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meggie82461's review against another edition
5.0
5++++ stars!!!
when I try to pray, all i can hear is your voice.
This book was everything I hoped and expected it to be, and also so, so much more. It was filthy, it was hot, and it was... emotionally cleansing, I guess. It also had all these deep issues I wasn't expecting, e.g. race, sexual orientation, death, and greed. Not only did I love Priest, but Tyler Bell was one of my favorite smut heroes. I wasn't sure if anything could top him, but I was so, so very wrong. Sean Bell is all of us. Sean Bell is everything. Everything.Everything.
This story is told from Sean's POV, which is appropriate, since it ends up really being his journey, not just his love story. See, Sean is a self-proclaimed materialistic heathen, but he embraces it. He also purposely surrounds himself with like-minded people so that no one really gets hurt. He's very mad at God for some things that have happened, too. One night, he goes to a party and runs into a much-younger, beautiful woman named Mary... who is really Zenny. Turns out Sean and Zenny have known each other for awhile, which Sean doesn't quite figure out right away. Soon after, not only does he find out who she is, he also finds out that she's a postulant (read: nun-in-training). Zenny wants Sean to show her what she is giving up. For a month.
This book was so freaking emotional, and spiritual, but instead of it being Priest and Tyler and all his deep ramblings, it was Sean the sinner's rage and screaming... and I actually preferred it. Sean was so deliciously human. His relationship with God was very strained and he wasn't all that good of a person. He was also so unexpectedly sweet, especially with his mom (the Wakefield saga had me crying), his siblings, and his Zenny-bug. Personally, I identified with Sean. A lot. Most days, I'm still mad at God. Most days, I am Sean, not Tyler. I understand his pain- it's more than just bad things happening, it's that God took (or is taking) people he cared about away from him.
God, Sean was everything. Read this book to know Sean Bell.
Zenny was more of a mystery. I went back and forth with Zenny. Obviously, she's a fantastic person. She's a strong, independent black woman, the antithesis of Sean's rich, privileged, dirty-talking cisgendered self. On the one hand, Zenny's a great heroine. She's extremely intelligent, confident, curious, and also so trusting. Her changing Sean was inevitable. It was instantaneous. Within a few pages, he is no longer the same Sean Bell. Suddenly, Sean is the vulnerable one, and the thirty-six-year-old millionaire is the one the reader is worried about, because what will happen when his affair with Zenny ends? She loves God, after all, and Sean will never come first. In her defense, she was clear about this from the beginning. And maybe he deserves this, because he's been kind of a shit person, but I don't believe that. I don't believe it because instead of being angry at Zenny, he always saw himself as lucky for having her, if only for a little bit. He also knew it was inevitable that a little Zenny would change him into a much different person. He tried to look at her presence as a blessing instead of her leaving as a curse... and it worked, most of the time.
I do think Zenny was careless with Sean, though. She knew about his sister, she knew what was going on with his mom. She knew how vulnerable he was. Then again, she also knew what kind of person he was at the start, so I'm not sure I entirely blame her for picking him in this unorthodox arrangement. Then again, in the words of Sean: I can say I’m sorry I wanted you to choose me, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I can say But have you ever seen yourself? Heard yourself? How could I ever want any different when you are who you are? I guess I just wanted to give Sean a hug and make everything better for him, so that means sometimes, I resented Zenny.
As a side note, Sean Bell is hilarious. He's also filthy and loves sex. His relationship with Zenny is just on this side of wrong, and the taboo, forbidden aspect of it is unbelievably hot. So, READ THIS BOOK. RIGHT NOW! It's hot, the sex is fantastic, the characters are likable, and it's thought-provoking. What else could you ask for?
Quotes
My eyelids burn for a moment and I hate that, I hate the feeling of powerlessness and guilt and loss, and I fight it back. I couldn’t save Lizzy, but I can save Mom, and goddammit, I will.
And then I hang up before Tyler can answer, which is a dick move I know, but he was a dick first, bringing fucking God into this. A god I don’t believe in, a god I hate, a god who let one of his priests hurt my sister over and over again, and then instead of comforting her, let her cinch a noose around her nineteen-year-old neck to escape the pain. A god who’s now killing my mother in the slowest, most dehumanizing way possible. Fuck Tyler and fuck his god, I don’t need either of them and neither does Mom.
