Reviews with content warning for Bullying - Everything I Never Told You

I was fully ready to rate this book 5 stars until I read the twist ending that undercuts the first 80% of the book. Don't get me wrong though: it's beautifully and expertly written. The characters are richly described, have deep inner lives, and have exquisitely unique senses of their self. I appreciated the exploration of family dynamics at play, as well as seeing things from the point of view of characters of color as well.

I thoroughly enjoyed the book...except for the last 30 pages, which I will discuss in the spoiler tag below.

The catalyst for the entire novel is because Lydia had an accident. Even her death robbed her of her agency. I was going to give this book a five-out-of-five rating because I thought I was reading an actual true-to-life account of a teen struggling with depression, but no. She drowns on accident. Because her foot missed the dock when she was climbing out of the boat.

This book is just another example of literary fiction grief porn. Lydia "had to" die for her family to learn how to live. Even her death is only meaningful to those who are living. Even her death was taken away as a thing meant just for her.

I was hugely disappointed.

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afion's review against another edition

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4.25

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quietlex's review against another edition

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dark emotional sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Plot
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

2.5

I don’t know, I found this read pretty boring. The main struggles really all result from Marilyn running away, which in turn soiled her children’s relationships with each other and herself. The beloved middle child put on a pedestal, the eldest tolerated, and the youngest completely overlooked and forgotten. I enjoyed getting to know each character more, but there was so little to find out, in reality. It seems the reoccurring theme is running away:

Marilyn from her old life being a housewife instead of a doctor, James from constant racism and his sad wife who never seems satisfied with what he can offer, Nath from being at home and disappointing his parents, and Lydia from the crushing weight her parents put on her to be exactly what the other didn’t want, being popular/fitting in vs standing out/ being different. Lydia took on the responsibility of holding her parents relationship together, trying to be everything her mother wanted, as long as she wouldn’t abandon them again. Marilyn became obsessive once she lost her chance at medical school, forcing Lydia to become everything she wanted to be and more. I cannot believe the treatment of Hannah, the poor youngest. Literally and figuratively pushed away at every turn, just trying to find her place in the family and in the world. She is the magnum opus of the family, the one reason why Marilyn was forced to come back home, the one mistake that cost her her last chance of becoming a doctor. She is the real victim in the story. The infidelity is wrapped up rather hastily, with James swearing to never speak to Louisa again, making it seem like it was purely physical, like he was only cheating because his wife wasn’t putting out. There was so much more there, with her being the literal only other Asian in town, or baking handmade treats from James’s childhood. They had been close for so long, the emotional and sexual tension was downplayed a lot. And then the reveal of how Lydia actually died, I think sums up this book overall. Drawn out, not very exciting, just a bit of a let down.

Overall, disappointing and predictable. You’re left with a hollow ending, like, “Welp, bad things happen, life goes on and then you die.”

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bookedbymadeline's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional mysterious sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

The book was difficult to get into at first, with the slow pacing and long chapters. But I really began to enjoy this book after the first 75 pages! I loved getting to know each character, even if they frustrated me or confused me at times.

The book takes an interesting look at each family member’s secrets, grief, and insecurities. It’s definitely a character driven novel but one that kept me hooked and invested in how it would end!

Ng has a beautiful way of writing and telling stories. After reading this and previously, Little Fires Everywhere, I want to read everything she writes in the future!

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agirlnamedellie's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

I found this to be more of a slow paced read for me but nethertheless I enjoyed the read anyway. This is the first novel I have read of Ng's and I can see why it is a best seller. The story covers the secrets of one family slowly becoming uncovered when the family's eldest daughter suddenly passes away. Lots of different topics covered in this novel that although the story was set in the 1970's unfortunately still resonate today - racism, social pressures and norms, children feeling pressure to succeed etc. I thought it was really beautifully done and gave a real snapshot of what a family could have been like at this period in time as their secrets begin to unravel.

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bryelle's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Plot
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

A girl goes missing and her body is found in a lake. Her family goes through grief trying to figure out what happened and coping with the lose of their loved one.

This books has many themes of internal struggle. All the characters are going through their own journeys of what their lives are.

Lydia, the girl who goes missing, wants to live up to her parents expectations. She pushes her self and only feels like she has her brother to support her.
Nath, going away to Harvard soon, feels like he is in Lydia’s shadow. His father hit him when he is young and he can never look at him the same.
Hannah, the baby that brought her mother back after she ran away to accomplish her dreams. No one pays attention to her, but she loves them all the same.
Marilyn, wanted to be a doctor, but fell in love and got pregnant. She pushed her goals on her daughter Lydia.
James, Asian man in a mostly white community. Always knows everyone is looking at him and his children.

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amandas_bookshelf's review against another edition

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emotional mysterious reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

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megmccreery's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional mysterious sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

This story opens with Lydia Lee, a 16 year old, in a small Ohio town, being found dead in a lake. The story explores everything that got Lydia and her family to this point, and how their whole family unit implodes with Lydia's death. There's generational trauma with the Lee parents projecting their wants, dreams, and desires that were never realized onto their favorite child, Lydia. There's two other kids in the Lee family, Nath and Hannah, and they have always been backburner children to Lydia. They have to find where they fit in in the family now that the star is gone.

I loved the discussion of not fitting in and being "different." James Lee was born from Chinese immigrants and has been the butt of racist jokes in all the Midwest towns he has lived in throughout his life. He dreams to fit in and have his kids fit in. Marilyn Lee is a woman who has always wanted to be different. She never wanted to have the husband, family, and white-picket home that her mother force-fed her her whole life. She wanted to become a rare female doctor in the 1960s.

The big question is: What happens when you just can't do it anymore? "It" meaning anything, a culmination of things, something you can't describe but only feel. The feeling of something suffocating you, holding you back, or maybe even the absence of feeling or feelings.

It did take me a minute to get into this book because Celeste Ng's writing is more complex and deeper than I'm used to reading, but it was such a heartbreaking, thought-provoking story. My heart hurt so much for all of the characters; I didn't think anyone's feelings or actions in reaction to their feelings were invalid. In conclusion, ouch my heart. Read this book.

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