Reviews with content warning for Rape - Confesiones de una mala feminista

I loved this one purely for the passion of the game of Scrabble and the witty illustrations of the social dynamics of the game. Well written exploration that invites the reader into a niche world. Made me want to play Scrabble even though I have never played.

The Careless Language of Sexual Violence
What We Hunger For
The Illusion of Safety/The Safety of Illusion

These 3 essays together tackle the topic of sexual violence in our culture and also draw upon Gay's own personal experience of rape. I found these passages to be raw and enraging, and as devastating as any and all stories of unspeakable abuse. I think it did a superb job of showing the reality of the cruelty of these acts, and in a way that completely destroys any attempt at a victim-blame argument. There is no room for question here.

Reaching for Catharsis: Getting Fat Right (or Wrong) and Diana Spechler's Skinny

After reading 'What We Hunger For' I was introduced to what I believe the thesis of Gay's future book, 'Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body' seeks to explore. Here, in 'Reaching for Catharsis', this topic of body, hunger, fatness, and catharsis is explored in a unique way that makes me very excited to read 'Hunger'. Gay excels as a media and cultural critic in these moments.

Also I will add here a quote that resonates from the essay, The Alienable Rights of Women. Quote:

"I struggle to accept that my body is a legislative matter. The truth of this fact makes it difficult for me to breathe. I don't feel like I have inalienable rights. I don't feel free. I don't feel like my body is my own." (p. 273-4).

Quotes such as the one above, and those essays above that I mentioned, I feel have a timelessness to them that will always be reflective of the plight of misogyny and life under patriarchy. Particularly in the above quote I found myself relating to the sentiment of 'my body is not my own' as a trans person living in the year 2023.

Elsewhere in this collection, however, this timelessness is lost and it so clearly reads as a text of its time (published in 2014). Despite many highlights and particular essays and points of interest I will take with me, I was left wanting more in many of Gay's media critiques and there were some moments where this definitely read as a feminist text born from the Tumblr era, or the feminist blogosphere as she states. I'm not sure yet if this fact on its own makes it good or bad, I found myself likening it to a kind of time capsule for pop culture and pop feminism of the time.

Take from it what you will. I liked this book and I have found a writer that I enjoy in Roxane Gay. I will definitely continue to read her work.

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jordansmoot's review against another edition

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informative reflective medium-paced

4.5

Reading this in 2023 is a wild experience. So many events from the early 10s I was happy to have forgotten, but it’s also important to remember that this was not that long ago.

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bessjoyce's review against another edition

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challenging funny hopeful informative inspiring reflective slow-paced

4.0

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qteabeans's review against another edition

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challenging informative reflective medium-paced

4.0

While this collection is almost a decade old, the topics are still fiercely relevant. Thoughtful and challenging. Definitely still worth a read.

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luce98's review against another edition

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informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.5

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suneaters's review against another edition

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funny informative reflective fast-paced

5.0

For whatever reason, we hold feminism to an unreasonable standard where the movement must be everything we want and must always make the best choices. When feminism falls short of our expectations, we decide the problem is with feminism rather than with the flawed people who act in the name of the movement. (x)

Roxane Gay's Bad Feminist Essays is a great work. Her writing is sharp and witty and she maintains a humorous tone even as she becomes very emotionally vulnerable. Gay comes across as relatable as she tells us she "approach[es] most things in life with a dangerous level of confidence to balance [her] generally low self-esteem." (34). She speaks candidly of her own assault and weight gain, but is still able to keep it light. Gay tells us that she "I watch[es] all the televised fat-shaming porn as penance and motivation—The Biggest Loser and Ruby and Heavy, some of those off-brand fat people shows on lesser cable channels, and recently Extreme Makeover: Fat People Edition." (116). Her own story is heartbreaking on its own, but also heartbreakingly common. It's devastating how often something so traumatic happens and causes the victim to try to self-soothe or to protect his or herself via food.

Gay makes fantastic points about modern feminism and other related discourse. I love her particular commentary on oppression Olympics and gatekeeping commenting as it serves no purpose but to silence people and dilute the meaning of words like "privilege".

