying, but not as much about the grieving process, save for a chapter or two in larger works about how our culture feels about the process of death. So, this book certainly gave me a lot of new information to think about, and in a really palatable way, as well.
Review cross-listed here!
Taking information from various studies he's learned from and conducted, Bonanno analyzes the 5 stages of grief, and how they do not account for the entire grieving process. Taken from his subject's stories (with their permission) he recounts the times in which the 5 stages of grief seem almost nonexistent, from someone who didn't seem to grieve at all, to someone who couldn't stop grieving even after 3 years. Through the ups and downs, nobody's grieving ever looks the same, and grief will always be different considering how death can shatter all sorts of relationships around us. For instance, our grief for our mother may be different than the grief we have for our father. Who's to say?
Certainly, though grieving doesn't necessarily look the same to everyone, he does suggest trying to get a sense of normalcy without pushing it. If you're feeling depressed, you have every right to be! Someone just died! But try not to feel guilty over laughing about a stupid internet joke. It's okay to still feel happiness and joy in the midst of the grieving process, and Bonanno wants you to remember that.
This was a really interesting book for me. I feel like I read a lot of nonfiction about death and dying, but not as much about the grieving process, save for a chapter or two in larger works about how our culture feels about the process of death. So, this book certainly gave me a lot of new information to think about, and in a really palatable way, as well.
Review cross-listed here!
bupdaddy's review against another edition
4.0
I like the premise - in brief, it's that most people are resilient when it comes to loss - not just death of a loved one, but all kinds of stress and hazards in life. He posits that the belief that if you don't do "enough" grieving now, it'll come back worse later, is largely myth. So long as the level of grief isn't avoidance, but is really just a reflection of one's nature, then lay off the person. They're doing fine.
After 150 pages of that, though, he kind of goes off the rails, and it seems randomly covers grief in other cultures, particularly the far east. He defends it, but I think he just needed something else to get to 200 pages, which somebody said he had to do.
Still, a good read, and it's handed me back a lot of self-confidence in my own loss, and in protecting my kids from well-meaning others who want them to be more distraught.
After 150 pages of that, though, he kind of goes off the rails, and it seems randomly covers grief in other cultures, particularly the far east. He defends it, but I think he just needed something else to get to 200 pages, which somebody said he had to do.
Still, a good read, and it's handed me back a lot of self-confidence in my own loss, and in protecting my kids from well-meaning others who want them to be more distraught.
elleunchained's review against another edition
3.0
I couldn't finish it to be honest. The tone felt too invalidating for how early I was in the grief process. Probably all me and not the book but I'm done with it.
ethanawang's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
lucymcclellan's review against another edition
4.0
I found a lot that was useful and hopeful here. Some parts I skipped completely because they don't apply to me at all. This book is clearly meant to present the author's research and contribute to the overall understanding of how grief works, rather than to guide people who are actively grieving. Still, I found it helpful to read about people surviving their grief and basically functioning well relatively quickly--I need something to give me hope! I can understand why some newly bereaved people would not find this comforting, though--just depends what you need and are ready to hear.
wrenduggan's review against another edition
3.0
For me, this book redeemed itself when Bonanno began talking about his experience in China and delved into his own grief process. I thought his notion of resilience was interesting but question how applicable it is to many people who are working through grief. I liked how he discussed the meaning of grief and death in other cultures, but was a bit thrown off by the resilience piece overall.
tpanik's review against another edition
3.0
Helpful, in parts. This book dispels a few of the common myths surrounding grieving. A good addition for perspective when added to a grieving toolkit. Suicide is not covered, which is disappointing.