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finesilkflower's review
2.0
This book feels unfocused. It's a memoir/biography of the author's family, focused on the shared life theme of outing. The introduction and marketing hints that everyone in the family was outed at once, or in a cause-and-effect kind of way like dominoes toppling over, but that's not really the case. Most of the family members are queer, but their comings-of-out happened over a long span of time and were mostly unrelated. The most interesting events happen when Hempel wasn't present. While she was off traveling the world and doing Teach for America, her father was outed as gay when her younger sister stumbled on his online double life. This event led to the slow, awkward dissolution of their parents' marriage, as well as Hempel's mother's discovery, in therapy, of post-traumatic stress disorder originating from her teenagerhood, when she survived a near-miss with a serial killer.
One of the awkward things about this book is that "four people are queer and one was involved in a true crime story" don't really go together. That is not a category. You would never structure a fiction book that way. I understand that Hempel can't choose that her family members didn't either have all the same experience or a more pleasing variety of experiences, but she could have chosen to structure the story differently (e.g. splitting it into two books, one about crime and one about queerness; or just focusing on her parents, so it would be half-and-half and she could explore the relationship between the ideas more fully.) 20% is an awkward amount of time to spend in a different genre, and it isn't clear to me what Hempel wants to say about the relationship between surviving crime and growing up queer.
Another awkward thing is that it feels like Hempel's family haven't entirely bought into her telling their story. As self-centered as memoirs can be, it somehow feels more self-centered for Hempel to be attempting to tell the story of her family, presumptuous almost. I'm particularly uncomfortable with her telling of her brother Evan's experiences, because he seems like a private person and reading between the lines, it seems like they have already butted heads over how much Jessi is allowed to put in the book. Jessi also describes his experiences as a transgender person with a profound level of cis awkwardness.
A weird amount of time is devoted to Jessi's time in a MLM/cult. This seems to have nothing to do with anything.
One of the awkward things about this book is that "four people are queer and one was involved in a true crime story" don't really go together. That is not a category. You would never structure a fiction book that way. I understand that Hempel can't choose that her family members didn't either have all the same experience or a more pleasing variety of experiences, but she could have chosen to structure the story differently (e.g. splitting it into two books, one about crime and one about queerness; or just focusing on her parents, so it would be half-and-half and she could explore the relationship between the ideas more fully.) 20% is an awkward amount of time to spend in a different genre, and it isn't clear to me what Hempel wants to say about the relationship between surviving crime and growing up queer.
Another awkward thing is that it feels like Hempel's family haven't entirely bought into her telling their story. As self-centered as memoirs can be, it somehow feels more self-centered for Hempel to be attempting to tell the story of her family, presumptuous almost. I'm particularly uncomfortable with her telling of her brother Evan's experiences, because he seems like a private person and reading between the lines, it seems like they have already butted heads over how much Jessi is allowed to put in the book. Jessi also describes his experiences as a transgender person with a profound level of cis awkwardness.
A weird amount of time is devoted to Jessi's time in a MLM/cult. This seems to have nothing to do with anything.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Outing
Moderate: Suicide attempt and Murder
kelly_e's review
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Title: The Family Outing
Author: Jessi Hempel
Genre: Memoir
Rating: 4.0
Pub Date: October 4, 2022
Thanks to HarperCollins Canada for sending me an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
T H R E E • W O R D S
Interesting • Vulnerable • Encouraging
📖 S Y N O P S I S
Jessi Hempel was raised in a middle-class American family, yet the truth was far from perfect.
Her father was constantly away from home, while her stay-at-home mother became increasingly lonely and erratic. Growing up, Jessi and her two siblings struggled to make sense of their family, their world, their changing bodies, and the emotional turmoil each was experiencing.
By the time Jessi reached adulthood, everyone in her family had come out: Jessi as gay, her sister as bisexual, her father as gay, her brother as transgender, and her mother as a survivor of a traumatic experience with an alleged serial killer. Yet coming out was just the beginning, starting a chain reaction of other personal revelations and reckonings that caused each of them to question their place in the world in new and ultimately liberating ways.