The problem is, cultural critics talk about privilege with such alarming frequency and in such empty ways, we have diluted the word’s meaning.
When people wield the word “privilege,” it tends to fall on deaf ears because we hear that word so damn much it has become white noise. (16)

Nowadays, when someone writes, say, a gay bildungsroman, the author might have his or her sexuality questioned and feel extreme pressure to out his or herself due to the backlash of "don't write out of your experience". Gay rebukes this quite adeptly.

In online discourse, in particular, the specter of privilege is always looming darkly. When someone writes from experience, there is often someone else, at the ready, pointing a trembling finger, accusing that writer of having various kinds of privilege. How dare someone speak to a personal experience without accounting for every possible configuration of privilege or the lack thereof? We would live in a world of silence if the only people who were allowed to write or speak from experience or about difference were those absolutely without privilege. (18)

Her opinion on reclamation, that "I have no interest in using the word to describe myself or any person of color, under any circumstance. There is no reclamation to be had." (221), is one I share.

I also enjoyed her mentions of modern misogyny and how feminists are unduly punished for showing any modicum of dissatisfaction with patriarchy.

Pointing out the many ways in which misogyny persists and harms women is not anger. Conceding the idea that anger is an inappropriate reaction to the injustice women face backs women into an unfair position. Nor does disagreement mean we are blind to the ways in which progress has been made. Feminists are celebrating our victories and acknowledging our privilege when we have it. We’re simply refusing to settle. We’re refusing to forget how much work there is yet to be done. We’re refusing to relish the comforts we have at the expense of the women who are still seeking comfort. (102)

Gay mentions that "We live in a strange and terrible time for women. There are days when I think it has always been a strange and terrible time to be a woman. Womanhood feels more strange and terrible now because progress has not served women as well as it has served men. We are still stymied by the issues our forbears railed against." (132). And she is right in her assessment. Women's rights have been going backward as of late and we are now having to refight thing like the urinary leash.

Even as women watch our rights be taken away, we are judged for not enjoying misogynistic jokes at our expense. Men are offended that we see this as a red flag and that we believe them when they tell us who they are. "When women respond negatively to misogynistic or rape humor, they are “sensitive” and branded as “feminist,” a word that has, as of late, become a catchall term for “woman who does not tolerate bullshit.” (180). Just like "feminist", the moniker of Karen, feminazi, harpy, femoid, TERF, or any other derogatory word for a women has come to simply mean women who do not bow down to male authority. It recalls a simpler definition of feminist, "one offered by Su, an Australian woman who, when interviewed for Kathy Bail’s 1996 anthology DIY Feminism, said feminists are “just women who don’t want to be treated like shit.”" (303).

While Bad Feminist Essays is overall very enjoyable and a great read, there is some liberal bullshit in here. "Western opinions on the hijab or burkas are rather irrelevant. We don’t get to decide for Muslim women what does or does not oppress them, no matter how highly we think of ourselves." (104). Well, I guess I better stop saying Aisha was a child bride. I mean, maybe she was a totally empowered 8 year old and I'm just being mean. This is a ridiculous stance. No culture, no religion, no anything is above criticism. And I am of the view that if it hurts women, it has to go.

Gay also comments on "breaking new ground where women can be feminist and feminine and can resist the labels and forces that all too often marginalize, silence, or erase female experiences." (106). Yeah, those feminine women are so shamed for being feminine. Meanwhile I've never seen a single butch woman on TV or in a movie. Get real, please.

"The Fifty Shades books have also opened the door for pundits, including Ellen DeGeneres, to treat the BDSM lifestyle with derision, mockery, and outright ignorance. Whips and chains are so very funny, or they are freaky and weird." (200). This whole kink section was so very funny. Sorry. Your Looney Tunes sex is funny and also very weird. Re-traumatizing yourself and trauma bonds are not healing.

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rakkaussipsi's review against another edition

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informative reflective

3.5

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jennicello's review against another edition

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challenging informative slow-paced

3.0

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