“Has Elijah told you how many women I’ve fucked? How many women I’ve made come? It’s a big number, Zenny, because I love to fuck. I love to make women come. I love to see their snug little cunts, I love to taste them and push my big cock into them until they stretch. I love having my hands full of their hair while I fuck their mouths. I love feeling a girl’s ass clench around my finger as I tongue her clit.” She swallows. “And I want all those things with you. Right now.” I unbutton my suit jacket, parting it so she can see exactly how urgently I want it. Want her.
“Oh,” she breathes, her eyes dropping to the thick outline in my trousers. “Oh.”
“Yes. Oh.”
Just a few inches more and I could press right into her belly, grind away the ache she gave me.
No.
Bad.
Elijah.
Nun thing.
My words go up at the end, lilting like a question, because I really don’t want to push her. But I also want to take care of her and I want to show her all the delicious things she’s been missing—which means it would help to know what’s in her past.
She doesn’t need some white guy playing Daddy with her, she definitely doesn’t need someone treating her like she’s not capable of caring for herself.
I wasn’t bullshitting her when I said I was worried about our age difference, because the things I want to do with her are not just dirty, but like, dirty dirty. The kinds of things you don’t admit to wanting in the harsh light of day, the kinds of things that make even a man like me blush.
this is for her this is for her this is for her.
“You are beautiful, Zenny,” I say with my lips still against her cheek. My fingers slide beneath the elastic border and her belly tenses even more. “Your face is stunning, your body is a work of art. But it’s you I can’t stop thinking about, how you ask for things and how you argue, how you tease and how you rant and how you glow when you talk about what matters to you. When I say the word beautiful, sweetheart, know I mean it.”
“You’re ridiculous,” she repeats.
“I am. And you know what you are?”
“What is that?”
“Mine, Zenny-bug. All mine.”
And maybe it makes me a materialistic dick that I noticed being poorer than my peers growing up, maybe it makes me a dick that I still care now, but making enough for Mom and Dad to never worry about money again is the best fucking feeling in the world and I refuse to give it up.
“I can’t believe you got new sheets for me,” she says.
“I’d get new anything for you, Zenny-bug. New everything.”
Of course I’m only joking that I want to spend the rest of my life with the most beautiful, fascinating, sexy woman I’ve ever met. It’s all a joke. Ha ha ha. Hilarious.
Oh my God, I’m so fucked.
I feel like I can barely breathe, because I don’t even know who Sean Bell is anymore, and all I want in the fucking world is to be close to this girl, but even having my arms around her doesn’t feel close enough. I’m acutely, painfully aware that she’ll never be mine. She’ll always be God’s.
And one night, in the dark as Zenny sleeps, I send up a thought like a balloon. I still hate you, I think up to the ceiling. You let us all down and I’ll never forgive you. Nothing happens. The ceiling remains a ceiling, my room remains quiet save for the soft snores of the little nun at my side.
“Sean,” she says. She says it possessively, like it’s her name to say, and it is, it is, I want my name to belong to her for the rest of my life.
I tell her how after only one night with Zenny, I knew I was fucked with wanting her, and how the want became love, and at the same time, I found myself being quietly rearranged into a man I barely knew. A man who didn’t care about money. A man who worked in a shelter for the first time and began to see the real, endless need in the world around him. A man who cared about injustice.
A man who was willing to look God in the face, if God would only look back.
Perhaps I’d been programmed at birth only to want this one person, and there’s this tiny thing in my mind—not a thought, not even the seed of a thought, but like the frozen root of some dormant plant that might one day years from now drop a seed that can become a full-blown thought—that I can almost remember feeling this way about God once upon a time. That years ago, there used to be a Sean Bell that loved without restraint and reluctance and fear.
She reminds me.
when I try to pray, all i can hear is your voice.
This book was everything I hoped and expected it to be, and also so, so much more. It was filthy, it was hot, and it was... emotionally cleansing, I guess. It also had all these deep issues I wasn't expecting, e.g. race, sexual orientation, death, and greed. Not only did I love Priest, but Tyler Bell was one of my favorite smut heroes. I wasn't sure if anything could top him, but I was so, so very wrong. Sean Bell is all of us. Sean Bell is everything. Everything.Everything.
