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3.85 AVERAGE
3.85 AVERAGE
This was more of a memoir than I was expecting - which works to both its benefit and detriment. I enjoyed the pieces of the story that I could relate to, and then wished for more data when it didn't feel as relevant to my experience.
So I picked up this book at the library because I had seen people talking about it online and it had gotten quite a bit of praise but I was not impressed! The story telling of their friendship was fine but it all felt pretty surface level, which is their prerogative to not get too deep into the details of their lives (which is not to say they didn’t share some of their stuff), but if we are telling a narrative story about the ups and down of a specific friendship allow me to care a bit more! I don’t know I love all my friendships and find them to be a very important part of my life so I appreciate the sentiment of writing a book about it, but I just wanted more!! I also felt their insights were just okay and I didn’t feel like I really learned anything from them, the scholars and professionals they cited I was more intrigued by and would be interested in reading more of their work. Not the worst thing I’ve read I just didn’t love it! Was a quick read but that might be because I was trying to finish it fast so I could move on to my next read hahaha
adventurous
challenging
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
sad
medium-paced
I think admittedly where this book lacked in some hard or concrete advice, it did make up for it in the general feeling of motivation and energy towards just showing up for your friends. The last chapter really summed the book up well. I enjoyed this, I think it motivated me but I was wishing for a bit more throughout!
I had higher hopes for this. I found the 'voice' of the narrator pretty annoying and childish, and many of the discussions I would have liked to hear more about were simplified, like about race, and they just spent a lot of time promoting their 'brand' of simply being supportive human beings towards their friends and acquaintances, called 'shine theory'. Maybe podcast listeners would have found it more compelling but as someone who was interested in the topic of long-term, long-distance friendships, I was disappointed.
I enjoyed reading this book. I didn't always have a way to relate to the writers; they both exude career-women, and so much of their friendship is also working together. I did find it refreshing to read a book about how to be a better friend and thought it was timely during a time of lack of physical connection, moving across the country, and feeling a general dearth of social connection in my life compared to pre-pandemic nyc
Grateful to have a book uplifting and focusing on the importance of friendship. I love my friends!
Audiobook. Meh. I wanted more meat about the topic of friendship. More science and research. This was more of a memoir of the authors’ friendship. Anyone could have written this. Disappointed.
As a long-time admirer of Aminatou and Ann, I tore through this book in a single afternoon. It’s an honest look at how deep friendships evolve and devolve written with a lot of heart. The empathy and vulnerability that Aminatou and Ann share in this book is truly remarkable. The research they’ve conducted and the work that they’ve done to make their friendship last makes for a great, thought provoking and ultimately hopeful read.
I have a complicated relationship with this book.
Let’s start with the good, because opening with criticism of a book when I’ve never written a book feels… assholeish. The idea of Big Friendship is sticky, in a good way. I found myself reflecting on my own big friendships, and I’ll admit I was influenced when debating whether or not to make a long journey for a friend this past weekend, even though I was tired. I ended up being very glad I went, as was she. I have been thinking a lot about the relationships I want to prioritize, and this book understated that quite nicely. Basically, I was just happy to have a book that focused on the merits of platonic, deep friendships rather than family or romantic relationships. Tackling this subject is brave and fresh, and I’m happy the authors went for it. I also am glad the authors included their own strife to prove no friendship is perfect: “You don’t have to start a podcast with your friend in order to experience a disconnect between how much easier friendship looks on the outside and how complicated it actually is. All you need is a social media account.” Well said.
The composition and writing style of the book is where things get sticky in a bad way for me. The form was awkward. Switching between the third person perspective (“Ann said” and “Aminatou said”) and the collective “we said” felt a tad cringey, because it was so clearly written by them. There were passages that just felt forced and cliche, like when they shared a slightly melancholy statistic, and wrote: “Are you crying? We’re crying.” Beyond mere annoyances, comments like “We can’t imagine anything more sad” about someone prioritizing their career above relationships felt dismissive.
I also couldn’t really relate to them, which is weird because I’m in marketing and love Gossip Girl, which is right in their wheelhouse. Maybe it was the Desert Ladies trip, where they invited “17 of their closest friends” for an annual trip to the desert and catered lunches in and got high wandering around topless. Maybe it was the fact that they saw an apparently very expensive therapist for their friendship, which even as a huge advocate of therapy I find a bit.. much. But in the end, I think they’re just not my crew. I tend to favor grittier voices, people with edge. These women seem lovely, but they seem like the type who organize massive desert gatherings and post on Instagram about them for a week. Squad Goals girls, despite their seeming aversion to Squad Goals and the exclusionary vibe those cliques give off.
Overall, fine book. Didn’t care for the memoir portions of their lives, for me it would have been a more compelling read if their personal lives had taken up a third of the space, and the rest left for research, interviews and musings on the nature of female friendships. Yet, I believe the idea of this book will stick with me. It offers extra motivation to continue prioritizing my most important relationships and forge new ones. And that made it worth the read.
Let’s start with the good, because opening with criticism of a book when I’ve never written a book feels… assholeish. The idea of Big Friendship is sticky, in a good way. I found myself reflecting on my own big friendships, and I’ll admit I was influenced when debating whether or not to make a long journey for a friend this past weekend, even though I was tired. I ended up being very glad I went, as was she. I have been thinking a lot about the relationships I want to prioritize, and this book understated that quite nicely. Basically, I was just happy to have a book that focused on the merits of platonic, deep friendships rather than family or romantic relationships. Tackling this subject is brave and fresh, and I’m happy the authors went for it. I also am glad the authors included their own strife to prove no friendship is perfect: “You don’t have to start a podcast with your friend in order to experience a disconnect between how much easier friendship looks on the outside and how complicated it actually is. All you need is a social media account.” Well said.
The composition and writing style of the book is where things get sticky in a bad way for me. The form was awkward. Switching between the third person perspective (“Ann said” and “Aminatou said”) and the collective “we said” felt a tad cringey, because it was so clearly written by them. There were passages that just felt forced and cliche, like when they shared a slightly melancholy statistic, and wrote: “Are you crying? We’re crying.” Beyond mere annoyances, comments like “We can’t imagine anything more sad” about someone prioritizing their career above relationships felt dismissive.
I also couldn’t really relate to them, which is weird because I’m in marketing and love Gossip Girl, which is right in their wheelhouse. Maybe it was the Desert Ladies trip, where they invited “17 of their closest friends” for an annual trip to the desert and catered lunches in and got high wandering around topless. Maybe it was the fact that they saw an apparently very expensive therapist for their friendship, which even as a huge advocate of therapy I find a bit.. much. But in the end, I think they’re just not my crew. I tend to favor grittier voices, people with edge. These women seem lovely, but they seem like the type who organize massive desert gatherings and post on Instagram about them for a week. Squad Goals girls, despite their seeming aversion to Squad Goals and the exclusionary vibe those cliques give off.
Overall, fine book. Didn’t care for the memoir portions of their lives, for me it would have been a more compelling read if their personal lives had taken up a third of the space, and the rest left for research, interviews and musings on the nature of female friendships. Yet, I believe the idea of this book will stick with me. It offers extra motivation to continue prioritizing my most important relationships and forge new ones. And that made it worth the read.