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3.85 AVERAGE
3.85 AVERAGE
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I listened to the audiobook.
The only reason I finished this book is because I was listening to it, so it cost me very little effort. I wanted to quit halfway through, not due to bad writing, but because I just didn’t care.
I thought this we going to be about friendships. But this was about THEIR friendship. In the title, the “we” refers to the authors, not a general “we,” as in people.
Probably better for fans of their podcast, but I wasn’t interested.
The only reason I finished this book is because I was listening to it, so it cost me very little effort. I wanted to quit halfway through, not due to bad writing, but because I just didn’t care.
I thought this we going to be about friendships. But this was about THEIR friendship. In the title, the “we” refers to the authors, not a general “we,” as in people.
Probably better for fans of their podcast, but I wasn’t interested.
Big Friendship is written for people who have already heard of Aminatou and Ann through their podcast Call Your Girlfriend. It's for readers who already love these two people and their friendship and who want to hear more about them.
Unfortunately, I am not in this demographic, so the book wasn't my cup of tea. But also, I'm not totally sure how much true fans will get out of it, either.
Big Friendship as it turns out is a joint memoir with stories very loosely organized by chapter themes like "the internet" and "compromise" (I really got the impression that these two actually wanted to write a bunch of different books chronicling their opinions on the internet or women in business, etc but instead forced themselves to shove ideas under these chapter titles). We get a lot of biographical information on Ann and Aminatou's personal/professional lives, but, because they clearly wanted to respect everyone else's privacy, we don't get details. A lot of the stories felt bland and impersonal - "I was in a bad relationship," is much less fun to read than "I was dating this guy named Kevin who consistently prioritized his dog and his workout schedule over me." I appreciate the desire to let all your friends and enemies maintain their anonymity, but couldn't they have simply changed some names and details and thus kept the color in?
They incessantly remind you that all this backstory is leading up to their big friendship blowout. They promise juicy details and drama, then when you actually get to the falling out (in the second to last chapter), there just isn't one. Literally. They just. Grew apart. And then they went to platonic couple's therapy and everything was okay again (except maybe it wasn't, because they get particularly vague about what has happened in their friendship since then, leading me to suspect that they are, in fact, maybe not as close of friends anymore). Y'all...
The most compelling parts ended up being the research-backed advice bits. These nibblets were sparse and sprinkled completely at random - some chapters had barely none, then the last chapter was almost 100% interesting data and suggestions. Maybe just read that last bit?
Unfortunately, I am not in this demographic, so the book wasn't my cup of tea. But also, I'm not totally sure how much true fans will get out of it, either.
Big Friendship as it turns out is a joint memoir with stories very loosely organized by chapter themes like "the internet" and "compromise" (I really got the impression that these two actually wanted to write a bunch of different books chronicling their opinions on the internet or women in business, etc but instead forced themselves to shove ideas under these chapter titles). We get a lot of biographical information on Ann and Aminatou's personal/professional lives, but, because they clearly wanted to respect everyone else's privacy, we don't get details. A lot of the stories felt bland and impersonal - "I was in a bad relationship," is much less fun to read than "I was dating this guy named Kevin who consistently prioritized his dog and his workout schedule over me." I appreciate the desire to let all your friends and enemies maintain their anonymity, but couldn't they have simply changed some names and details and thus kept the color in?
They incessantly remind you that all this backstory is leading up to their big friendship blowout. They promise juicy details and drama, then when you actually get to the falling out (in the second to last chapter), there just isn't one. Literally. They just. Grew apart. And then they went to platonic couple's therapy and everything was okay again (except maybe it wasn't, because they get particularly vague about what has happened in their friendship since then, leading me to suspect that they are, in fact, maybe not as close of friends anymore). Y'all...
The most compelling parts ended up being the research-backed advice bits. These nibblets were sparse and sprinkled completely at random - some chapters had barely none, then the last chapter was almost 100% interesting data and suggestions. Maybe just read that last bit?
I liked the details of:
- how they became friends
- how they kept in touch over a long distance
- how friction emerged, including racial issues
- how they tried and failed to mend their friendship
- how a therapist helped them break cycles
One thing I didn't like is that Shine Theory seems focused on lifting the people you know, but without challenging the overall unfair framework. For example, Animatou faced visa challenges and difficulty getting a job as an immigrant. There was almost no discussion about this topic, and instead it was framed as an individual problem. Animatou used connections to get a job that provided a work visa.
This plays into the stereotypical narrative of the immigrant who should be grateful they're allowed into the country at all, and even an underpaid job is a reason for gratitude.
It would be interesting to hear more discussion of the structural ways that power is kept within the "in crowd". Instead of just providing ways to slightly expand the "in crowd" via Shine Theory, it would be good to hear about how to make job searches truly meritocratic, such as by posting the job instead of always hiring a "friend of a friend".
I appreciated the candor. They described text exchanges, salary, health info, and other details that really helped provide an authentic view into their lives and friendship.
- how they became friends
- how they kept in touch over a long distance
- how friction emerged, including racial issues
- how they tried and failed to mend their friendship
- how a therapist helped them break cycles
One thing I didn't like is that Shine Theory seems focused on lifting the people you know, but without challenging the overall unfair framework. For example, Animatou faced visa challenges and difficulty getting a job as an immigrant. There was almost no discussion about this topic, and instead it was framed as an individual problem. Animatou used connections to get a job that provided a work visa.
This plays into the stereotypical narrative of the immigrant who should be grateful they're allowed into the country at all, and even an underpaid job is a reason for gratitude.
It would be interesting to hear more discussion of the structural ways that power is kept within the "in crowd". Instead of just providing ways to slightly expand the "in crowd" via Shine Theory, it would be good to hear about how to make job searches truly meritocratic, such as by posting the job instead of always hiring a "friend of a friend".
I appreciated the candor. They described text exchanges, salary, health info, and other details that really helped provide an authentic view into their lives and friendship.
I'm a fan of the authors' podcast and enjoyed this deeper dive into their personal friendship as well the importance of non-romantic relationships.
This was really a wonderful book. I’m a longtime CYGF listener and big fan of both Authors. I’m definitely a part of a few Big Friendships, at varying stages of closeness at the moment so I think the only thing that kept me from going full five stars is that I was craving more substantiative guidance on moving through tough times. I really appreciated, though didn’t expect, the component of racial education that was included. Personally, it dovetailed interestingly with my personal life as well as the other anti-racism materials I’m reading at the moment.
challenging
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
really really wonderful mutual memoir w/ advice about long term female friendship, especially interracial friendship. would recommend to lots n lots of loved ones!! i love female friendship so much…so grateful to experience all of its depths and nuances and joys
I have no idea who these people are and I don't really care about their stories. The voices were too flat for me so the audiobook didn't keep me interested enough.