Take a photo of a barcode or cover
876 reviews for:
While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence
Meg Kissinger
4.28 AVERAGE
876 reviews for:
While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence
Meg Kissinger
4.28 AVERAGE
This is an amazing book. It is both page-turning readable and also so sad and brutal dealing w some of the toughest issues facing families that it is at times difficult to read and absorb. (Aspects of the Catholic faith and attitude towards mothers/motherhood as well as attitudes about suicide were upsetting…although believe that there is more tolerance now…but she’s really talking about people raised in my generation)
She is insightful and unsparing in her commentary and a delightful storyteller.
Her career focused on investigating and reporting on the lack of effective mental health supports has likely been important.
Heard her speak locally as she grew up here and hearing her talk about her family was also moving. All the Wilmette references are an added bonus for those of us who are local readers.
She is insightful and unsparing in her commentary and a delightful storyteller.
Her career focused on investigating and reporting on the lack of effective mental health supports has likely been important.
Heard her speak locally as she grew up here and hearing her talk about her family was also moving. All the Wilmette references are an added bonus for those of us who are local readers.
reflective
sad
medium-paced
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
BX Link: https://bookcrossing.com/journal/17029393
Genre: Non Fiction/Memoir
Where: Suburban Chicago, Illinois
When: 1960s & 1970s
Thoughts/Reflections: Another wow. The author is a journalist, so I was confident she would both pull no punches and tell a good story. As the cover indicates, she delivers “an intimate family portrait of mental illness in an era of silence.” It’s raw, it’s gut-wrenching, it’s heartbreaking – but it’s also peppered with humor and full of hope. I found it well worth a handful of hours of my time.
My favorite words:
“They were each stuck in a bad situation, eager for a fresh start. They both longed for someone who knew how it felt to have your life sailing along in one direction and then, suddenly, one day, without any warning, to have it be turned around so completely that you didn't know where you were heading anymore.”
“Whenever we had trouble, Sister told us to ask our guardian angels for help. Guardian angels, we learned, are invisible little creatures whose sole purpose is to protect us, like a celestial offensive lineman.”
“We never wore bike helmets or seat belts. No one I knew did. We never owned a car seat. Babies rode in wicker baskets. My mother merely stuck out her right arm when she hit the brakes suddenly to keep one or more of us from crashing into the dashboard or flying through the windshield.”
“I'd learned how to block out what I didn't want to think or hear or see. When you put on blinders, it becomes easy to create your own reality, to blur fact with fiction. You sharpen the focus to only a few pixels so that you can't see the whole picture. You start to wonder if something really happened or if you were making it up. After a while, I couldn't trust myself to know the difference.”
“I wasn't to blame. I knew that. But our family's shorthand way of dealing with these situations by simply not discussing them or making light of it had an insidious way of fueling shame and blame where none was warranted.”
“More secrets, more lies, just like when my mother disappeared years earlier. Why couldn't we just tell the damn truth? By hiding what really happened, we'd not only be dismissing Nancy's suffering but fortifying the notion that her mental illness was a choice, one that we should all be ashamed of.”
“Nothing captivates a bunch of Irish people more than a sad story and a stiff drink. We offered them plenty of both.”
“I had not let myself remember Nancy like that because I was too ashamed of the way she died. Trauma does that to you. It steals your memory.”
“Our family language of wisecracks and one-liners had been our way of keeping us all from panicking, to distract us from the truth that we were scared out of our minds. We used humor as a kind of Band-Aid, to keep the fear and anger from infecting us.”
“I'm glad I could set the record straight. Nancy deserved to be remembered for the way she really was, not for how we wanted her to be.”
“…this is what suicide does. It deprives families of their primal need to grieve fully. The shame of how they died overshadows them. We don't talk about people we love who end their own lives in the same way that we would if they had died of leukemia or had been killed in a skiing accident. It's an especially lonely kind of grief.”
“Secrets can strangle relationships.”
“The more time I took to consider the trauma we had all been through, the easier I understood that two seemingly contradictory truths can exist simultaneously. My parents could be warm and loving but also reckless and flawed. Our family life could have been happy despite the tragedies.”
