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bookedinsideout's review against another edition
1.0
If nothing else, there are extremely harmful attitudes in this book about what is probably post-partum depression/depression in general. Take care of yourself and consider looking more into some of the content warnings if that might be a trigger for you.
If this whole book isn’t a great case against marriage, I don’t know what it is. First off, the Bridgerton brothers. I was never completely charmed by them, but at least you might dream that after their weddings they might be a little less rake-ish and at the very least respectful of their wives. (And all women, but apparently not.) But they came bounding in, three of them married, giddy over the breasts of a woman at the local tavern. One of them, in front of Eloise, asks her near-fiancé whether he’s ever tupped her. No, he says, because they were both married. Wow! That’s the measure of a great man, that he could avoid temptation and not tumble with a married lady with breasts that big! Lovesick Benedict? He can’t keep his mouth closed when she walks by! Was Anthony ever tempted? “Of course not! Kate would slit my throat.” I swoon! (But really, he wasn’t tempted, but don’t tell anyone — he doesn’t want to ruin his rakish reputation.) Later he gives some insight into his marriage, in which he’s always right, sometimes Kate has a different opinion, and he lets her think he’s considering her point because it’s easier that way.
Before the Bridgertons arrived, I was feeling optimistic for Eloise. Despite Sir Phillip’s amusingly direct invitation to visit him and “after a suitable period of time, we might decide that we will suit, and you will consent to be my wife,” they had been writing for a year… surely this is a man who knows how to communicate, who is interested in knowing this woman’s mind and isn’t going to rush into another of these hasty marriages. But then she gets there and finds out he has children he never told her about!
Okay, but he seems kind of shy and has been through some trauma, so maybe they’ll get to know each other and Eloise won’t settle, that’s for sure. But this guy isn’t open to communicating at all, and he doesn’t get better throughout the book… in the last chapter maybe there’s a glimmer of hope, but the bar is low. Essentially he sees no need for conversation — he’s looking for someone to manage his children, have regular sex with him after an 8-year drought (try being a woman in that age, sir!), and, mostly, “take over all the annoying little tasks in his life, to free him up for the things that really mattered.” He’s really selling this marriage thing!
When Eloise wants to talk to him, he tries to avoid conversation by kissing her. His answer to whether they would suit — I believe what she was concerned about was whether he saw love in their future and wasn’t just marrying her because her brothers said he had to and he needed a mother for his children — he pulled her aside to give her an orgasm and that was the end of that. “Well, if you must know, yes, I did intend to kiss you. You were yapping on about the marriage and asking me all sorts of ridiculous questions.” Cute.
“You’re always trying to talk with me,” he pointed out. “That’s all you ever do. Talk talk talk.” Charming. And when he can’t kiss her quiet, he decides to dismiss her concerns about their relationship and his lack of communication by saying it could be a lot worse, so she should be thrilled with what she has. “You said we have a problem,’ he repeated, his voice so low and forceful she didn’t think he’d hear another interruption even if she tried. “But until you live through what I lived through,” he continued, “until you’ve been trapped in a hopeless marriage, to a hopeless spouse, until you’ve gone to bed alone for years wishing for nothing more than the touch of another human being…” He turned around, stepped toward her, his eyes alight with a fire that humbled her. “Until you’ve lived through all that,” he said, “don’t you ever complain about what we have. Because to me…to me…” He choked on the words, but he barely paused before he continued. “This—us—is heaven. And I can’t bear to hear you say otherwise.” Her “problem” is that she wants to spend time with him other than when they have sex. The nerve.
But further, while the misogyny has been both blatant and simmering throughout these books (I’m just so intrigued for the stories of the siblings mostly because of the show!), I don’t think I’ve been so angry since the first book when Daphne sexually assaulted her husband and it wasn’t countered by the book. Why? The mental illness representation in this book was abysmal. Absolutely Phillip deserves a right to his feelings, and I can’t imagine how difficult it is to love someone, a partner, through their depression and to witness their attempt to take their own life. But the book went so far past that line to the point that perpetuated some extremely harmful ideas. I suffer from depression and I’m feeling pretty emotional stable right now, but I can’t imagine picking up this book to read in a dark time, thinking it would be a fairly light romance novel and then to read things like this (content warning for ableism and minimizing mental illness):
If this whole book isn’t a great case against marriage, I don’t know what it is. First off, the Bridgerton brothers. I was never completely charmed by them, but at least you might dream that after their weddings they might be a little less rake-ish and at the very least respectful of their wives. (And all women, but apparently not.) But they came bounding in, three of them married, giddy over the breasts of a woman at the local tavern. One of them, in front of Eloise, asks her near-fiancé whether he’s ever tupped her. No, he says, because they were both married. Wow! That’s the measure of a great man, that he could avoid temptation and not tumble with a married lady with breasts that big! Lovesick Benedict? He can’t keep his mouth closed when she walks by! Was Anthony ever tempted? “Of course not! Kate would slit my throat.” I swoon! (But really, he wasn’t tempted, but don’t tell anyone — he doesn’t want to ruin his rakish reputation.) Later he gives some insight into his marriage, in which he’s always right, sometimes Kate has a different opinion, and he lets her think he’s considering her point because it’s easier that way.
