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4.09 AVERAGE
4.09 AVERAGE
informative
reflective
slow-paced
Psychologist on his observations of the process of becoming a person.
I both found this immensely valuable and got kinda creeped out. It's difficult to step away from this book and speak about it at any sort of distance; it's a book that's all about accepting one's subjective point of view as a starting point for developing a sense of self.
If we accept our flaws, we start to accept ourselves, and start being able to handle situations that are less black and white. Gray areas in ourselves, in other people, in situations.
But also there are no brakes on this, no ethics, no real acknowledgments that some people just don't have a conscience or the capacity to develop one.
I heard that the author had affairs with some of his clients. I don't know if it's true. When I started the book I couldn't see it; the author seemed kind. By the end of the book I could see it; the author seemed unable to acknowledge that there could possibly be any limitations to his method (despite speaking in a humble tone) or that anyone could possibly misuse it.
I liked it, I got a lot out of it, I feel like it helped me feel like a person. I also had to step back and go, "Aaaaand feeling like a person isn't the whole of an ethical person's journey."
Recommended nevertheless.
I both found this immensely valuable and got kinda creeped out. It's difficult to step away from this book and speak about it at any sort of distance; it's a book that's all about accepting one's subjective point of view as a starting point for developing a sense of self.
If we accept our flaws, we start to accept ourselves, and start being able to handle situations that are less black and white. Gray areas in ourselves, in other people, in situations.
But also there are no brakes on this, no ethics, no real acknowledgments that some people just don't have a conscience or the capacity to develop one.
I heard that the author had affairs with some of his clients. I don't know if it's true. When I started the book I couldn't see it; the author seemed kind. By the end of the book I could see it; the author seemed unable to acknowledge that there could possibly be any limitations to his method (despite speaking in a humble tone) or that anyone could possibly misuse it.
I liked it, I got a lot out of it, I feel like it helped me feel like a person. I also had to step back and go, "Aaaaand feeling like a person isn't the whole of an ethical person's journey."
Recommended nevertheless.
I feel weird giving this book a star rating considering it’s a collection of foundational lectures and papers published in 1965. This shit was dense af and I’m not sure why I decided to read it. Of course I have my critiques, of both Rogers’ writing and client-centered theoretical orientation, but I still find Rogers’ voice to be unique, brilliant, and warm.
Very informative, but most of it did not apply to the lay person
This book is great. I have recently started going to therapy and it has been such a great complementary tool. Different school of thought but definitely helpful. What really resonated with me was the emphasis the author gives to acceptance and how therapy can allow one to truly understand one's self and improve one's relationship with themselves and others. Also thought that his approach to understanding another and the emphasis he puts on putting one in another's position without judgement quite powerful. Otherwise it is very readable, the style though authoritative not awfully academic or stale in that sense. Parts that I found not relevant to me I skimmed through and due to the layout of the book did not feel like I missed out on important information that would impact my further reading of it. Great stuff.
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
informative
slow-paced
This book really helped me understand what’s going on when I go to therapy, and gave me a very compelling road map for what success looks like in that realm of my life. It also made me feel very inspired—I’ll never be a therapist in the literal sense but I can learn to be a therapeutic person to be around.
At the onset of this book it was looking to be very geared towards therapists or those interested in an educator-student relationship. But ultimately I feel this book brought to light a number of brand new ideas for me related to personal growth, emotions, interpersonal relationships, education to name a few. Highly recommend as I feel like everyone would be able to pick out a couple bits which would relate to them
One of the early learnings was the notion that growth will not occur unless individuals are willing to be fully accepting of all the emotions they experience. The person who is “open to his experiences,… he feels less fear of the emotional reactions which he has.”. This in turn allows a person to be more feeling, more present and more aware of themselves as a picture of all the emotions they feel; “There is a gradual growth of trust in, and even affection for the complex, rich, varied assortment of feelings and tendencies which exist in [one] at the organic level”. In this same way by being open to emotions and experiences, individuals may act in a way that allows them to reference the full depths of their lifetime when responding to situations.
Rogers states that “to the extent that [one] has defensively closed off areas of his experience from awareness, the person is more likely to make choices which are socially destructive. To the extent that [one] is open to all phases of his experience we may be sure that this person will be more likely [to act] in a manner which is personally and socially constructive”. He applies these learnings to a number of areas. Including with relations to others. He states that relationships suffer when individuals act in ways that are contrary to the way they feel. Genuineness in emotions allows authenticity that ultimately frees up individuals to act in ways more in line with their “ideal self”, specified by the person they wish to be.
