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3.54 AVERAGE
3.54 AVERAGE
This book is a controversial memoir of one woman's "Chinese Parenting" style. I confess some of the scenes were hard to read and my heart went out to her children. Yet, what parent doesn't want success and happiness for their children? The author clearly does and she definitely questions her parenting style, just like all parents do. Amy Chua is a very good writer and the book is a great read. It will make you think.
This just fascinated me. I know moms like this and suspect some moms I know are like this, but reading about her philosophy and "Chinese Mother" childrearing techniques just intrigued me and horrified me at the same time. Yet, she makes some good points too... I couldn't put this down.
I was surprised that as much time as she put into her girls, how abruptly she pulled out. I mean, it seems she'd been through so much worse, but then all it takes is the kid to throw down a glass and call her a bad mother? then again, this is years in the making....
I was surprised that as much time as she put into her girls, how abruptly she pulled out. I mean, it seems she'd been through so much worse, but then all it takes is the kid to throw down a glass and call her a bad mother? then again, this is years in the making....
Amy Chua's book got lots of press at the beginning of the year, and through the reviews and book discussions on podcasts I got the general gist and decided that no way was I going to put money in that (already loaded) crazy lady's pocket by going out and buying a copy of her book. But then last week I spotted that my local library had a copy, and I just couldn't resist having a peek.
Well, more than a peek, really. It makes for quite a compelling read as does any horror story, or magazine article on a controversial subject, or in this case "Confessions of a certified nutcase". It's possible that the translator didn't do a very good job, but the language and writing style was not very impressive, so deduct one star for that. I also felt that these "memoirs" were a self-serving exercise where she tried to get absolution from her daughters for her many acts of cruelty (physical, psychological, emotional, verbal... where do you stop) whilst parenting her children with only one goal in mind - SUCCESS.
I won't even judge that because everyone has a different drive and motivation in life, and I can accept that some people derive happiness from that, just as some people define their own worth by the money they earn. However, that is a decision you make for yourself, but it is plainly wrong to bully young children so relentlessly until they hate their own life (Lulu) or are too exhausted to fight you (in the case of Sophia).
I fully agree that to be good at something you have to practise, practise, practise, and I also agree that children cannot and should not make decisions as to whether or not to practise an instrument. They do not know what is good for them at that age, so clearly you have to push them, or else they won't even get to a skill level that allows them to enjoy, in this case, playing their instrument. However, there is absolutely no way that a child, particularly not Amy Chua's children who both appeared to have a musical talent anyway, would need to practise five or more hours per day. Ever.
I went to a music grammar school with many musically gifted children and/or children of professional musicians. All of them had long (by my standards, not Ms Chua's!) daily practise sessions, and many of them are successful, some even famous, classical musicians these days, and to be fair, none of them really had time to apply themselves academically, but at least they all enjoyed what they did (most of the time), and pursued their goals with music when they were adults. Same goal achieved but the process was a happier, healthier one.
Amy Chua seems to have gained a bit of perspective now, and she is painfully aware of all her parenting mistakes and full of regrets. I just hope that her daughters (and husband) will forgive her eventually for tyrannising the entire family for almost twenty years and making their daily life a living hell. I was disappointed that this edition didn't have an account written by the daughters, but perhaps that would be best added in about ten year's time when they've both completed the first of many years of therapy that no doubt they'll need.
Well, more than a peek, really. It makes for quite a compelling read as does any horror story, or magazine article on a controversial subject, or in this case "Confessions of a certified nutcase". It's possible that the translator didn't do a very good job, but the language and writing style was not very impressive, so deduct one star for that. I also felt that these "memoirs" were a self-serving exercise where she tried to get absolution from her daughters for her many acts of cruelty (physical, psychological, emotional, verbal... where do you stop) whilst parenting her children with only one goal in mind - SUCCESS.
I won't even judge that because everyone has a different drive and motivation in life, and I can accept that some people derive happiness from that, just as some people define their own worth by the money they earn. However, that is a decision you make for yourself, but it is plainly wrong to bully young children so relentlessly until they hate their own life (Lulu) or are too exhausted to fight you (in the case of Sophia).
I fully agree that to be good at something you have to practise, practise, practise, and I also agree that children cannot and should not make decisions as to whether or not to practise an instrument. They do not know what is good for them at that age, so clearly you have to push them, or else they won't even get to a skill level that allows them to enjoy, in this case, playing their instrument. However, there is absolutely no way that a child, particularly not Amy Chua's children who both appeared to have a musical talent anyway, would need to practise five or more hours per day. Ever.