Before the Bridgertons arrived, I was feeling optimistic for Eloise. Despite Sir Phillip’s amusingly direct invitation to visit him and “after a suitable period of time, we might decide that we will suit, and you will consent to be my wife,” they had been writing for a year… surely this is a man who knows how to communicate, who is interested in knowing this woman’s mind and isn’t going to rush into another of these hasty marriages. But then she gets there and finds out he has children he never told her about!
Okay, but he seems kind of shy and has been through some trauma, so maybe they’ll get to know each other and Eloise won’t settle, that’s for sure. But this guy isn’t open to communicating at all, and he doesn’t get better throughout the book… in the last chapter maybe there’s a glimmer of hope, but the bar is low. Essentially he sees no need for conversation — he’s looking for someone to manage his children, have regular sex with him after an 8-year drought (try being a woman in that age, sir!), and, mostly, “take over all the annoying little tasks in his life, to free him up for the things that really mattered.” He’s really selling this marriage thing!
When Eloise wants to talk to him, he tries to avoid conversation by kissing her. His answer to whether they would suit — I believe what she was concerned about was whether he saw love in their future and wasn’t just marrying her because her brothers said he had to and he needed a mother for his children — he pulled her aside to give her an orgasm and that was the end of that. “Well, if you must know, yes, I did intend to kiss you. You were yapping on about the marriage and asking me all sorts of ridiculous questions.” Cute.
“You’re always trying to talk with me,” he pointed out. “That’s all you ever do. Talk talk talk.” Charming. And when he can’t kiss her quiet, he decides to dismiss her concerns about their relationship and his lack of communication by saying it could be a lot worse, so she should be thrilled with what she has. “You said we have a problem,’ he repeated, his voice so low and forceful she didn’t think he’d hear another interruption even if she tried. “But until you live through what I lived through,” he continued, “until you’ve been trapped in a hopeless marriage, to a hopeless spouse, until you’ve gone to bed alone for years wishing for nothing more than the touch of another human being…” He turned around, stepped toward her, his eyes alight with a fire that humbled her. “Until you’ve lived through all that,” he said, “don’t you ever complain about what we have. Because to me…to me…” He choked on the words, but he barely paused before he continued. “This—us—is heaven. And I can’t bear to hear you say otherwise.” Her “problem” is that she wants to spend time with him other than when they have sex. The nerve.
But further, while the misogyny has been both blatant and simmering throughout these books (I’m just so intrigued for the stories of the siblings mostly because of the show!), I don’t think I’ve been so angry since the first book when Daphne sexually assaulted her husband and it wasn’t countered by the book. Why? The mental illness representation in this book was abysmal. Absolutely Phillip deserves a right to his feelings, and I can’t imagine how difficult it is to love someone, a partner, through their depression and to witness their attempt to take their own life. But the book went so far past that line to the point that perpetuated some extremely harmful ideas. I suffer from depression and I’m feeling pretty emotional stable right now, but I can’t imagine picking up this book to read in a dark time, thinking it would be a fairly light romance novel and then to read things like this (content warning for ableism and minimizing mental illness):
- “His burdens had always been his alone, even when Marina had been alive. Marina herself had been a burden, and he was still wrestling with the guilt he felt at his relief she was gone.” People are not a burden.
- Calling her hopeless. A dreadful parent.
She is a person. Suffering from a disease. - Repeatedly comparing Eloise’s sunniness to Marina’s melancholy and how Eloise is strong. “Eloise was different. She wasn’t going to cry at the drop of a hat or shut herself in her room, picking at her food and crying into her pillow. Eloise had spirit. Backbone. Eloise was happy.”
- “She couldn’t even kill herself properly” (She was saved from drowning but died later from influenza)
- “She didn’t fight it at all, didn’t use even an ounce of energy to fight the illness.”
- Fine, he didn’t love his wife, the mother of his children, but he says he didn’t even like her?
- Covering over Marina’s life and death, not even a conversation with the children about now calling Eloise “mother”
She was suffering from postpartum depression, you douchecanoe, and probably pre-existing depression. You’re allowed to feel lonely and helpless and whatever you want, but don’t you dare judge a person for their illness or their feelings.
The 2nd Epilogue, written 6 years later in 2009(!) takes the same approach, with this thought from Marina’s daughter:
The 2nd Epilogue, written 6 years later in 2009(!) takes the same approach, with this thought from Marina’s daughter:
“I can’t help but think that if she was going to kill herself, she might as well have done it earlier. Perhaps when I was a toddler. Or better yet, an infant. It certainly would have made my life easier.”
Depression is a sickness, not a weakness. It surely affects the families of those who have it, but it also affects the person who lives with it inside them. And while depression may be a part of them, they are more than their depression.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Death of parent, Mental illness, and Suicide attempt
Moderate: Toxic relationship and Gaslighting
Poor mental illness representationjosefineojda's review against another edition
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? N/A
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
0.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Rape, Suicide, Toxic relationship, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Child abuse, Death of parent, and Domestic abuse
Minor: Emotional abuse
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