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3.66 AVERAGE
3.66 AVERAGE
challenging
emotional
medium-paced
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
sad
tense
medium-paced
✨this book feels real and honest to the author, it is raw and unfiltered and devastating by the end. it’s hard to rate something like that. ariel levy is not a likable person at times it seems, but she is honest to a fault and knows what she wants. she wants it all. and I think that is severely relatable.
✨what brought my rating down for me was the clear privilege the author has had throughout her life and how she came off the page to me in a way that was out of touch and not as progressive as she thought she was. though this was published in 2017 and sooooo much in the culture has changed and shifted, I have a hard time believing that the communities that are spoken about in this book in less than favorable lights would have just shrugged this off. I think this is a clear girl boss book of the time that can both be real and relatable to other white women while also being offensive to other groups without demeaning the fact that ariel levy has gone through some tough stuff.
✨what brought my rating down for me was the clear privilege the author has had throughout her life and how she came off the page to me in a way that was out of touch and not as progressive as she thought she was. though this was published in 2017 and sooooo much in the culture has changed and shifted, I have a hard time believing that the communities that are spoken about in this book in less than favorable lights would have just shrugged this off. I think this is a clear girl boss book of the time that can both be real and relatable to other white women while also being offensive to other groups without demeaning the fact that ariel levy has gone through some tough stuff.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Fatphobia, Infidelity, Miscarriage, Transphobia, Pregnancy
challenging
emotional
fast-paced
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
emotional
fast-paced
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
an extraordinary memoir.
i don't know if i walked away from this memoir particularly fond of Levy, but i feel very captivated by her and i want to read so much of her other work. i love the way she writes. "writing is communicating with an unknown intimate who is always available, the way the faithful can turn to God." at first i just thought she was telling a bunch of different stories from her life but then towards the middle and end you saw them connect in the most beautiful way. her discussion of grief and of loss after losing her newborn baby, and her spouse at the same time were incredibly moving. i really enjoyed the overarching narrative of adventurer/explorer v. domesticity and putting yourself through challenging things just to prove, to god knows who, that you can. i feel like i walked away from this book feeling more confused about what i want for myself in the future, but in the best way.
soft spoilers?? but putting the warning just in case
it was really interesting to hear her talk about an affair she had during her marriage. it provided me not exactly with sympathy, but helped me understand more clearly why people cheat on their partners. cheating is the symptom of feeling like your needs are not met by your partner. "you have an affair to get for yourself what you wish would come from the person you love the most. And then you have broken her heart and she can never give you any of it ever again." but like also, when they were dating fidelity was just not something she valued and she expressed that to her partner. so like... not like it came out of nowhere!
the way she talks about her partner posed some interesting questions to me. after wedding, she is upset when strangers ask her "how is your wife?" because she feels like she is "the wife" of their relationship and lucy, her spouse, is "the husband." she feels this way about her relationship because lucy is more butch and is in charge of the yardwork around their house, is the driver, and the lifter of heavy objects; ariel is in charge of their social lives, appointments, and communicating issues between the two of them. i don't necessarily feel that she is incorrect or morally wrong for thinking of her own relationship in this way (it is her relationship, not mine.) but part of me does feel somewhat unsettled by it. every relationship has its own dynamics and establishing a division of labor is perfectly healthy. but the main characteristic of marriage between two women is that there are two wives, there does not need to be one member of that marriage who is "the husband." i think part of the reason it feels weird to me is because Lucy identifies as lesbian, whereas Ariel is attracted to people of all genders. historically womanhood has been defined by attraction and submission to men, so is ariel viewing her partner as less of a woman than herself because of this? she did not include any information on how Lucy felt about this classification.
just something i was thinking about. idk maybe some day i will enter a relationship and feel differently about it? or at the very least will write an essay about it? but in the meantime i am glad she shared her honest feelings about it in that way. overall, amazing memoir. great start to pride month too <333
i don't know if i walked away from this memoir particularly fond of Levy, but i feel very captivated by her and i want to read so much of her other work. i love the way she writes. "writing is communicating with an unknown intimate who is always available, the way the faithful can turn to God." at first i just thought she was telling a bunch of different stories from her life but then towards the middle and end you saw them connect in the most beautiful way. her discussion of grief and of loss after losing her newborn baby, and her spouse at the same time were incredibly moving. i really enjoyed the overarching narrative of adventurer/explorer v. domesticity and putting yourself through challenging things just to prove, to god knows who, that you can. i feel like i walked away from this book feeling more confused about what i want for myself in the future, but in the best way.
soft spoilers?? but putting the warning just in case
Spoiler
it was really interesting to hear her talk about an affair she had during her marriage. it provided me not exactly with sympathy, but helped me understand more clearly why people cheat on their partners. cheating is the symptom of feeling like your needs are not met by your partner. "you have an affair to get for yourself what you wish would come from the person you love the most. And then you have broken her heart and she can never give you any of it ever again." but like also, when they were dating fidelity was just not something she valued and she expressed that to her partner. so like... not like it came out of nowhere!
the way she talks about her partner posed some interesting questions to me. after wedding, she is upset when strangers ask her "how is your wife?" because she feels like she is "the wife" of their relationship and lucy, her spouse, is "the husband." she feels this way about her relationship because lucy is more butch and is in charge of the yardwork around their house, is the driver, and the lifter of heavy objects; ariel is in charge of their social lives, appointments, and communicating issues between the two of them. i don't necessarily feel that she is incorrect or morally wrong for thinking of her own relationship in this way (it is her relationship, not mine.) but part of me does feel somewhat unsettled by it. every relationship has its own dynamics and establishing a division of labor is perfectly healthy. but the main characteristic of marriage between two women is that there are two wives, there does not need to be one member of that marriage who is "the husband." i think part of the reason it feels weird to me is because Lucy identifies as lesbian, whereas Ariel is attracted to people of all genders. historically womanhood has been defined by attraction and submission to men, so is ariel viewing her partner as less of a woman than herself because of this? she did not include any information on how Lucy felt about this classification.
just something i was thinking about. idk maybe some day i will enter a relationship and feel differently about it? or at the very least will write an essay about it? but in the meantime i am glad she shared her honest feelings about it in that way. overall, amazing memoir. great start to pride month too <333
I appreciate how honest she was but this was just so depressing. The flowery language was also exhausting.
a fascinating read, mostly because Levy sounds like a horrible person but is only occasionally aware of that fact, but also is plainly a very good writer, at least when she’s not being bigoted or overly judgey
i read this with some trepidation, with some vague awareness that she’s at least controversial when it comes to trans issues, but it was still a rude shock when i got to some completely upfront transphobia
there are some really good elements to this: about becoming a writer, about an uneasy relationship with one’s queerness, some moments of self-awareness at least of her selfishness, and a recognition that some things are out of one’s control
but yeah lots of it is Levy blinded by her own selfishness or arrogance, with dips into transphobia and racism, and near constant judging other peoples’ choices. can’t recommend it on those counts
i read this with some trepidation, with some vague awareness that she’s at least controversial when it comes to trans issues, but it was still a rude shock when i got to some completely upfront transphobia
there are some really good elements to this: about becoming a writer, about an uneasy relationship with one’s queerness, some moments of self-awareness at least of her selfishness, and a recognition that some things are out of one’s control
but yeah lots of it is Levy blinded by her own selfishness or arrogance, with dips into transphobia and racism, and near constant judging other peoples’ choices. can’t recommend it on those counts
I read this in about a day. Sometimes you just want to know all the gorey details of someone else's life. Humans!