I went to a music grammar school with many musically gifted children and/or children of professional musicians. All of them had long (by my standards, not Ms Chua's!) daily practise sessions, and many of them are successful, some even famous, classical musicians these days, and to be fair, none of them really had time to apply themselves academically, but at least they all enjoyed what they did (most of the time), and pursued their goals with music when they were adults. Same goal achieved but the process was a happier, healthier one.
Amy Chua seems to have gained a bit of perspective now, and she is painfully aware of all her parenting mistakes and full of regrets. I just hope that her daughters (and husband) will forgive her eventually for tyrannising the entire family for almost twenty years and making their daily life a living hell. I was disappointed that this edition didn't have an account written by the daughters, but perhaps that would be best added in about ten year's time when they've both completed the first of many years of therapy that no doubt they'll need.
This is not a guide on how to raise children! Once you get that idea out of your head you might actually enjoy this book. I am giving this four stars because I thought it was a very good book- much more humorous and entertaining than I expected. Also an incredibly quick and easy read (good for plane rides!). I did not give it 5 stars because 1) the ending was a bit weak, and 2) She glosses over way too many important details, including how much money had a role in her children's lives. The average citizen could not afford even half the opportunities/education that she provided for her children, even if they had the same level of intensity and drive as she does. The people who are giving this book 1 star keep mentioning how much they hated the author and how much they disagreed with her parenting style. I don't think that's fair, as it is not an indication of how they felt about the writing, but more of a judgement about how they felt about the author. I too, often found myself disagreeing with her and even stated quite loudly (to no one particular), "oh my god, this woman is a nutcase!". However, I thought she presented her story with honesty and humor. Yes, she is pretentious, controlling, judgemental, hypocritical, and "snob" doesn't even begin to describe her attitude. That didn't stop me from enjoying this from page 1. Infact, I think it made me like the book so much more because it inspired me to think about my own attitudes about raising children and our "western values". This book (which was recommended to me by my husband), has sparked more debate and discussions in our house than anything else. It's actually been fun, and I've enjoyed disagreeing with the author. Though she may be crazy, its hard to argue with the successes her daughters have enjoyed. Though I won't be using much of her parenting style, I will say that I am taking a page from her book and forcing my children to learn to play an instrument. I wish my parents had done the same with me!
I was surprised by how much I loved this book. I think that was because I remember watching interviews and hype on T.V., and having a completely different idea of what this book is about than what it actually is about. (Which Chua talks about in the afterword...how this book is meant to be a satirical memoir, not a parenting book).
I found the writing clever and humorous, and found myself prompted to evaluate and re-evaluate many of my parenting "techniques." I think because this wasn't a "parenting" book (where I felt preached to), I was able to just sit back and enjoy listening to her story as a mother while pondering how it related to mine. I also found myself highlighting portions of the book....something I rarely do, and only do when I find things truly interesting. Here are a few of my Highlights:
"One of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't."
"...The Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away."
"Chinese parenting does not address happiness."
I found the writing clever and humorous, and found myself prompted to evaluate and re-evaluate many of my parenting "techniques." I think because this wasn't a "parenting" book (where I felt preached to), I was able to just sit back and enjoy listening to her story as a mother while pondering how it related to mine. I also found myself highlighting portions of the book....something I rarely do, and only do when I find things truly interesting. Here are a few of my Highlights:
"One of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't."
"...The Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away."
"Chinese parenting does not address happiness."
A much quicker read than I was expecting; reads more like a story and less like a child-raising book. Certainly not won over by her parenting style.
After all the reviews I had to download and read this myself. My comment: Chua's insane. But I admire her. The thing is, despite how crazy her parenting style might be, she's always there with her children. She believes in them. Actually, she believes in all humans (AND dogs). She's the kind of person who believes in the human potential. That everbody's got the ability to excel if they keep trying. Practice, practice, practice is the key. And due to her belief she acts the way she does.
To Chua childhood is the time to prepare for adulthood. She knows from her experience how competitive it is out there. So all she wanted to do and did was prepare her kids to be a fighter, to not give up, and do their very best. Every good mother wants that. As hard as she was with the girls, before the big event she'd tell her daughters that it didn't matter what the outcome was. But knowing that the girls gave everything they got for the big day, was what mattered (although of course the highest possible award was always Chua's goal for the girls).
