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lisagray68's review against another edition
4.0
So many people have told me to read this book. It is based on attachment theory, and gives you 5 "love styles" and then how those styles mesh together when you choose someone with a different style. It is written by Christian authors, but the "Christian-ness" of the book isn't overwhelming and shouldn't bother you if you aren't Christian. I figured out my style, and was telling my husband about it. He was laughing, because it is just SO me. Then he said "Dare I ask about my style?" and while I was reading his to him, he said "Wait. Did YOU write this book????" That is how uncannily accurate it was. I hate to say there's a formula, but this book comes pretty close.
benrush's review
3.0
True rating, 3.75
This book unpacks the concept of Attachment Theory with the purpose of establishing how our childhood imprints by our parents impact marriage. This is not difficult to imagine and the thesis is easy to validate.
I found several illustrations to be unnecessary. Much of the book could have been condensed.
I struggle with the idea that there are only 5 attachment imprints; and I found many of the childhood stories shared to be overly traumatic. I’m sure they happened but for those who had fairly normal childhoods, the stories just don’t connect. Since much of the book centers around how our parents impacted us, there is not enough application on how current parents can improve / avoid repeating mistakes of their parents. Although - it doesn’t take much to read between the lines. I’ve purchased the corresponding workbook and their other book by this title for parents.
The first half of the book was very helpful. The second half was too long. This book is very accessible and practical. It’s not a theology of marriage book, so if that’s what you’re looking for - skip this and read Keller’s book on Marriage.
Overall this is one of the better marriage books I’ve read.
This book unpacks the concept of Attachment Theory with the purpose of establishing how our childhood imprints by our parents impact marriage. This is not difficult to imagine and the thesis is easy to validate.
I found several illustrations to be unnecessary. Much of the book could have been condensed.
I struggle with the idea that there are only 5 attachment imprints; and I found many of the childhood stories shared to be overly traumatic. I’m sure they happened but for those who had fairly normal childhoods, the stories just don’t connect. Since much of the book centers around how our parents impacted us, there is not enough application on how current parents can improve / avoid repeating mistakes of their parents. Although - it doesn’t take much to read between the lines. I’ve purchased the corresponding workbook and their other book by this title for parents.
The first half of the book was very helpful. The second half was too long. This book is very accessible and practical. It’s not a theology of marriage book, so if that’s what you’re looking for - skip this and read Keller’s book on Marriage.
Overall this is one of the better marriage books I’ve read.
happycroissant's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
random19379's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.25
Couple issues with this book. First one being the religious stuff, not a fan. Second one its heteronormative and doesn’t to acknowledge social social systems like sexism. It also has too many metaphors for my preference. Has good stuff about healing inner child though, would recommend adult children of emotionally immature parents for more info
Content Warnings
Graphic: Toxic relationship and Domestic abuse
bookish_gina's review against another edition
4.0
This book was recommend to me by my Mentor as a way of understanding the things we bring into our marriages from our past. It was a very enlightening book. I would recommend this book to anyone that would like to really get to know their spouse more then they "think" they already do. Although, a bit wordy at times, it got it's point across. I would even recommend this book to newly weds. It might just save a lot of heartaches along their journey of marriage.
rjlee89's review against another edition
5.0
This book was mind-blowing - plus, yet another marriage book that turned out to be a parenting book for me. It must be the stage of life I'm in haha
"How were you comforted as a child?" This is the premise of the book and it's shocking how this simple question reveals SO MUCH about how we as adults adjust and relate and communicate to those around us (spouses, but I would also say our children). It turns into several different love styles, with growth goals to help the reader become a "secure connector". One point that's made is that you can have a different love style at home than at work, or with different relationships. So, it was interesting to see that while the one I have with my husband is different from the one I have with my child.
An even more important point that the authors address is that these love styles are NOT labels. As in, "Ugh, I'm a pleaser, vacillator, avoider, controller, victim. Whelp. What can you do?" No, the point is to recognize that this pattern is was learned and can be unlearned via growth goals (which may include counseling and related accountability resources, especially for the controller and victim styles). And the goal is to become a secure connector. The goal as a secure connector is to be able to go through something called the "comfort circle" and being able to speak and listen and process stress/pain/situations/etc together in a way that brings both parties closer together.
The book goes through not only the different love styles and what they could look like, but also, what happens when different love styles marry and what that pattern, or "dance", looks like. My greatest takeaway was the "Soul Words" list. Basically soul words go beyond the "happy, sad, angry" emotions, and have more descript words. So, when processing a situation, anything life-related from the past or present, you can be like what word(s) best fit what I'm feeling or was feeling. It's pretty radical, especially since I now have these tools to teach my daughter as she grows too.
HIGHLY RECOMMEND. I would give this 10 stars. It's just so helpful and really you don't have to be married, because it's about dealing with your past, growing and healing, in order to engage (securely) in the present and future. YES.
"How were you comforted as a child?" This is the premise of the book and it's shocking how this simple question reveals SO MUCH about how we as adults adjust and relate and communicate to those around us (spouses, but I would also say our children). It turns into several different love styles, with growth goals to help the reader become a "secure connector". One point that's made is that you can have a different love style at home than at work, or with different relationships. So, it was interesting to see that while the one I have with my husband is different from the one I have with my child.
An even more important point that the authors address is that these love styles are NOT labels. As in, "Ugh, I'm a pleaser, vacillator, avoider, controller, victim. Whelp. What can you do?" No, the point is to recognize that this pattern is was learned and can be unlearned via growth goals (which may include counseling and related accountability resources, especially for the controller and victim styles). And the goal is to become a secure connector. The goal as a secure connector is to be able to go through something called the "comfort circle" and being able to speak and listen and process stress/pain/situations/etc together in a way that brings both parties closer together.
The book goes through not only the different love styles and what they could look like, but also, what happens when different love styles marry and what that pattern, or "dance", looks like. My greatest takeaway was the "Soul Words" list. Basically soul words go beyond the "happy, sad, angry" emotions, and have more descript words. So, when processing a situation, anything life-related from the past or present, you can be like what word(s) best fit what I'm feeling or was feeling. It's pretty radical, especially since I now have these tools to teach my daughter as she grows too.
HIGHLY RECOMMEND. I would give this 10 stars. It's just so helpful and really you don't have to be married, because it's about dealing with your past, growing and healing, in order to engage (securely) in the present and future. YES.
lou_journals's review
5.0
So, I loved reading this book. This book was recommended to me by my spiritual advisor, and it was really worth while.
It’s a book focused on the different ways we as humans can love and how we can learn to love better through our love styles. It is mostly focused on marriage, but I believe it can apply all areas of life. Because it gives great advice that can be applied under any area of life, with friends, family, you name it.
It so well thought out, and I highly recommend it to everyone. It’s a book that will leave you thinking after having read it. I don’t want to expand to much on this review, but I think you should try reading it, and reflect on it.
See you around for any new updates!! And continue reading.
It’s a book focused on the different ways we as humans can love and how we can learn to love better through our love styles. It is mostly focused on marriage, but I believe it can apply all areas of life. Because it gives great advice that can be applied under any area of life, with friends, family, you name it.
It so well thought out, and I highly recommend it to everyone. It’s a book that will leave you thinking after having read it. I don’t want to expand to much on this review, but I think you should try reading it, and reflect on it.
See you around for any new updates!! And continue reading.
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