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Reviews
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
ingread27's review against another edition
3.0
I read some reviews before I started this book, so I knew it would have a bias toward living with alcoholics, and a strong Christian theme. And so, with those grains of salt in hand, I ventured forth. The best thing about this book is all the self-identifying examples and language. I had never thought of myself as codependent, as I was very independent my whole life. For any of you who don't think you are codependent, but tend to care for others, are in a healing profession, or feel unappreciated, i highly recommend reading this book. You might get a glimpse of yourself. Now that I've read the book, I'm hearing friends and strangers use language that indicates codependency all the time. I'm more aware of it now. That doesn't mean they are suffering and need to seek help or anything. I just think many of us have some of these tendencies, and being aware of them allows us to grow and change.
What I did not appreciate about the book was the aforementioned focus on alcoholism and addiction. I understand that the author is only sharing her experience, and so she should, but it is truly heavily biased toward this particular type of codependent relationship, the spouse of an alcoholic. There was an entire chapter on the 12 step process which was entirely unnecessary in my opinion - that can be found in so many other books. But was easy enough to skip. Overall, it is considered an excellent resource for codependency because it was one of the first to put it all together, and I'm glad it was written. I'm glad I read it. Just don't expect much more than self-awareness from reading it. That in itself is already a huge gain.
What I did not appreciate about the book was the aforementioned focus on alcoholism and addiction. I understand that the author is only sharing her experience, and so she should, but it is truly heavily biased toward this particular type of codependent relationship, the spouse of an alcoholic. There was an entire chapter on the 12 step process which was entirely unnecessary in my opinion - that can be found in so many other books. But was easy enough to skip. Overall, it is considered an excellent resource for codependency because it was one of the first to put it all together, and I'm glad it was written. I'm glad I read it. Just don't expect much more than self-awareness from reading it. That in itself is already a huge gain.
kat2's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
I read this in the 80s when it was first published, and reading it again decades later is stunning. Clearly I didn’t absorb its lessons then. Hope I can now! “I believe taking care of ourselves is an art, and this art involves one fundamental idea that is foreign to many: giving ourselves what we need.” (127)
xtie's review against another edition
4.0
As someone who hates the self-help genre, it’s saying alot that I actually found this helpful. To be fair, I skimmed most of it. And it probably didn’t help I was reading the 1st edition with a lot of v dated language. But I genuinely found this book a comfort and it reaffirmed a lot about what I’m learning in therapy. I would recommend it with a caveat from my therapist - especially for anyone who has historically been made responsible for other people (or taken on the mantle themselves!) - he said to take it all with a pinch of salt and take what’s only helpful for you. You are not obliged to read self help books like they are a playbook.
pinkparentheses's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
fast-paced
1.0
I’m reading the 2009 edition. I realize many things have nuance but the difference between addicts and codependents are binary. Addicts can never understand a codependent just as the codependent could never understand the addict. That’s where the issue lies, plain and simple. The author is in no position writing on this topic because she is an addict. Yes, she may be sober but she will always be an addict. The resentment in this book seethes through the pages. The words she uses are victim blaming, fatphobic, white washed, and centered on Christian values. Just as she calls codependents controlling, who is she to tell us who we are? I don’t know if I’m fully codependent, but do have some traits. I’m definitely not an addict. I just don’t get how she can write about a “condition” that’s fully conditional on others behavior and still thinks the codependent has just as much issues as an addict. Maybe in extreme cases and maybe that’s relatable to some, but really the audacity of an addict to tell others how they should react to THEIR unhinged and selfish behavior…It’s makes complete sense, of course she would want to write this book!