This story is told from Sean's POV, which is appropriate, since it ends up really being his journey, not just his love story. See, Sean is a self-proclaimed materialistic heathen, but he embraces it. He also purposely surrounds himself with like-minded people so that no one really gets hurt. He's very mad at God for some things that have happened, too. One night, he goes to a party and runs into a much-younger, beautiful woman named Mary... who is really Zenny. Turns out Sean and Zenny have known each other for awhile, which Sean doesn't quite figure out right away. Soon after, not only does he find out who she is, he also finds out that she's a postulant (read: nun-in-training). Zenny wants Sean to show her what she is giving up. For a month.
This book was so freaking emotional, and spiritual, but instead of it being Priest and Tyler and all his deep ramblings, it was Sean the sinner's rage and screaming... and I actually preferred it. Sean was so deliciously human. His relationship with God was very strained and he wasn't all that good of a person. He was also so unexpectedly sweet, especially with his mom (the Wakefield saga had me crying), his siblings, and his Zenny-bug. Personally, I identified with Sean. A lot. Most days, I'm still mad at God. Most days, I am Sean, not Tyler. I understand his pain- it's more than just bad things happening, it's that God took (or is taking) people he cared about away from him.
God, Sean was everything. Read this book to know Sean Bell.
Zenny was more of a mystery. I went back and forth with Zenny. Obviously, she's a fantastic person. She's a strong, independent black woman, the antithesis of Sean's rich, privileged, dirty-talking cisgendered self. On the one hand, Zenny's a great heroine. She's extremely intelligent, confident, curious, and also so trusting. Her changing Sean was inevitable. It was instantaneous. Within a few pages, he is no longer the same Sean Bell. Suddenly, Sean is the vulnerable one, and the thirty-six-year-old millionaire is the one the reader is worried about, because what will happen when his affair with Zenny ends? She loves God, after all, and Sean will never come first. In her defense, she was clear about this from the beginning. And maybe he deserves this, because he's been kind of a shit person, but I don't believe that. I don't believe it because instead of being angry at Zenny, he always saw himself as lucky for having her, if only for a little bit. He also knew it was inevitable that a little Zenny would change him into a much different person. He tried to look at her presence as a blessing instead of her leaving as a curse... and it worked, most of the time.
I do think Zenny was careless with Sean, though. She knew about his sister, she knew what was going on with his mom. She knew how vulnerable he was. Then again, she also knew what kind of person he was at the start, so I'm not sure I entirely blame her for picking him in this unorthodox arrangement. Then again, in the words of Sean: I can say I’m sorry I wanted you to choose me, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I can say But have you ever seen yourself? Heard yourself? How could I ever want any different when you are who you are? I guess I just wanted to give Sean a hug and make everything better for him, so that means sometimes, I resented Zenny.
As a side note, Sean Bell is hilarious. He's also filthy and loves sex. His relationship with Zenny is just on this side of wrong, and the taboo, forbidden aspect of it is unbelievably hot. So, READ THIS BOOK. RIGHT NOW! It's hot, the sex is fantastic, the characters are likable, and it's thought-provoking. What else could you ask for?
Quotes
My eyelids burn for a moment and I hate that, I hate the feeling of powerlessness and guilt and loss, and I fight it back. I couldn’t save Lizzy, but I can save Mom, and goddammit, I will.
And then I hang up before Tyler can answer, which is a dick move I know, but he was a dick first, bringing fucking God into this. A god I don’t believe in, a god I hate, a god who let one of his priests hurt my sister over and over again, and then instead of comforting her, let her cinch a noose around her nineteen-year-old neck to escape the pain. A god who’s now killing my mother in the slowest, most dehumanizing way possible. Fuck Tyler and fuck his god, I don’t need either of them and neither does Mom.
“Has Elijah told you how many women I’ve fucked? How many women I’ve made come? It’s a big number, Zenny, because I love to fuck. I love to make women come. I love to see their snug little cunts, I love to taste them and push my big cock into them until they stretch. I love having my hands full of their hair while I fuck their mouths. I love feeling a girl’s ass clench around my finger as I tongue her clit.” She swallows. “And I want all those things with you. Right now.” I unbutton my suit jacket, parting it so she can see exactly how urgently I want it. Want her.
“Oh,” she breathes, her eyes dropping to the thick outline in my trousers. “Oh.”
“Yes. Oh.”
Just a few inches more and I could press right into her belly, grind away the ache she gave me.
No.
Bad.
Elijah.
