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378 reviews for:
The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World
Alan Downs
3.77 AVERAGE
378 reviews for:
The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World
Alan Downs
3.77 AVERAGE
informative
medium-paced
goodreads reviews aren't lying - his clients seem to have exclusively been rich white gays. he did in fact write this book assuming that every queer person had the same issues - and only the same issues - as them. baffling. anyways if you don't want microagressions skip to the last chapter. I actually found that 100% helpful
‘We must go about the business of making ourselves lovable in order to survive’
And this is truly the root of most ills in the gay community
And this is truly the root of most ills in the gay community
reflective
I’ll definitely be rereading this in a few years since, even though I was able to reflect on some of my tendencies of rage the middle chunk was basically useless since I’m not an adult. I’m glad I read it since it gave me a new perspective on coming out not just being an announcement of your preferences but instead a door to live your authentic self. I also found the last section of the book useful but again I’ll get limited usage out of it since I’m not in a relationship. The one thing that I will say is that if definitely didn’t give me that much hope for relationships since it just kept saying that the shame gay men grow up with is very hard to let go and kept giving examples of unsuccessful relationships.
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
slow-paced
reflective
slow-paced
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
“Authenticity is the antidote to shame.”
The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World - Alan Downs
This is a searing, illuminating, and ultimately healing read. It is not only a book—I now realize—it is a mirror, a language, and a map. I will be rereading it and referencing it for years to come. This is not something I’ll be letting go of. I’ll be holding onto it.
The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World - Alan Downs
This is a searing, illuminating, and ultimately healing read. It is not only a book—I now realize—it is a mirror, a language, and a map. I will be rereading it and referencing it for years to come. This is not something I’ll be letting go of. I’ll be holding onto it.
Downs writes with the clarity and urgency of someone who has lived what he describes. With deep compassion and psychological insight, he traces the stages of emotional development many gay men go through—from the initial trauma of shame, through the performance-driven pursuit of validation, and finally toward an empowered and authentic life. The structure is clean and approachable, but the ideas are penetrating and profound.
What struck me most is how deftly Downs names the subtle emotional wounds so many of us carry—not with blame, but with care. The result is not a scolding, but an invitation. The book isn’t just about pain; it’s about the possibility of freedom, the radical peace of living without the masks, the noise, and the fear.
Reading The Velvet Rage felt like being understood, perhaps more completely than I’d allowed myself to hope. It’s rare to find a book that offers both a psychological framework and a spiritual one, but Downs somehow does both—he maps the interior life and points a way out of the maze.
This is a resource, a confidant, and a companion. I can already tell it will return to me at different points in my life, offering new meaning each time.
God. Really wanted this to be nice fun sociology but it's psychology and sort of past one st thst. Downs claims that virtually every issue within the gay community is due to lack of acceptence as a kid, and while he is a gay man of another era, i found it domewhat annoying.
There is something to be said about the emotional immaturity experienced by lots of gay men. There are psrts of this book that are goodm vut the last chapter is judt self help nonsense and the rest of the book should have been edited harder.
There is something to be said about the emotional immaturity experienced by lots of gay men. There are psrts of this book that are goodm vut the last chapter is judt self help nonsense and the rest of the book should have been edited harder.
Thought-provoking enough to be on every gay man's to-read list. It covers some serious issues with sufficient anecdotes and accessible style for it not to be too heavy-going. Turns into a more conventional self-help book towards the end, revealing the more general applicability of a lot of what the author tells us about gay men.
I listened to the audiobook, which I don't recommend. Much of the book is already depressing, and the speaker's low monotone (Bueller? Bueller?) only makes it worse.