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Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously by Jessica Pan
cipotalectora's review against another edition
3.0
not to be a downer on the first week of the year 2024, but i don’t have friends.
okay, that’s a lie i guess.
i have three friends.
in real life.
not online.
some people may say that’s enough, and i would say the same if they were people i could rely on.
i mean, i can, but to an extent. nothing where i would be talking about them all the time, considering myself a big part of their life or considering them a big part of mine.
my three friends are the friends i have hung out with since i moved back home after graduating college from denver, which was in july of 2023. the only three friends i have hung out with, because there is no one else. how sad is that? my other friend is my mom, which sometimes includes her friends when we decide to go out or get together at home. and really, i left my other five or so friends in denver when i moved back home to take advantage of my gap year and rent free home. so i have friends, of course, but my close friends are back in denver, and now that i’m home, i feel like there’s no one i can really rely on, yknow? i actually recently had a conversation with a friend i have in canada and we talked about friendship. i started crying and told her i needed to move on from this topic because i was getting sentimental at the fact that, realistically speaking, i don’t have close friends. i don’t have besties. i have friends i can hang out with once in a while, i have people i know, i have mutual acquaintances, but i don’t have anyone i count on. no one i would consider a comfort person. no one i could call at 3am because i’m having a dream about something and panicking. i mean, no, i don’t want a lot of friends. i’m perfectly happy with having only three or so friends. my issue is that i feel like i need more. not more friends, more of them. i’m perfectly content with my life as an introvert, as a bookworm, as someone whose social battery dies by the afternoon, as someone who doesn’t mind staying home. but i do wish i had someone who i can rely on that isn’t just family, someone i could look for comfort. don’t get me wrong, i’m extremely grateful for those friends i have, whether in denver or back home, but i wish there was more. one of them doesn’t really reciprocate, and i feel like i’m the only one who tries in the relationship so i’m slowly distancing myself away, telling myself to not text her and ask to hang out. the other two have their other close friends, so i’m always left wondering who else to talk to to not feel so alone. so in reality, they’re friends, they’re people i know, but i don’t see myself ever growing old with them, telling them everything and hearing everything about them, relying on them, trusting them 100%, etc. i’m not trying to give the wrong impression. the three friends i have aren’t people i’d fight to keep as my friends, and i think that says enough.
it really sucks being an introvert with quality time being my love language because i want to go out but i also don’t. in reality, i wanna spend time with friends in the smallest ways. running errands together? watching a movie at our place? ordering take out? yes please. going shopping? going to a fancy restaurant? hiking? no thanks. i love asking friends to run errands with me, but i don’t have anyone to do that with. i love hanging out at a burger joint and talking and catching up, just two of us or another friend, and then departing ways. i love going out and simply getting together, no matter where we go, because my dopamine comes from hanging out with my one or two friends, even if the public is what gives me anxiety and this need to go back home.
making friends, overall, is difficult for me. i don’t go out, i don’t put myself out there, and i don’t give good reasons to show people i’m approachable. some people tell me i have a resting bitch face and come off as someone who doesn’t like you at first glance, even though i am far from being that person (at least i think so). i consider myself someone bubbly despite my attire. i consider myself out going despite my social awkwardness. i consider myself friendly despite my doubts at first.
and jessica was in the same spot as me.