Nun thing.
My words go up at the end, lilting like a question, because I really don’t want to push her. But I also want to take care of her and I want to show her all the delicious things she’s been missing—which means it would help to know what’s in her past.
She doesn’t need some white guy playing Daddy with her, she definitely doesn’t need someone treating her like she’s not capable of caring for herself.
I wasn’t bullshitting her when I said I was worried about our age difference, because the things I want to do with her are not just dirty, but like, dirty dirty. The kinds of things you don’t admit to wanting in the harsh light of day, the kinds of things that make even a man like me blush.
this is for her this is for her this is for her.
“You are beautiful, Zenny,” I say with my lips still against her cheek. My fingers slide beneath the elastic border and her belly tenses even more. “Your face is stunning, your body is a work of art. But it’s you I can’t stop thinking about, how you ask for things and how you argue, how you tease and how you rant and how you glow when you talk about what matters to you. When I say the word beautiful, sweetheart, know I mean it.”
“You’re ridiculous,” she repeats.
“I am. And you know what you are?”
“What is that?”
“Mine, Zenny-bug. All mine.”
And maybe it makes me a materialistic dick that I noticed being poorer than my peers growing up, maybe it makes me a dick that I still care now, but making enough for Mom and Dad to never worry about money again is the best fucking feeling in the world and I refuse to give it up.
“I can’t believe you got new sheets for me,” she says.
“I’d get new anything for you, Zenny-bug. New everything.”
Of course I’m only joking that I want to spend the rest of my life with the most beautiful, fascinating, sexy woman I’ve ever met. It’s all a joke. Ha ha ha. Hilarious.
Oh my God, I’m so fucked.
I feel like I can barely breathe, because I don’t even know who Sean Bell is anymore, and all I want in the fucking world is to be close to this girl, but even having my arms around her doesn’t feel close enough. I’m acutely, painfully aware that she’ll never be mine. She’ll always be God’s.
And one night, in the dark as Zenny sleeps, I send up a thought like a balloon. I still hate you, I think up to the ceiling. You let us all down and I’ll never forgive you. Nothing happens. The ceiling remains a ceiling, my room remains quiet save for the soft snores of the little nun at my side.
“Sean,” she says. She says it possessively, like it’s her name to say, and it is, it is, I want my name to belong to her for the rest of my life.
I tell her how after only one night with Zenny, I knew I was fucked with wanting her, and how the want became love, and at the same time, I found myself being quietly rearranged into a man I barely knew. A man who didn’t care about money. A man who worked in a shelter for the first time and began to see the real, endless need in the world around him. A man who cared about injustice.
A man who was willing to look God in the face, if God would only look back.
Perhaps I’d been programmed at birth only to want this one person, and there’s this tiny thing in my mind—not a thought, not even the seed of a thought, but like the frozen root of some dormant plant that might one day years from now drop a seed that can become a full-blown thought—that I can almost remember feeling this way about God once upon a time. That years ago, there used to be a Sean Bell that loved without restraint and reluctance and fear.
She reminds me.
cfitzpatrick's review against another edition
i have tripped into an age gap romance and it’s fucking FOUL
ana27734's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.75
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Death of parent, and Terminal illness
korinnefielder's review against another edition
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.5
ugliestt's review against another edition
1.0
Honestly kind of disappointed by this one (spoil)
I DIDNT LIKE SEAN LMAO he was kinda icky
I also got fucking whiplash in the last like 5% or whatever when she's like "uh ya I'm still gonna be a nun dude" and then just changes her mind 10 seconds later????? N to do that right after his MOM DIED DUDEEEE
Crazy shit I actually liked Priest but now I'm thinking maybe.... It was just BC it was like the first smutty book I read
I DIDNT LIKE SEAN LMAO he was kinda icky
I also got fucking whiplash in the last like 5% or whatever when she's like "uh ya I'm still gonna be a nun dude" and then just changes her mind 10 seconds later????? N to do that right after his MOM DIED DUDEEEE
Crazy shit I actually liked Priest but now I'm thinking maybe.... It was just BC it was like the first smutty book I read
zdaisybee's review
adventurous
emotional
sad
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
lindsayaunderwood's review against another edition
4.0
There’s only one reason to read these but it’s a good reason.
kaylabayla1022's review
emotional
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.5
etianamichele's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
lighthearted
reflective
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0