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sg33's review
5.0
This is just a brilliant book. It's a guide to rational and good behaviour in relationships. While it does note that most of these remarks are generaliseable to all relationships, it does focus on romantic relationships. It is similar in essence to Mark Manson's "Models" but less about dating. It is wider in scope than most books on relationships as it just states policies and doesn't address individual issues. In short, from the get go it's a guide to how to apply to a relationship what Sam Harris noted in "The End of Faith": "Reason is nothing less than the guardian of love.". It's short; I read it in two sittings. Overall, it felt like the book I've long been waiting for.
elisadoucette's review
5.0
A refreshing rational take on how to manifest your own happily-ever-afters
I've been a fan of Colin's writing and thinking for some time and this is a great example why. Some Thoughts About Relationships does not attempt to be some prolific manifesto of interpersonal interactions. Instead, it is broken into short, easy-to-digest policies that Wright has sussed out to provide guidance in his own life and relationships. The policies, while being exact in their explanation, all strive towards similar goals. Be yourself, be happy with who you are, seek someone who will make you even happier, have open and honest communication with them, be direct, don't assume, and don't try to make people or relationships something they aren't (aka don't hold them up to unrealistic expectations). Would it be wrong to make it a policy in my life that anyone I date also read this book?!
I've been a fan of Colin's writing and thinking for some time and this is a great example why. Some Thoughts About Relationships does not attempt to be some prolific manifesto of interpersonal interactions. Instead, it is broken into short, easy-to-digest policies that Wright has sussed out to provide guidance in his own life and relationships. The policies, while being exact in their explanation, all strive towards similar goals. Be yourself, be happy with who you are, seek someone who will make you even happier, have open and honest communication with them, be direct, don't assume, and don't try to make people or relationships something they aren't (aka don't hold them up to unrealistic expectations). Would it be wrong to make it a policy in my life that anyone I date also read this book?!
kandisteiner's review
5.0
In my opinion, everyone should read this book. So many of us enter relationships mindlessly, without intention and thought before we connect with another human being. The concepts in this short book are so simple, yet so often ignored. My favorite concept was the "Campsite Policy," in which you basically go into a new relationship the same way you go to a campsite. You have the mindset that you will leave that campsite in the same or even better condition than when you arrived. That means you don't tear it up, you don't litter everywhere, and you don't leave a huge mess for the next camper. So simple, right? But when was the last time you went into a relationship that mindfully, with the goal to leave that person in better shape than when you found them -- whether you stayed with them or not? This book is full of little nuggets like that, and I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Plus, I absolutely love Colin Wright and follow his newsletter, blog, and podcasts. He's a great guy to follow if you love travel, minimalism, and talking about something other than the weather at parties. ;)
sillyduckie's review
5.0
Layman’s Guide To Love
If you’ve read enough books about relationships, heard an episode or two of The Savage Lovecast, watched Dr Phil/Jerry Springer/Oprah/Riki Lake on sick days, heard Rupaul say: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell can you love somebody else?” once, think you have more common sense than the average human, asked your mother/grandmother/fun aunt Toni-with-an-i for relationship advice last Christmas; you probably will go through the entirety of this book rolling your eyes and saying: “Duh! Obviously! Well, of course! This isn’t new! I’ve heard it all before!! Where’s the secret?”
Well, we’ve all heard it all before. Yet here we all are either reading this book or thinking about reading this book.
Ultimately, I think it’s worth the read. It breaks down the bases of relationships into chunks or “policies” as Wright calls them. These policies are in no way mandatory and should probably be used as exercises that will help you figure out what you want and need from a relationship. If you were to read the book whilst performing mild self-analysis, you could greatly benefit from it. It’d help you figure out “what went wrong” in a previous relationship or what you’d require in a future one. You might even realise that you don’t know what you want or need and this need to take time to figure out things for yourself.
One example that I’ll give from the book is the “Build Up Policy” which is a later chapter, it discuses and describes how little jibes and jokes at your partner’s expense can build up over time even when you think it’s blatantly obvious that you are joking and that they know you’re joking.
If you’ve read enough books about relationships, heard an episode or two of The Savage Lovecast, watched Dr Phil/Jerry Springer/Oprah/Riki Lake on sick days, heard Rupaul say: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell can you love somebody else?” once, think you have more common sense than the average human, asked your mother/grandmother/fun aunt Toni-with-an-i for relationship advice last Christmas; you probably will go through the entirety of this book rolling your eyes and saying: “Duh! Obviously! Well, of course! This isn’t new! I’ve heard it all before!! Where’s the secret?”
Well, we’ve all heard it all before. Yet here we all are either reading this book or thinking about reading this book.
Ultimately, I think it’s worth the read. It breaks down the bases of relationships into chunks or “policies” as Wright calls them. These policies are in no way mandatory and should probably be used as exercises that will help you figure out what you want and need from a relationship. If you were to read the book whilst performing mild self-analysis, you could greatly benefit from it. It’d help you figure out “what went wrong” in a previous relationship or what you’d require in a future one. You might even realise that you don’t know what you want or need and this need to take time to figure out things for yourself.
One example that I’ll give from the book is the “Build Up Policy” which is a later chapter, it discuses and describes how little jibes and jokes at your partner’s expense can build up over time even when you think it’s blatantly obvious that you are joking and that they know you’re joking.
gerhard's review
5.0
I am normally leery of self-help books, which not only often tend to state the obvious, but do so in an overtly glib manner that I find condescending and irritating in equal measure. Colin Wright is an interesting person, and ‘Some Thoughts About Relationships’ such a dry-and-sly title in the vein of David Foster Wallace, that I decided to give this a bash. Not even a hundred pages; I’m sure my ego could survive it.
To my surprise, this turned out to be one of the most thoughtful and insightful books I have read this year. The writing style is minimalist, and the pared-back prose has to be parsed quite carefully for its rich content. This content is, yes, obvious and common-sense, like having respect, open communication, and learning to love yourself, etc. However, there is a Zen-like, matter-of-fact quality that I really liked, and which I think gives this small book extraordinary heft and depth.
From sex to intimacy, jealousy, friends, and dealing with issues like changing needs and priorities as a relationship matures, Wright’s advice is sane and measured. Everything begins with the individual, and hence perhaps the best section of this book for me was Wright’s advice about ‘baggage’:
This policy helps alleviate the issue of judging all future relationships by the standards and risks and payoffs of the past. This is often called ‘baggage’, and the baggage in this case is us hauling around all these preconceived notions about who we are, how our interactions with other people need to be or will be, and what that other person’s motivations are. … Don’t force something that isn’t there; embrace what is … Your most intimate relationship is, and should always be, with yourself.
To my surprise, this turned out to be one of the most thoughtful and insightful books I have read this year. The writing style is minimalist, and the pared-back prose has to be parsed quite carefully for its rich content. This content is, yes, obvious and common-sense, like having respect, open communication, and learning to love yourself, etc. However, there is a Zen-like, matter-of-fact quality that I really liked, and which I think gives this small book extraordinary heft and depth.
From sex to intimacy, jealousy, friends, and dealing with issues like changing needs and priorities as a relationship matures, Wright’s advice is sane and measured. Everything begins with the individual, and hence perhaps the best section of this book for me was Wright’s advice about ‘baggage’:
This policy helps alleviate the issue of judging all future relationships by the standards and risks and payoffs of the past. This is often called ‘baggage’, and the baggage in this case is us hauling around all these preconceived notions about who we are, how our interactions with other people need to be or will be, and what that other person’s motivations are. … Don’t force something that isn’t there; embrace what is … Your most intimate relationship is, and should always be, with yourself.
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