i consider myself a shintrovert but not like jessica. however, there were a couple things jessica did that i, truthfully, could never bring myself to do. regardless, jessica shows how the labels of introversion or extroversion aren’t what define us, but we define ourselves. just because one struggles with social anxiety doesn’t mean they’re an introvert, and just because someone is an introvert doesn’t mean they will have social anxiety. i think, one way or another, everyone has social anxiety in their own way. i’m shy, i’m an introvert, and i don’t really have friends, but i’m able to talk to people when i need to, i’m able to help others if i have the answers, i’m able to ask for help when i’ve accepted my stubbornness won’t get me far. i had two jobs in college (separately and then at the same time) that required lots of conversating, which is a reason i got them in the first place. one was a peer mentor job, where i was basically an assistant to a professor but more like a mentor who checked in with the students. i was responsible for making sure they were getting their requirements, checking in to ask how they’re doing, giving them the necessary resources for a successful semester, and more. and then i worked in retail, which, of course, requires a lot of patience. i had to force myself to become friendly with coworkers, customers, managers, and anyone else. i had to ask questions related to the store (“did you want to sign up for our credit card to get 5% back”); i had to be patient with customers asking me to go to the backstore (“no ma’am, we do not have that bag in the back as we don’t have anything there at the moment”); i had to pretend i’m fine (“i’m good, thank you for asking! did you need a bag”) *eye twitches*
a lot of moments of my life have helped me a lot, especially in terms of customer service, assisting, and becoming more comfortable with others. but there are other things i still struggle with. in 2023, i managed to do things for myself that i hadn’t done before, like going to a concert alone, including going to different states for it; i started talking to other people while waiting in line for concerts too that i even got their social media handles; i was able to attend small events in school alone, without worrying about someone going with me, and left when i felt like it without worrying about too many people talking to me before the clock strikes 5pm because by that time, i’m done; i started taking public transportation with confidence, knowing where i was going; i started to panic less when people sat next to me; i stopped avoiding as much eye contact when i know it would be helpful on occasion; i ate out alone. it’s nothing major, it’s not like i traveled to a whole different country even though i want to but am too scared about figuring everything out–public transportation, interactions, hotels, asking locals for help, looking up restaurants and places to visit, language barriers. i wanna travel, maybe not alone (but who knows?) and the only thing that stops me is fear. i’d be going with my mom, most likely, yet i’m still terrified about figuring everything else out. i like telling my friends outside the US if i go to their home country because hey! maybe we can meet and hang and you can help me? it’s not like i went hiking alone, even though i wouldn’t mind it because nature is nice.
the best thing about this is how open minded the definition of introversion is analyzed. jessica doesn’t stick to the stereotypical, usual definition of introversion meaning that people are antisocial, hate people, hate socializing, don’t go out and are basically hermits, etc. even though she’s a shintrovert, a shy introvert, she doesn’t abide by the ‘rules’ of introversion. she doesn’t let it define her and stop her from moving forward. like she says: i was an introvert in a hole, not in a hole because i was an introvert. i think this really speaks volumes because, like any introvert or even extrovert, we tend to use the labels as an excuse for how we act and pursue things. similarity, extroverts may like being around people and get their dopamine with groups and individuals, but even a time of rest is necessary for them and all they need is to wind down. jessica knew she wanted to go out but didn’t know how.
but she did.
she went out a lot. she met so many new people, and while only few of them became her close friends, she managed to build new connections that now last her long. people she went in a short term are now some of the best and closest people in her life.
one of my friends back in denver, one of those i left and consider really close, is an extrovert and she told me she needed time to wind down from her loud, boisterous family because she was tired. she wanted to go out, but on her own time, her own terms.
i read this as part of my “yearly” tradition where i read a sort of memoir, biography, or essay collection by an author, about anything in their life, the first day of the year, to start off the year either by educating myself in something or someone. the first book was [b:Consent: A Memoir|53327897|Consent A Memoir|Vanessa Springora|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1596430964l/53327897._SX50_.jpg|74967335], which i read in 2022; and then in 2023, i read [b:New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep|33653133|New Year, Same Trash Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep (A Vintage Short)|Samantha Irby|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1483242767l/33653133._SY75_.jpg|54516386]. when i saw this was available at my library while browsing through the ‘humor fiction’ tag and ‘non fiction’ books, i didn’t think much about it because the title literally called to me. i downloaded it, immediately started it, and now can say that while i didn’t love it, i enjoyed it enough. jessica uses humor lightly, adding a bit of a light-hearted tone to the story despite some heartbreaking and terrifying moments. the only reason i’m rating this three stars is because sometimes, it felt like the book took a whole different tone from what it originally started with. it focuses on the one year she spent “extroverting,” going out and doing things out of her comfort zone. admittedly, certain moments felt unnecessary. this is why reviewing and rating non-fiction books like these aren’t my favorite. i’m not rating jessica’s life and discussing whether i enjoyed her year of acting like an extrovert and the such, but it’s still a book, and i found myself bored sometimes. my favorite moments had to do when she would be traveling, or awkwardly trying to talk to strangers, or simply putting herself out there.
