Reviews with content warning for Suicidal thoughts - If I Had Your Face

I started this book having been warned that “it is not happy.” Overall I am struck by the scrappiness, confusion, and community that are born out of struggle. Even though on the whole the book is not happy, as it ended I could not help but reflect on how grateful I am for the ways that women will show up for each other, care for each other, and blend their lives together when the rest of the world fails them.

There is no true conflict or resolution in the book and it reads as vignettes from the lives of five women in South Korea, all of them with unfortunate childhoods. Their experiences can serve as cautionary tales for the ills born of sexism and classism, and the characters themselves sway between upholding these ideals, criticizing them, and suffering from them.

In one of the stories Miho is in New York navigating a world full of new cultural norms and surrounded by acquaintances who have already lived abroad and come from rich families. At a party she compliments the pink walls which were decorated by a Portuguese designer, and the compliment is brushed off and treated as against custom to speak about. Later Papa John’s is ordered for the guests and everyone responds excitedly to the food. Miho reflects to herself that she is learning you cannot compliment beautiful decor, but you can make a fuss over takeout food and that these are the things she is still trying to learn and navigate.

Miho also later discussed her experiences with other artists and how she assumes coming from a wealthy family means that you must be happy—but when she looks on the art of the wealthy students she sees deep despair, almost indicating that their suffering has been worse than hers.

At various points in the book there are deep comparisons between men’s experience compared to women, and the wealthy compared to those in poverty. Wrapped in these comparisons are the changed expectations and challenges of the young generation. We see this when Ara finally meets Tain and her idol is cruel abs ruins her perception of him. This plays out again with Kyuri and Bruce who is so nice to her at AJax and then violent when he sees her in his world. Wonna with her aunt and uncle, and even her husband who all have lives that she cannot touch and she seems to both idolize and resent them for it. Soogin is the only one who seems completely removed from these comparisons, seemingly having had a live that never invited her to mingle with those systemically better off than her. She also seems to be the force that knits these women together. She protects and sees power in each of the women, and she creates scenarios for them to pursue it. It is almost as if full acceptance of her position is what enables her to joyfully expect better and rebel against it.

Content Warnings

grunbean's review

Go to review page

challenging dark emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

I wasn’t sure when I this was picked for my book club’s monthly read, but I quickly fell in to this novel.

I think it’s best not to say too much, as I think the journey I took with the characters in their chapters was the best part of this book. What’s important (and not too revealing) to know is that these complex women have lives that bring them together in the end. And there is something beautiful in how Frances Cha has done this. The women aren’t perfect, and there are ideas I would challenge, but that’s what makes this book so real.

If you have experienced what it is like to live as a woman in society, this book will strike a chord.

Content Warnings

adriaxlife's review

Go to review page

challenging dark emotional hopeful inspiring mysterious reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

Content Warnings

runawry's review

Go to review page

dark emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Content Warnings

julseygirl's review

Go to review page

challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

This book is unlike anything I've ever read. Nothing happens, but I was on the edge of my seat and thoroughly enjoyed it the whole way through. The characters have all gone through various intense traumas and they just cope and get through day to day life. They way that they interact with each other and with the culture around them is heart-pounding in the worst ways. I want so much for them and their futures. But I also kind of like how I'll never know.

Content Warnings

korio's review

Go to review page

challenging reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

4.5 stars. My feelings changed about this one several times while I was reading it. I never didn't like it, I just jumped back and forth between and three and a five repeatedly. It's multi-POV, and at first I thought my feelings were changing based on whose POV I was reading, meaning that I'd have a better idea of my overall feelings once I finished the book, but around the 200 page mark, I realized it wasn't EXACTLY that. Sort of that, but not quite.

None of the woman featured in the book is a particularly likable character, but not unlikable, either - they're all very real and relatable, but also unrelatable. That makes no sense as a sentence, but they all take their turns jumping between "I am this woman" and "I know this woman." When I was reading each woman's POV, if she wasn't echoing thoughts and experiences I felt like I've had myself, then I felt like I could say, ah, well, at least I can say I've met someone like this, or I've seen someone go through this, and none of it stretched the bounds of credulity at all. All the women were living what felt like real, average, everyday lives of women - the book is essentially plotless - but at the same time, it never felt boring or basic or I know all this, skip it.

The reason I think I jumped back and forth with how I felt about it so much was because a couple of the women I found most interesting in the first half of the book were held far back and seemed deliberately kept at arm's length - Ara and Wonna - and I wished to get a lot more from them, while we were getting quite a lot from Kyuri and Miho, who were not exactly BORING, but felt much more... I don't know, it seems almost UNKIND to say common, shallow, or basic. My feelings about both of those things definitely changed in the last third, though.

Content Warnings

More...