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199 reviews for:
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
Gabor Maté, Gordon Neufeld
3.99 AVERAGE
199 reviews for:
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
Gabor Maté, Gordon Neufeld
3.99 AVERAGE
This was a tricky book to rate. I founds some of the author’s assertions and premises about peer orientation to be problematic, lacking evidence, and romanticizing the “good old days” at times, which was really surprising as I generally align with both authors in other ways. So the whole first half of the book was rather frustrating. However, once Neufeld got past the scare tactics and talked about attachment and how to reconnect to our children, then I was all on board. There’s definitely some good stuff in there, but I’d probably recommend just skipping to chapter 14 for anyone who is interested.
informative
medium-paced
There are some good ideas in this book, but they don't happen until more than half way through. Far too much of this book is dedicated to repetitively outlining the horrors that will befall children if they become peer rather than adult oriented. Neufeld goes too far in driving home the point that parents will end up with completely screwed up children if they don't follow his advice and attach to their children properly. I was annoyed with the tone of the opening chapters and the insinuation that all behavioural, emotional, and psychological problems in children and teenagers can be attributed to peer attachment and a failure of the parents to provide proper adult attachment for their children.
If you ignore the guilt trip there is some good advice in the second part of this book, but you'll have to overlook even MORE repetition of the perils of peer attachment. It takes some careful combing through to get to the good stuff, but eventually you may find some excellent pointers about how to interact with your child in a way that will engage their trust and form strong parent-child relationships.
The most basic premise here is that children need caring, responsible adults to be their primary point of orientation, not irresponsible peers who are immature and cannot have the best interests of their playmates at heart. Parents, teachers, adult friends and relatives need to be the guiding light for children, not other children. There is some sense to this, and there are some reasonable, concrete ways to work towards a state of adult attachment, but you'll have to tolerate being slammed over the head again and again with the evidence of parental failings first.
If you ignore the guilt trip there is some good advice in the second part of this book, but you'll have to overlook even MORE repetition of the perils of peer attachment. It takes some careful combing through to get to the good stuff, but eventually you may find some excellent pointers about how to interact with your child in a way that will engage their trust and form strong parent-child relationships.
The most basic premise here is that children need caring, responsible adults to be their primary point of orientation, not irresponsible peers who are immature and cannot have the best interests of their playmates at heart. Parents, teachers, adult friends and relatives need to be the guiding light for children, not other children. There is some sense to this, and there are some reasonable, concrete ways to work towards a state of adult attachment, but you'll have to tolerate being slammed over the head again and again with the evidence of parental failings first.
So outdated. DNF. Can’t remember where I got this recommendation or I’d be hunting them down asking for a refund.
informative
slow-paced
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
This has been a fantastic read and I have been recommending it to almost everyone I talk to, regardless if they’re a parent or not haha! I loved the consistent theme throughout the book of ensuring the child knows your love for them is not conditional. It’s not based on their behaviour, their achievements and they don’t have to do anything or be anything different in order to earn our love. Really enjoyed the sections on social media, bullying, hyper-sexuality and shortening attention spans in children and the impact these things have on maturity, sense of self and individuation. As a teacher I also enjoyed reading the sections about connecting and collecting your students and building healthy attachments with them to promote learning. Great book.
informative
I went into this skeptical because I’m a peer oriented kid, but this totally changed my view point on children socializing with peers at a young age. Highly recommend for parents!
informative
slow-paced
Just wasn't helpful or particularly informative. Author was more interested in explaining why his assertion was correct than providing ant actual advice regarding how to handle issues stemming from peer attachment.
I found the information interesting, but not enough to spend 14 hours listening to him drone on about his thesis and issues he observed but offering no real ways with which to solve the problems that parents and teens were facing.
If I ever have to deal with this issue maybe I will come back to this book. Otherwise I feel like I am wasting my time with it.
I found the information interesting, but not enough to spend 14 hours listening to him drone on about his thesis and issues he observed but offering no real ways with which to solve the problems that parents and teens were facing.
If I ever have to deal with this issue maybe I will come back to this book. Otherwise I feel like I am wasting my time with it.