i think what jessica did takes a lot of guts to do–traveling alone to an unknown place, talking to strangers randomly, signing herself up for events and workshops, pursuing stand up comedy, giving speeches like ted talks, and many more. this may come off as easy to some, but for some of us, with stage fright, social anxiety, haters of small talk, and an inability to make conversation, it’s hard. i love having extroverted friends because they get me out there, and sometimes i feel like i’m able to ‘wind’ them down a little bit. it’s a good balance, one without force. still, i know i could do what jessica did because my introversion doesn’t define me, but there are some things she did that i could not bring myself to do and would rather do something else. going to a sauna alone? stand up comedy? no thanks. but even then, being the way we are, becoming stimulated with big crowds of people, feeling done with the day by the afternoon, thinking of canceling plans to stay home and watch a movie or read a book, preferring dogs or cats over humans, avoiding eye contact to not let people know we are interested in talking, we’re still able to do what non-intorverts do. we become too focused on the label and the definition that we start association what we can do with am not able to.
i had plans for 2023, which i was able to accomplish some, and while i don’t really have some this year besides the same ones, i do hope i can do more with my life in terms of what my introversion limits me to do and not do. i’m not planning anything, but i’m going to be taking it day by day. i can’t say everything jessica did was inspiring, because some of the things she did are way too out of my comfort zone. she experiences panic attacks and anxiety and blacking out before doing some of them, which makes sense since it takes time and it’s a whole development, but i do hope i can achieve something for myself that brings me a different sense of dopamine.
happy new year, friends! <3
okay, that’s a lie i guess.
i have three friends.
in real life.
not online.
some people may say that’s enough, and i would say the same if they were people i could rely on.
i mean, i can, but to an extent. nothing where i would be talking about them all the time, considering myself a big part of their life or considering them a big part of mine.
my three friends are the friends i have hung out with since i moved back home after graduating college from denver, which was in july of 2023. the only three friends i have hung out with, because there is no one else. how sad is that? my other friend is my mom, which sometimes includes her friends when we decide to go out or get together at home. and really, i left my other five or so friends in denver when i moved back home to take advantage of my gap year and rent free home. so i have friends, of course, but my close friends are back in denver, and now that i’m home, i feel like there’s no one i can really rely on, yknow? i actually recently had a conversation with a friend i have in canada and we talked about friendship. i started crying and told her i needed to move on from this topic because i was getting sentimental at the fact that, realistically speaking, i don’t have close friends. i don’t have besties. i have friends i can hang out with once in a while, i have people i know, i have mutual acquaintances, but i don’t have anyone i count on. no one i would consider a comfort person. no one i could call at 3am because i’m having a dream about something and panicking. i mean, no, i don’t want a lot of friends. i’m perfectly happy with having only three or so friends. my issue is that i feel like i need more. not more friends, more of them. i’m perfectly content with my life as an introvert, as a bookworm, as someone whose social battery dies by the afternoon, as someone who doesn’t mind staying home. but i do wish i had someone who i can rely on that isn’t just family, someone i could look for comfort. don’t get me wrong, i’m extremely grateful for those friends i have, whether in denver or back home, but i wish there was more. one of them doesn’t really reciprocate, and i feel like i’m the only one who tries in the relationship so i’m slowly distancing myself away, telling myself to not text her and ask to hang out. the other two have their other close friends, so i’m always left wondering who else to talk to to not feel so alone. so in reality, they’re friends, they’re people i know, but i don’t see myself ever growing old with them, telling them everything and hearing everything about them, relying on them, trusting them 100%, etc. i’m not trying to give the wrong impression. the three friends i have aren’t people i’d fight to keep as my friends, and i think that says enough.
it really sucks being an introvert with quality time being my love language because i want to go out but i also don’t. in reality, i wanna spend time with friends in the smallest ways. running errands together? watching a movie at our place? ordering take out? yes please. going shopping? going to a fancy restaurant? hiking? no thanks. i love asking friends to run errands with me, but i don’t have anyone to do that with. i love hanging out at a burger joint and talking and catching up, just two of us or another friend, and then departing ways. i love going out and simply getting together, no matter where we go, because my dopamine comes from hanging out with my one or two friends, even if the public is what gives me anxiety and this need to go back home.