💭 T H O U G H T S
What a poignant, well-written memoir about queer identities, transformation, and a family coming to terms with who they are individually, as well as collectively. The narrative offers a variety of experiences, as each member of the family moves towards living their authentic lives.
Hempel writes with vulnerability and honesty about her family's dysfunction and complexities. Sharing her family's experiences, we see how they each grew on their own, culminating in growth and acceptance as a whole as well.
However, it must be said that the accounts are told solely from the author's lens. Yes, the family was interviewed as part of the writing process, but it is Jessi that did the writing. And because of this, each person's story felt like a quick summary rather than the emotional deep dive I desired. I simply wanted more depth.
And I know it may seem contradictory to ask for more depth, while also saying it felt too long, but both a true. Additionally, because the stories aren't told in chronological order, it felt a little scrambled at times.
Mixing heaviness and pain with joy and love, The Family Outing unearths the damage of long-held secrets, the liberating nature of living as our authentic selves, and the healing power of telling our stories.
📚 R E C O M M E N D • T O
• memoir lovers
• readers searching for coming-out or queer family stories
🔖 F A V O U R I T E • Q U O T E S
"All change is abrupt, even the change that happens slowly over time. There's always a singular moment that defines it: It's the flip of a switch, the wrong turn, the letter opened, the instant of knowing. Afterward, you search back to see who you were in the seconds before the change. You try to experience the feeling of life you have just left. But it's as impossible as trying to conjure the feeling of snow in summer."
Author: Jessi Hempel
Genre: Memoir
Rating: 4.0
Pub Date: October 4, 2022
Thanks to HarperCollins Canada for sending me an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
T H R E E • W O R D S
Interesting • Vulnerable • Encouraging
📖 S Y N O P S I S
Jessi Hempel was raised in a middle-class American family, yet the truth was far from perfect.
Her father was constantly away from home, while her stay-at-home mother became increasingly lonely and erratic. Growing up, Jessi and her two siblings struggled to make sense of their family, their world, their changing bodies, and the emotional turmoil each was experiencing.
By the time Jessi reached adulthood, everyone in her family had come out: Jessi as gay, her sister as bisexual, her father as gay, her brother as transgender, and her mother as a survivor of a traumatic experience with an alleged serial killer. Yet coming out was just the beginning, starting a chain reaction of other personal revelations and reckonings that caused each of them to question their place in the world in new and ultimately liberating ways.
💭 T H O U G H T S
What a poignant, well-written memoir about queer identities, transformation, and a family coming to terms with who they are individually, as well as collectively. The narrative offers a variety of experiences, as each member of the family moves towards living their authentic lives.
Hempel writes with vulnerability and honesty about her family's dysfunction and complexities. Sharing her family's experiences, we see how they each grew on their own, culminating in growth and acceptance as a whole as well.
However, it must be said that the accounts are told solely from the author's lens. Yes, the family was interviewed as part of the writing process, but it is Jessi that did the writing. And because of this, each person's story felt like a quick summary rather than the emotional deep dive I desired. I simply wanted more depth.
And I know it may seem contradictory to ask for more depth, while also saying it felt too long, but both a true. Additionally, because the stories aren't told in chronological order, it felt a little scrambled at times.
Mixing heaviness and pain with joy and love, The Family Outing unearths the damage of long-held secrets, the liberating nature of living as our authentic selves, and the healing power of telling our stories.
📚 R E C O M M E N D • T O
• memoir lovers
• readers searching for coming-out or queer family stories
🔖 F A V O U R I T E • Q U O T E S
"All change is abrupt, even the change that happens slowly over time. There's always a singular moment that defines it: It's the flip of a switch, the wrong turn, the letter opened, the instant of knowing. Afterward, you search back to see who you were in the seconds before the change. You try to experience the feeling of life you have just left. But it's as impossible as trying to conjure the feeling of snow in summer."
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Suicide attempt, Violence, and Self harm
Moderate: Cancer and Death
Minor: Grief
PTSD, depression
More...