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Interesting and important information and I’m glad I read (well skimmed) it-however the book started to feel repetitive about halfway through. Also the fake anecdotes of her sessions with woman who had unbelievable revelations after getting her advice were a bit off putting. Would have been more powerful with real narratives and examples.
hopeful
informative
slow-paced
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
A book I think every woman should read. Points that will stick with me:
- All her garden metaphors worked for me. An example: "An apple tree can be healthy no matter what variety of apple it is - though one variety may need constant direct sunlight and another might enjoy some shade. And an apple tree can be healthy when it's a seed, when it's a seedling, as it's growing, and as it fades at the end of the season, as well as when, in late summer, it is laden with fruit. But it has different needs at each of those phases in its life. You, too, are healthy and normal at the start of your sexual development, as you grow, and as you bear the fruits of living with confidence and joy inside your body. You are healthy when you need lots of sun, and you're healthy when you enjoy some shade. That's the true story. We are all the same. We are all different. We are all normal."
- Her framework of accelerators and brakes is so valuable. "The goal of understanding your brake and accelerator is not to understand 'what men are like' or 'what women are like' but to understand what YOU are like."
- "Just as there are no innate words, there appear to be almost no innate sexual stimuli. What turns us on (or off) is learned from culture."
- One of the biggest brakes for women is stress. Our bodies hold on to stress because we don't know how to let it complete its cycle. "Physical activity is the single most effective strategy for completing the stress response cycle and re-calibrating your central nervous system into a calm state."
- Negative messages from culture: Moral (you are evil), Medical (you are diseased), Media (you are inadequate)
- "A lot of women trust their bodies less than they trust what they've been taught about their bodies."
- Desire = arousal in context. CONTEXT MATTERS. A physical sensation in one context can be a turn-on, in another context it can be annoying.
- Framework of responsive vs. spontaneous desire
- Sex isn't a drive, it is "incentive motivation." A drive is something that keeps you from dying. Incentive motivation moves you toward pleasure. Important because you aren't broken, and men don't get to excuse assault/rape/etc. because of their "drive"
- All her garden metaphors worked for me. An example: "An apple tree can be healthy no matter what variety of apple it is - though one variety may need constant direct sunlight and another might enjoy some shade. And an apple tree can be healthy when it's a seed, when it's a seedling, as it's growing, and as it fades at the end of the season, as well as when, in late summer, it is laden with fruit. But it has different needs at each of those phases in its life. You, too, are healthy and normal at the start of your sexual development, as you grow, and as you bear the fruits of living with confidence and joy inside your body. You are healthy when you need lots of sun, and you're healthy when you enjoy some shade. That's the true story. We are all the same. We are all different. We are all normal."
- Her framework of accelerators and brakes is so valuable. "The goal of understanding your brake and accelerator is not to understand 'what men are like' or 'what women are like' but to understand what YOU are like."
- "Just as there are no innate words, there appear to be almost no innate sexual stimuli. What turns us on (or off) is learned from culture."
- One of the biggest brakes for women is stress. Our bodies hold on to stress because we don't know how to let it complete its cycle. "Physical activity is the single most effective strategy for completing the stress response cycle and re-calibrating your central nervous system into a calm state."
- Negative messages from culture: Moral (you are evil), Medical (you are diseased), Media (you are inadequate)
- "A lot of women trust their bodies less than they trust what they've been taught about their bodies."
- Desire = arousal in context. CONTEXT MATTERS. A physical sensation in one context can be a turn-on, in another context it can be annoying.
- Framework of responsive vs. spontaneous desire
- Sex isn't a drive, it is "incentive motivation." A drive is something that keeps you from dying. Incentive motivation moves you toward pleasure. Important because you aren't broken, and men don't get to excuse assault/rape/etc. because of their "drive"
informative
fast-paced
LOVED IT!!! This was interesting, enriching, entertaining, heart filled and passionate. I listened to this book as an audiobook and kept having to rewind because it blew my little mind. The last chapter, I listened to in its entirety, twice in a row. Really, really, really good book. Also, unlike some other reviewers, I LOVED ALL HER METAPHORS! <3
Almost DNF this one...
Disliked -
It's sooo much longer than it needs to be, very repetitive, and her excessive use of metaphors is exhausting and hard to keep track of (boilers, gardens, cars, flocks of birds, etc...). I wish she'd just embraced that her readers can probably understand the actual science - often the metaphors inhibited rather than facilitated me understand what she was explaining.
Liked -
I appreciate that she's written this - she clearly has an incredible amount of experience of talking to people about their sex lives / thoughts / relationships, and she includes this in anecdotes which brings the science-y bits more to life.
Highlights for me were the chapter on emotions and completing the stress cycle, and learning about brakes/accelerators and responsive/spontaneous desire.
Overall -
I deeply disagree with some of her ideology, which comes through strongly throughout the book, and so I would hesitate to recommend it to anyone; but she writes in a funny and kind way, and there were some interesting takeaways from the science she unpacks (though by about 1/3 through it felt like a bit of a slog to get to them).
Disliked -
It's sooo much longer than it needs to be, very repetitive, and her excessive use of metaphors is exhausting and hard to keep track of (boilers, gardens, cars, flocks of birds, etc...). I wish she'd just embraced that her readers can probably understand the actual science - often the metaphors inhibited rather than facilitated me understand what she was explaining.
Liked -
I appreciate that she's written this - she clearly has an incredible amount of experience of talking to people about their sex lives / thoughts / relationships, and she includes this in anecdotes which brings the science-y bits more to life.
Highlights for me were the chapter on emotions and completing the stress cycle, and learning about brakes/accelerators and responsive/spontaneous desire.
Overall -
I deeply disagree with some of her ideology, which comes through strongly throughout the book, and so I would hesitate to recommend it to anyone; but she writes in a funny and kind way, and there were some interesting takeaways from the science she unpacks (though by about 1/3 through it felt like a bit of a slog to get to them).
Personally, I think this book is completely life changing. It’s given me the language to describe what I couldn’t about my inhibitions. Thanks for making me feel normal and more confident with science, Emily!
Not what I expected, actual information was lacking. More personal stories and prep talks than anything.