Reviews with content warning for Death of parent - My Dark Vanessa

i feel weird reviewing and even rating this book considering the subject matter because even though it's technically fiction it feels horribly invasive, like reading someone's diary. it is very well written with beautiful prose and a protagonist who is extremely real and raw. the book did run a little long, especially considering there was little character development outside of vanessa but overall it was an extremely gripping read.

i would not recommend reading this as a survivor of rape and especially of child sexual abuse, more because of how adamant vanessa is that she was not abused than how graphic the abuse is written. it can be very hard to stomach her constant romanticisation and denial of strane's abuse, despite how obvious it us to us as readers that he manipulated her. 'manipulate' does not feel like anywhere near as strong of a word to portray how he controlled and exploited her.

vanessa is not a 'perfect victim' and she struggles with this well into adulthood; the idea that a woman must be perfectly chaste, perfectly humble, perfectly innocent, and perfectly untouched by the world to be believed or taken seriously as a victim is one that permeates our society to this day. what was she wearing?, she lead him on, she was asking for it, she wanted it. this novel does an incredible job at giving a voice to the many survivors who (unsurprisingly) don't fit that mould and showing a different perspective.

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paulken's review against another edition

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dark sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No

4.25

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shakattxck's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

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magicalmegija's review against another edition

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challenging dark slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

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bahnessa's review against another edition

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dark emotional sad medium-paced

5.0

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veronica214's review against another edition

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dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

Wow this is a difficult review to write. First of all, I honestly can't believe this is a debut novel because it is so. freaking. good. It's written so well, that it's one of the most emotionally difficult books I've read. It's raw...but flows so well. The beautiful writing juxtaposed with the disgusting actions it portrays is heartbreaking. I feel like this is reflective of Vanessa's adolescent life.

When she was 15, she and her 42 year old teacher began a "relationship". Strane made her feel special, complimented her, commented on her intelligence and maturity. He was a pedophile, but she believed he really loved her. Vanessa thinks she wanted the relationship. Consented to everything. Even stayed in touch with him until her early twenties. She "needs it to be a love story" in order to not fall apart. She constantly convinces herself she wanted his attention, propelled his actions, and that he was a caring person.

I can personally relate to aspects of Vanessa's struggle and confusion--though I was in 12th grade (18) dating someone a bit older than me. Very different circumstances than Vanessa, but damn it's so hard when you're so young. It sort of changes you.

All the trigger warnings.

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alicia_belcourt's review against another edition

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dark emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

This book for me was a very slow read. It had taken me forever to finish it once I had started it, due to the fact that I had to keep taking breaks every so often. This book had a very dark plot about a student who is faced with the reality that she was abused by her teacher when she was in high school.

The concept of the plot alone intrigued me because I have never read anything like this book before, and it quickly continued to intrigue me the more I read. The writing style of this book was beautifully executed in my opinion because I feel that not many authors could so greatly execute a juxtaposition of the mind quite like Kate Elizabeth Russell did. She was constantly building on the idea of the relationship being romantically sought after by the main character, Vanessa. I also really loved reading how she continued to recount the key details that sparked and arose during the abusive relationship. As well as when Vanessa had continued to age and was still in contact with her abuser, I enjoyed the way Kate wrote about how Vanessa felt 'out of her body' because there were times when she described herself walking around or being 'far off' during scenes of the abuse. However there were aspects of the book that made it a bit of a tougher read for me. For example, Vanessa was at times made to be extremely unlikeable, and I mean this in the way that there were times of her recounting the events of abuse where she was constantly in a state of denial, even when presented with substantial 'evidence'. I understood the reasoning for this as I reached the end of the book, but at the moment it was very hard to stay focused in the book when the main character seemed so unlikable.

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