making friends, overall, is difficult for me. i don’t go out, i don’t put myself out there, and i don’t give good reasons to show people i’m approachable. some people tell me i have a resting bitch face and come off as someone who doesn’t like you at first glance, even though i am far from being that person (at least i think so). i consider myself someone bubbly despite my attire. i consider myself out going despite my social awkwardness. i consider myself friendly despite my doubts at first.
and jessica was in the same spot as me.
i consider myself a shintrovert but not like jessica. however, there were a couple things jessica did that i, truthfully, could never bring myself to do. regardless, jessica shows how the labels of introversion or extroversion aren’t what define us, but we define ourselves. just because one struggles with social anxiety doesn’t mean they’re an introvert, and just because someone is an introvert doesn’t mean they will have social anxiety. i think, one way or another, everyone has social anxiety in their own way. i’m shy, i’m an introvert, and i don’t really have friends, but i’m able to talk to people when i need to, i’m able to help others if i have the answers, i’m able to ask for help when i’ve accepted my stubbornness won’t get me far. i had two jobs in college (separately and then at the same time) that required lots of conversating, which is a reason i got them in the first place. one was a peer mentor job, where i was basically an assistant to a professor but more like a mentor who checked in with the students. i was responsible for making sure they were getting their requirements, checking in to ask how they’re doing, giving them the necessary resources for a successful semester, and more. and then i worked in retail, which, of course, requires a lot of patience. i had to force myself to become friendly with coworkers, customers, managers, and anyone else. i had to ask questions related to the store (“did you want to sign up for our credit card to get 5% back”); i had to be patient with customers asking me to go to the backstore (“no ma’am, we do not have that bag in the back as we don’t have anything there at the moment”); i had to pretend i’m fine (“i’m good, thank you for asking! did you need a bag”) *eye twitches*
a lot of moments of my life have helped me a lot, especially in terms of customer service, assisting, and becoming more comfortable with others. but there are other things i still struggle with. in 2023, i managed to do things for myself that i hadn’t done before, like going to a concert alone, including going to different states for it; i started talking to other people while waiting in line for concerts too that i even got their social media handles; i was able to attend small events in school alone, without worrying about someone going with me, and left when i felt like it without worrying about too many people talking to me before the clock strikes 5pm because by that time, i’m done; i started taking public transportation with confidence, knowing where i was going; i started to panic less when people sat next to me; i stopped avoiding as much eye contact when i know it would be helpful on occasion; i ate out alone. it’s nothing major, it’s not like i traveled to a whole different country even though i want to but am too scared about figuring everything out–public transportation, interactions, hotels, asking locals for help, looking up restaurants and places to visit, language barriers. i wanna travel, maybe not alone (but who knows?) and the only thing that stops me is fear. i’d be going with my mom, most likely, yet i’m still terrified about figuring everything else out. i like telling my friends outside the US if i go to their home country because hey! maybe we can meet and hang and you can help me? it’s not like i went hiking alone, even though i wouldn’t mind it because nature is nice.
the best thing about this is how open minded the definition of introversion is analyzed. jessica doesn’t stick to the stereotypical, usual definition of introversion meaning that people are antisocial, hate people, hate socializing, don’t go out and are basically hermits, etc. even though she’s a shintrovert, a shy introvert, she doesn’t abide by the ‘rules’ of introversion. she doesn’t let it define her and stop her from moving forward. like she says: i was an introvert in a hole, not in a hole because i was an introvert. i think this really speaks volumes because, like any introvert or even extrovert, we tend to use the labels as an excuse for how we act and pursue things. similarity, extroverts may like being around people and get their dopamine with groups and individuals, but even a time of rest is necessary for them and all they need is to wind down. jessica knew she wanted to go out but didn’t know how.
but she did.
she went out a lot. she met so many new people, and while only few of them became her close friends, she managed to build new connections that now last her long. people she went in a short term are now some of the best and closest people in her life.
one of my friends back in denver, one of those i left and consider really close, is an extrovert and she told me she needed time to wind down from her loud, boisterous family because she was tired. she wanted to go out, but on her own time, her own terms.