Genre: Non Fiction/Memoir
Where: Suburban Chicago, Illinois
When: 1960s & 1970s
Thoughts/Reflections: Another wow. The author is a journalist, so I was confident she would both pull no punches and tell a good story. As the cover indicates, she delivers “an intimate family portrait of mental illness in an era of silence.” It’s raw, it’s gut-wrenching, it’s heartbreaking – but it’s also peppered with humor and full of hope. I found it well worth a handful of hours of my time.
My favorite words:
“They were each stuck in a bad situation, eager for a fresh start. They both longed for someone who knew how it felt to have your life sailing along in one direction and then, suddenly, one day, without any warning, to have it be turned around so completely that you didn't know where you were heading anymore.”
“Whenever we had trouble, Sister told us to ask our guardian angels for help. Guardian angels, we learned, are invisible little creatures whose sole purpose is to protect us, like a celestial offensive lineman.”
“We never wore bike helmets or seat belts. No one I knew did. We never owned a car seat. Babies rode in wicker baskets. My mother merely stuck out her right arm when she hit the brakes suddenly to keep one or more of us from crashing into the dashboard or flying through the windshield.”
“I'd learned how to block out what I didn't want to think or hear or see. When you put on blinders, it becomes easy to create your own reality, to blur fact with fiction. You sharpen the focus to only a few pixels so that you can't see the whole picture. You start to wonder if something really happened or if you were making it up. After a while, I couldn't trust myself to know the difference.”
“I wasn't to blame. I knew that. But our family's shorthand way of dealing with these situations by simply not discussing them or making light of it had an insidious way of fueling shame and blame where none was warranted.”
“More secrets, more lies, just like when my mother disappeared years earlier. Why couldn't we just tell the damn truth? By hiding what really happened, we'd not only be dismissing Nancy's suffering but fortifying the notion that her mental illness was a choice, one that we should all be ashamed of.”
“Nothing captivates a bunch of Irish people more than a sad story and a stiff drink. We offered them plenty of both.”
“I had not let myself remember Nancy like that because I was too ashamed of the way she died. Trauma does that to you. It steals your memory.”
“Our family language of wisecracks and one-liners had been our way of keeping us all from panicking, to distract us from the truth that we were scared out of our minds. We used humor as a kind of Band-Aid, to keep the fear and anger from infecting us.”
“I'm glad I could set the record straight. Nancy deserved to be remembered for the way she really was, not for how we wanted her to be.”
“…this is what suicide does. It deprives families of their primal need to grieve fully. The shame of how they died overshadows them. We don't talk about people we love who end their own lives in the same way that we would if they had died of leukemia or had been killed in a skiing accident. It's an especially lonely kind of grief.”
“Secrets can strangle relationships.”
“The more time I took to consider the trauma we had all been through, the easier I understood that two seemingly contradictory truths can exist simultaneously. My parents could be warm and loving but also reckless and flawed. Our family life could have been happy despite the tragedies.”
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
reflective
sad
challenging
informative
reflective
fast-paced
challenging
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
A heartfelt and incredibly heartbreaking memoir about a family of ten struggling with depression, bipolar disorder, addiction, and sadly, suicide in a time when people didn't disclose mental illness because of the stigma associated with it. Thankfully, due to education, awareness, and brave families like the authors sharing their stories, the paradigm is shifting. The takeaway here is that if you or a loved one are struggling, there is no shame in asking for help. It could save a life. A must-read for everyone!
Upon reading the description, I knew I needed to read this one - thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for the gifted copy!
First of all, I'm in awe of the author's ability to share her/her family's story and all the trauma that occurred. It couldn't have been easy. I thought it was clever that the first parts of the book focused on her family's struggles, and the last part of the memoir was more investigative journalism-focused and provided statistics and information about mental illness and suicide.
However, it did feel like the memoir was a bit long and overly detailed in places.
Overall, I recommend this memoir.
First of all, I'm in awe of the author's ability to share her/her family's story and all the trauma that occurred. It couldn't have been easy. I thought it was clever that the first parts of the book focused on her family's struggles, and the last part of the memoir was more investigative journalism-focused and provided statistics and information about mental illness and suicide.
However, it did feel like the memoir was a bit long and overly detailed in places.
Overall, I recommend this memoir.
emotional
informative
inspiring
sad
medium-paced