I grew up with a Chinese dad. It was no slumber party, no extra curriculum, anything but an A was unacceptable, and even after being first in class it wasn't "great job" that I heard but it was "do better next time". But, unlike Chua, I had to figure out how to do better on my own and if I made a mistake, even the smallest thing, he'd not speak to me for a day at least. I'd trade all the yelling, screaming, practice until midnight for the silence and having to try to figure out how to be the best on my own. I did the Lulu. I still did well but there was no more do better next time after middle school.
I loved the book. It's a quick read, it's got many funny parts (she's got a dry and sarcastic kind of humor), it even has some sad parts, and all in all very personal. I think, despite her still believing that the "Chinese" way is better, she knows now that it's not for all. It didn't work for her dogs and it it could have been dangerous with Lulu if Chua didn't do the right thing after the big blow-up.
I have two daughters. It's great to know that there's somebody who's 30x more intense than I am. We have no TV at home, no DVD player in car, and we practice math and reading everyday (1st grader). She has guitar lesson and she was in gymnastics (we moved and still on waiting list now) but they're just for fun. I make her practice but there's no yelling or screaming and a little bit of bribery is still legal here.
It's a shame that it got such negative comments based on the excerpt. Yes Chua's extreme, yes some of the things she did was crazy but her kids did turn out incredible and based on the letter from her eldest daughter Chua taught them many valuable lessons on how to take on life's many challenges.
To Chua childhood is the time to prepare for adulthood. She knows from her experience how competitive it is out there. So all she wanted to do and did was prepare her kids to be a fighter, to not give up, and do their very best. Every good mother wants that. As hard as she was with the girls, before the big event she'd tell her daughters that it didn't matter what the outcome was. But knowing that the girls gave everything they got for the big day, was what mattered (although of course the highest possible award was always Chua's goal for the girls).
I grew up with a Chinese dad. It was no slumber party, no extra curriculum, anything but an A was unacceptable, and even after being first in class it wasn't "great job" that I heard but it was "do better next time". But, unlike Chua, I had to figure out how to do better on my own and if I made a mistake, even the smallest thing, he'd not speak to me for a day at least. I'd trade all the yelling, screaming, practice until midnight for the silence and having to try to figure out how to be the best on my own. I did the Lulu. I still did well but there was no more do better next time after middle school.
I loved the book. It's a quick read, it's got many funny parts (she's got a dry and sarcastic kind of humor), it even has some sad parts, and all in all very personal. I think, despite her still believing that the "Chinese" way is better, she knows now that it's not for all. It didn't work for her dogs and it it could have been dangerous with Lulu if Chua didn't do the right thing after the big blow-up.
I have two daughters. It's great to know that there's somebody who's 30x more intense than I am. We have no TV at home, no DVD player in car, and we practice math and reading everyday (1st grader). She has guitar lesson and she was in gymnastics (we moved and still on waiting list now) but they're just for fun. I make her practice but there's no yelling or screaming and a little bit of bribery is still legal here.
It's a shame that it got such negative comments based on the excerpt. Yes Chua's extreme, yes some of the things she did was crazy but her kids did turn out incredible and based on the letter from her eldest daughter Chua taught them many valuable lessons on how to take on life's many challenges.
Amazing. Relatable and hilarious (made me laugh out loud a couple of different times). I loved how frank and self-deprecating the author is throughout the narrative - she doesn't sugarcoat herself, acknowledging and often openly mocking her own eccentricity (to comic effect). You really feel like you know her family intimately by the end of the story.
Spoiler
The only criticism: I found the ending somewhat anticlimactic. I feel like the author could have come to a more decisive conclusion. While the events of the story speak for themselves, I would have appreciated more discussion of what it all means from the author's perspective - especially since she ultimately gave in to Lulu.
I would give the beginning of the book 4 stars as I really did enjoy her Chinese parenting and thought I needed to step up my parenting and stop letting my kid by a quitter. I know this book had a lot of controversy because of her comparisons to the Chinese parents vs Westerns parents. I saw no problem with that. We are lax in our parenting. My mom was more like a Chinese parent than a Western parents. Maybe that is why I don't find it disturbing as some have. My mom was actually abusive, but at the time, I thought that was normal to get beat everyday.
At any rate, I don't like how the book took a different turned out. Once she lost control of her second daughter, the book got boring for me and I couldn't wait to finish.
At any rate, I don't like how the book took a different turned out. Once she lost control of her second daughter, the book got boring for me and I couldn't wait to finish.