i read this as part of my “yearly” tradition where i read a sort of memoir, biography, or essay collection by an author, about anything in their life, the first day of the year, to start off the year either by educating myself in something or someone. the first book was [b:Consent: A Memoir|53327897|Consent A Memoir|Vanessa Springora|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1596430964l/53327897._SX50_.jpg|74967335], which i read in 2022; and then in 2023, i read [b:New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep|33653133|New Year, Same Trash Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep (A Vintage Short)|Samantha Irby|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1483242767l/33653133._SY75_.jpg|54516386]. when i saw this was available at my library while browsing through the ‘humor fiction’ tag and ‘non fiction’ books, i didn’t think much about it because the title literally called to me. i downloaded it, immediately started it, and now can say that while i didn’t love it, i enjoyed it enough. jessica uses humor lightly, adding a bit of a light-hearted tone to the story despite some heartbreaking and terrifying moments. the only reason i’m rating this three stars is because sometimes, it felt like the book took a whole different tone from what it originally started with. it focuses on the one year she spent “extroverting,” going out and doing things out of her comfort zone. admittedly, certain moments felt unnecessary. this is why reviewing and rating non-fiction books like these aren’t my favorite. i’m not rating jessica’s life and discussing whether i enjoyed her year of acting like an extrovert and the such, but it’s still a book, and i found myself bored sometimes. my favorite moments had to do when she would be traveling, or awkwardly trying to talk to strangers, or simply putting herself out there.
i think what jessica did takes a lot of guts to do–traveling alone to an unknown place, talking to strangers randomly, signing herself up for events and workshops, pursuing stand up comedy, giving speeches like ted talks, and many more. this may come off as easy to some, but for some of us, with stage fright, social anxiety, haters of small talk, and an inability to make conversation, it’s hard. i love having extroverted friends because they get me out there, and sometimes i feel like i’m able to ‘wind’ them down a little bit. it’s a good balance, one without force. still, i know i could do what jessica did because my introversion doesn’t define me, but there are some things she did that i could not bring myself to do and would rather do something else. going to a sauna alone? stand up comedy? no thanks. but even then, being the way we are, becoming stimulated with big crowds of people, feeling done with the day by the afternoon, thinking of canceling plans to stay home and watch a movie or read a book, preferring dogs or cats over humans, avoiding eye contact to not let people know we are interested in talking, we’re still able to do what non-intorverts do. we become too focused on the label and the definition that we start association what we can do with am not able to.
i had plans for 2023, which i was able to accomplish some, and while i don’t really have some this year besides the same ones, i do hope i can do more with my life in terms of what my introversion limits me to do and not do. i’m not planning anything, but i’m going to be taking it day by day. i can’t say everything jessica did was inspiring, because some of the things she did are way too out of my comfort zone. she experiences panic attacks and anxiety and blacking out before doing some of them, which makes sense since it takes time and it’s a whole development, but i do hope i can achieve something for myself that brings me a different sense of dopamine.
happy new year, friends! <3
caramel_sundae's review against another edition
adventurous
funny
hopeful
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
4.75
I love reading books like this that feel like long-form articles or conversations with a friend lol, and the author's struggles to be outgoing were very relatable T_T would I ever perform stand-up comedy to get over being shy? hell no. but it was def entertaining to read about someone else doing it lmao
I think the best thing about this is that it makes you want to go out and do things, which I think(?) was partly the goal of it <33
I think the best thing about this is that it makes you want to go out and do things, which I think(?) was partly the goal of it <33
ellbell1017's review against another edition
5.0
This book hit very close to home for me. The writing was very relatable for introverts, and I admire the writer’s courage to challenge herself for a year. Very funny, good advice, thoroughly enjoyed.
silveroxide_'s review against another edition
adventurous
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
relaxing
medium-paced
3.5
arih's review against another edition
adventurous
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
slow-paced
4.75
thenovelbook's review against another edition
4.0
Deeply relatable at some points. Also tremendously funny, interesting, and eye-opening. See my Kindle highlights for examples.
But I was put off in some moments by the amount of strong language. It was considerably more than my usual threshold.
But I was put off in some moments by the amount of strong language. It was considerably more than my usual threshold.
njdarkish's review against another edition
3.0
This was an alright book. Ultimately it didn't do that much for me, which is a shame, considering the concept and the fact that I, too, am an introvert-- I felt like most of the stories were too mundane to really have been worth recording. There were gems here and there, but as a whole the book felt like the author sold the book on a pitch, then when it came time to write the book there wasn't nearly as much there as she thought there would be. Her writing is strong, though, so I think she'll have more promising work in the future.