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hopeful
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
Content Warnings
Minor: Child abuse, Emotional abuse
Biblical references throughout the book so any secular / non-Christian readers be aware.
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
There were ideas here that I appreciated thinking about and reading about. I enjoyed the essay style structure where one chapter/section read to the other.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Cancer, Child abuse, Sexual content
Minor: Infidelity
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
I felt that the book spoke to a lot of challenging topics that I have personally experienced and I felt it was handled very well. They write smoothly and gracefully and I would recommend it to anyone.
Content Warnings
Minor: Child abuse, Emotional abuse
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
This was one of those books where you basically want to underline everything. I annotated a good deal in my edition (mostly underlining, with a few notes). I will definitely be rereading this, even if it is just to go to some of the sections I highlighted. I liked each of the essays, though a few didn't quite match up to what it is titled. The discussions on the influences of the patriarchy and capitalism on how people view and interact with love was very interesting, so "Greed" and "Values" are two of my favorite essays in the collection. The recurring discussions on the fantasy of love versus the reality, as well as accepting the idea of love as an action, rather than just a feeling, idea, or ideal, were also some of my favorite parts of the book. This does deal a lot more with spirituality than I expected, which took me out a bit. The same goes with the discussions on how to raise children with a more dynamic, action-centered idea of love because, although it makes sense, I didn't find those sections as interesting as the parts discussing the actions and behaviors of adults. I liked the continuous discussion about the "ingredients" of love: care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, trust, and honest and open communication (all of which should be present in true love, and lack of one does not actually depict love). I definitely would recommend this for everyone to read. I am just a bit disappointed that, though I enjoyed this, I didn't love this as much as I was expecting.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Misogyny, Sexism
Moderate: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship
Minor: Addiction, Death, Suicidal thoughts
challenging
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Biphobia, Cancer, Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Emotional abuse, Hate crime, Homophobia, Incest, Infidelity, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexism, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Transphobia, Violence, Grief, Religious bigotry, Death of parent, Acephobia/Arophobia, Murder, Lesbophobia, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Abandonment, Alcohol, Classism
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
This book affirmed so much about how I was raised, which brought me a lot of peace. bell hooks is a national treasure. I’m glad I read this.
Content Warnings
Minor: Child abuse
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
The message I took from this book is that love is action, a journey, a lesson, and a destination. It is with love, and “love ethic” that we can heal ourselves, each other, and the world. Having recently read James Baldwin’s “The Fire Next Time,” this was an aligned companion follow up read on this message.
I resonated with much of hooks’ insights—some chapters more than others. For example, I appreciated and agreed with her take on all of the capitalist forces at play toward upholding a loveless society and all of the cynicism, narcissism, emptiness, loneliness, and social ills that ensue from this. Chapters 6 and 7 on “Values” and “Greed” were standouts to me. I think how she grounded this book in her own traumas, feeling cared for but not loved growing up, and overcoming or taking responsibility to grow from these experiences, also offered strong reflection.
It is true there is a strong emphasis on God and religion, especially in later chapters (which I understand, since this is HER perspective). This didn’t bother me and I’m not religious.
It should be noted though that the core of many of her arguments are heteronormative. She makes sweeping and definitive statements along the lines of men are from Mars and women are from Venus, with a lot of stereotypes and little nuance. She references people who are homosexual a couple of times, but in general, I do not think LGBTQ+ or queer people are really seen or expressed in this book. Am I wrong? This is especially surprising as she considered herself queer or “queer-pas-gay” (which I learned she described as "not who you're having sex with, but about being at odds with everything around it.") 🤔 I need to think about this more.
I was shocked by some of her victim blaming examples too…like insinuating Nicole Brown Simpson may have survived if she wasn’t so absorbed in her lavish lifestyle with OJ and instead had chosen to leave. Or how she addresses Monica Lewinsky without saying her name while also saying she exploited the scandal for money and fame (nothing about the coercive power dynamics that were at play for a 22 year-old intern and 49 year old man who had the most powerful position in the country / world).
These things did surprise me, since I’m just starting to develop knowledge of her scholarship and writing. From what I understand, bell hooks is considered one of the most impactful feminist theorists and social scholars of our time, yet her analysis on this front was very shallow, even for it being written 20+ years ago. I wonder what she would write or how she would revise if she were alive today. Since with love, we evolve, I do think she would have evolved too. I’m sticking with that.