Rogers extends this knowledge to a number of other areas. He states that the way in which we must go about conversations with those we disagree with must be to first understand fully their perspective on the topic. He implores us to “speak up for himself only after her has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately, and to that speakers satisfaction” and fully “achieve the other speaker’s frame of reference”. Often he tells that we are rarely even discussing the same topics when emotional topics become involves; politics, etc, and that much of the time both parties come out of conversations more staunch in their own perspectives than beforehand. He also talks about the way in which we are motivated by “real” teachers we have. And the way in which learning is accelerated when students are given the choice to learn and express themselves in an open and understanding environment.
The final section of the book explores the then (late 1950’s) emerging study of behavioral sciences. Rogers talks about his unease at the way in which the studies performed on the benefits of client-centered psychotherapy can be used to also manipulate humans, make them dependent, insecure and unconfident. That the “responsible personal choice is the most essential element in being a person” and to deny it is “as stultifying as close minded as to deny the possibility of behavioral science”. He goes on to say that “if the result of my efforts and those of others is that man becomes a robot, created and controlled by a science of his own making then I am very unhappy indeed. If the good life of the future consists in so conditioning individuals through the control of their environment, and through the control of the rewards they receive, that they will be inexorably productive, well-behaved, happy or whatever, then I want none of it. To me this is a pseudo-form of the good life which includes everything save which makes it good.” Carl passed away in the 80s and I can’t help but think he would be disappointed by the way behavioral sciences have been used, particularly in marketing and on social media in general, to manipulate and control individuals. We are becoming increasingly divided, increasingly less empathetic and more isolated and “trained” to gain rewards online and through purchases. Companies necessarily feed into our insecurities to gain our interest.
One of the early learnings was the notion that growth will not occur unless individuals are willing to be fully accepting of all the emotions they experience. The person who is “open to his experiences,… he feels less fear of the emotional reactions which he has.”. This in turn allows a person to be more feeling, more present and more aware of themselves as a picture of all the emotions they feel; “There is a gradual growth of trust in, and even affection for the complex, rich, varied assortment of feelings and tendencies which exist in [one] at the organic level”. In this same way by being open to emotions and experiences, individuals may act in a way that allows them to reference the full depths of their lifetime when responding to situations.
Rogers states that “to the extent that [one] has defensively closed off areas of his experience from awareness, the person is more likely to make choices which are socially destructive. To the extent that [one] is open to all phases of his experience we may be sure that this person will be more likely [to act] in a manner which is personally and socially constructive”. He applies these learnings to a number of areas. Including with relations to others. He states that relationships suffer when individuals act in ways that are contrary to the way they feel. Genuineness in emotions allows authenticity that ultimately frees up individuals to act in ways more in line with their “ideal self”, specified by the person they wish to be.
Rogers extends this knowledge to a number of other areas. He states that the way in which we must go about conversations with those we disagree with must be to first understand fully their perspective on the topic. He implores us to “speak up for himself only after her has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately, and to that speakers satisfaction” and fully “achieve the other speaker’s frame of reference”. Often he tells that we are rarely even discussing the same topics when emotional topics become involves; politics, etc, and that much of the time both parties come out of conversations more staunch in their own perspectives than beforehand. He also talks about the way in which we are motivated by “real” teachers we have. And the way in which learning is accelerated when students are given the choice to learn and express themselves in an open and understanding environment.
The final section of the book explores the then (late 1950’s) emerging study of behavioral sciences. Rogers talks about his unease at the way in which the studies performed on the benefits of client-centered psychotherapy can be used to also manipulate humans, make them dependent, insecure and unconfident. That the “responsible personal choice is the most essential element in being a person” and to deny it is “as stultifying as close minded as to deny the possibility of behavioral science”. He goes on to say that “if the result of my efforts and those of others is that man becomes a robot, created and controlled by a science of his own making then I am very unhappy indeed. If the good life of the future consists in so conditioning individuals through the control of their environment, and through the control of the rewards they receive, that they will be inexorably productive, well-behaved, happy or whatever, then I want none of it. To me this is a pseudo-form of the good life which includes everything save which makes it good.” Carl passed away in the 80s and I can’t help but think he would be disappointed by the way behavioral sciences have been used, particularly in marketing and on social media in general, to manipulate and control individuals. We are becoming increasingly divided, increasingly less empathetic and more isolated and “trained” to gain rewards online and through purchases. Companies necessarily feed into our insecurities to gain our interest.
informative
medium-paced
I can see how Rogers' work would have made an impact when it was first published, but the book overall is not very well put together. So much of it is redundant and doesn't really live up to its promise. The case studies presented seem out of context and even outmoded. I think this would have worked much better if it had been highly condensed.