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3.69 AVERAGE
3.69 AVERAGE
In this brilliant meditation on the costs of childbearing, particularly to artists, Heti relates her struggle to decide whether or not to have children. The book is called a novel, but I have to assume reflects the author's own agonizing. While some women will empathize with her uncertain back and forth, I could see others being irritated by her frequent expressions of outright contempt for her friends who did have children. Lines like this one aren't going to make Heti too many friends: "The egoism of childbearing is like the egoism of colonizing a country—both carry the wish of imprinting yourself on the world, and making it over with your values, and in your image." Thoughtful and amazing book, though, and I'm very glad I read it.
reflective
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
meditative & circular to the point it almost starts to feel claustrophobic, but it’s ultimately saved by heiti’s stunning prose & her commitment to interrogating each of her emotional whims with genuine curiosity & tenderness.
Did I like this book?
↠ No.
Was I not intellectual or philosophical enough to like this book?
↠ Yes.
So should I keep my opinions to myself?
↠ No.
Is it because there might be other readers like me?
↠ No.
Is it because like the writing of this book maybe posting here is a personal attempt at processing my thoughts?
↠ Yes.
.
Doing the coin tossing was a creative exercise but I do not think that translated enough into enjoyment and insight of those sections in the book to the reader - or at least, to this reader.
Some parts and lines did resonate with me and if this were a book of essays, I would have enjoyed it so much more. Instead, it was a book of biographical fiction that was hard to separate the narrator from the author and meandered back and forth too many times.
.
I had heard that the narrator was too unlikeable and the book should have tackled topics like infertility. I thought I would not feel this way because one book cannot answer everyone's perspective and likability of a narrator is often not that important - however, I ended up agreeing! The narrator grated on my nerves and so did her boyfriend Miles, especially when she claims she wishes she could come out like gay people do (???) and her boyfriend talks to her about how no one judges gay and lesbian couples for not having kids (????????). These parts were not included in 'character quotations' either. There is barely any discussion of adoption and I would have liked if the narrator even brought it up at the start to dismiss for herself instead of ignoring it. There were some interesting reflections on the mothers in her life and her family's history with the Holocaust but then there was also this line comparing herself to this experience: "That is how my life has always felt to me: like those last few bloodied and hobbled steps after the bullet has pierced the body" and she would just lose me again.
.
I think the conflict of this book is real and I don't agree with some criticisms that it wasn't enough to spend a whole book talking about. So I don't want to minimize her having a crisis of doubt because I do sympathize with that and I like that books are being written about these very real internal debates. It was more the narrator's thoughts, voice and decisions that would continue losing me throughout the novel.
↠ No.
Was I not intellectual or philosophical enough to like this book?
↠ Yes.
So should I keep my opinions to myself?
↠ No.
Is it because there might be other readers like me?
↠ No.
Is it because like the writing of this book maybe posting here is a personal attempt at processing my thoughts?
↠ Yes.
.
Doing the coin tossing was a creative exercise but I do not think that translated enough into enjoyment and insight of those sections in the book to the reader - or at least, to this reader.
Some parts and lines did resonate with me and if this were a book of essays, I would have enjoyed it so much more. Instead, it was a book of biographical fiction that was hard to separate the narrator from the author and meandered back and forth too many times.
.
I had heard that the narrator was too unlikeable and the book should have tackled topics like infertility. I thought I would not feel this way because one book cannot answer everyone's perspective and likability of a narrator is often not that important - however, I ended up agreeing! The narrator grated on my nerves and so did her boyfriend Miles, especially when she claims she wishes she could come out like gay people do (???) and her boyfriend talks to her about how no one judges gay and lesbian couples for not having kids (????????). These parts were not included in 'character quotations' either. There is barely any discussion of adoption and I would have liked if the narrator even brought it up at the start to dismiss for herself instead of ignoring it. There were some interesting reflections on the mothers in her life and her family's history with the Holocaust but then there was also this line comparing herself to this experience: "That is how my life has always felt to me: like those last few bloodied and hobbled steps after the bullet has pierced the body" and she would just lose me again.
.
I think the conflict of this book is real and I don't agree with some criticisms that it wasn't enough to spend a whole book talking about. So I don't want to minimize her having a crisis of doubt because I do sympathize with that and I like that books are being written about these very real internal debates. It was more the narrator's thoughts, voice and decisions that would continue losing me throughout the novel.
reflective
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Tbh I read enough to get the gist for my class assignment, I liked the premise
challenging
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
challenging
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
Close to a five star for this one... I found how mental illness was dealt with a little problematically - maybe that's cause I've yet to find a pill that makes my anxiety just melt away, making it hard for me to digest those passages.
I honestly didn't know too much about the book going into this so I was pleasantly surprised how the desire to reproduce (or not) was handled. I'm sure many women will recognize parts of themselves in the protagonist.
I honestly didn't know too much about the book going into this so I was pleasantly surprised how the desire to reproduce (or not) was handled. I'm sure many women will recognize parts of themselves in the protagonist.
challenging
reflective
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Motherhood reads as a diary, dense ponderous rambling, as the character only speaks to us when she is actively thinking through writing and not just living life. The thoughts are convoluted and frequently fold in on themselves, sometimes being hard to follow or seeming incessant and needless; in other words, it felt very realistically like being the one trying to make an uncertain decision and not having any guidance. It was interesting but didn't quite feel grounded or tangible since it exists so much in the abstract. I found all this annoying in the first half, and reassuring in the second half, as the MC lets go of the decision as a looming intellectual problem, stops agonizing over lives not lived, and embraces what her intuition told her all along. In the end there is a poetic structure, and a perfect final line.
I kept reading because there were occasionally valuable tidbits, like:
"I don't want to be a passageway through which a man might come," in contemplating men as "ends in themselves" but women as a means to birth the ends of men.
"Don't ask questions about things that can go either way. the reason why you can't find an answer whenever you can't, is because the answer doesn't much matter in the general course of things. If something can be debated endlessly and without resolution, it cannot matter. The things that cannot be debated are the things that matter most. [...] For some it cannot be debated whether they will have a child. But for those for whom it can be debated, it's probably a fine life either way."
I kept reading because there were occasionally valuable tidbits, like:
"I don't want to be a passageway through which a man might come," in contemplating men as "ends in themselves" but women as a means to birth the ends of men.
"Don't ask questions about things that can go either way. the reason why you can't find an answer whenever you can't, is because the answer doesn't much matter in the general course of things. If something can be debated endlessly and without resolution, it cannot matter. The things that cannot be debated are the things that matter most. [...] For some it cannot be debated whether they will have a child. But for those for whom it can be debated, it's probably a fine life either way."