There were other things I also disagreed with. Like I don’t need to forgive or to be partnered to be self-actualized, for example. That is antiquated psychology bs.
I need to sit with this for a while and return to reflect more on my marked pages.
Content Warnings
Minor: Addiction, Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Misogyny, Racism, Self harm, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Grief, Classism
medium-paced
Not as insightful as I hoped it would be
Content Warnings
Moderate: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Misogyny, Abandonment
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Misogyny
Moderate: Child abuse, Death, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Toxic relationship
Minor: Addiction, Alcoholism, Cancer, Child death, Confinement, Drug abuse, Gun violence, Homophobia, Incest, Infidelity, Mental illness, Racism, Sexism, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Terminal illness, Torture, Violence, Grief, Religious bigotry, Death of parent, Murder, Pregnancy, Toxic friendship, Abandonment, War, Classism
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
ES:
Este libro ha ocupado todo mi mes de enero y casi todo febrero y me es muy difícil reseñarlo.
Es un ensayo sobre el amor en todas sus formas (incluyendo la amistad, el amor a uno mismo, el deseo, el amor romántico e incluso el amor y la espiritualidad).
Ha sido un libro al que le he dedicado un mes entero no porque se me hiciese cuesta arriba, sino porque he desentrañado aspectos que nunca me había planteado antes, porque había argumentos que me parecían interesantes y otros que no entendía bien o simplemente por el hecho de que, por una vez, quería leer un libro despacio y disfrutarlo. Quería tomarme mi tiempo.
Disfrutar de forma lenta este libro ha sido lo que más me ha gustado, proceso en el cuál he descubierto aspectos sociales que nunca me había planteado e incluso detalles en los que he cambiado de opinión.
Y es que a veces está bien analizar cómo vemos el amor y si esta visión es propia o no, y hasta qué punto hemos cambiado nosotras con respecto al mismo.
This book has taken up my entire month of January and almost all of February and I am having a very difficult time reviewing it.
It is an essay on love in all its forms (including friendship, self-love, desire, romantic love and even love and spirituality).
It has been a book to which I have devoted a whole month not because it was hard for me, but because I have unraveled aspects that I had never considered before, because there were arguments that I found interesting and others that I did not understand well, or simply because, for once, I wanted to read a book slowly and enjoy it. I wanted to take my time.
Enjoying this book slowly has been what I have liked the most, a process in which I have discovered social aspects that I had never considered and even details in which I have changed my mind.
Sometimes it is good to analyze how we see love and if this vision is our own or not, and to what extent we have changed with regards to it.
Este libro ha ocupado todo mi mes de enero y casi todo febrero y me es muy difícil reseñarlo.
Es un ensayo sobre el amor en todas sus formas (incluyendo la amistad, el amor a uno mismo, el deseo, el amor romántico e incluso el amor y la espiritualidad).
Ha sido un libro al que le he dedicado un mes entero no porque se me hiciese cuesta arriba, sino porque he desentrañado aspectos que nunca me había planteado antes, porque había argumentos que me parecían interesantes y otros que no entendía bien o simplemente por el hecho de que, por una vez, quería leer un libro despacio y disfrutarlo. Quería tomarme mi tiempo.
Disfrutar de forma lenta este libro ha sido lo que más me ha gustado, proceso en el cuál he descubierto aspectos sociales que nunca me había planteado e incluso detalles en los que he cambiado de opinión.
Y es que a veces está bien analizar cómo vemos el amor y si esta visión es propia o no, y hasta qué punto hemos cambiado nosotras con respecto al mismo.
This book has taken up my entire month of January and almost all of February and I am having a very difficult time reviewing it.
It is an essay on love in all its forms (including friendship, self-love, desire, romantic love and even love and spirituality).
It has been a book to which I have devoted a whole month not because it was hard for me, but because I have unraveled aspects that I had never considered before, because there were arguments that I found interesting and others that I did not understand well, or simply because, for once, I wanted to read a book slowly and enjoy it. I wanted to take my time.
Enjoying this book slowly has been what I have liked the most, a process in which I have discovered social aspects that I had never considered and even details in which I have changed my mind.
Sometimes it is good to analyze how we see love and if this vision is our own or not, and to what extent we have changed with regards to it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Sexism, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, Violence, Toxic friendship, Alcohol, Sexual harassment