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3.93 AVERAGE
3.93 AVERAGE
reflective
sad
medium-paced
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
This is an exquisite, honest study of family dysfunction, mental illness, trauma, and perseverance. Having grown up in the Houston area as a first-generation Korean American, Hyeseung attended a high school in which it was assumed she would enroll-and excel-in an Ivy league school. She did all she could to meet her family’s expectations, despite being crippled by undiagnosed depression and unspoken trauma. It was not until she struggled alone on the East Coast that she began to find her true self and learned to fight for the life she loved and deserved. Both brutal and beautiful, the author honestly assesses the trials and triumphs of her life.
dark
emotional
slow-paced
I received an ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review
Docile: Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl by Hyeseung Song is a memoir detailing the life of a first generation Korean-American. When Hyeseung’s family moved to Texas, her father had a dream of being a billionaire but it was her mother who did most of the providing. As Hyeseung gets older, her codependent relationship with her mother and her depression lead her in directions she never expected.
Hyeseung Song is very frank about her status as the only Korean in her class in Texas and the competition created in high school when she did have another Korean classmate. She opens up about how it creates a different kind of pressure and the way her classmate's mother looked down on Hyeseung and her family. All of this gets compounded with the racism of her daily life, including when a classmate in elementary school asked if she could even speak English.
Her relationship with her mother is fraught with emotional dependency that goes beyond what a mother should expect or unload onto their child. Even if we see how Hyeseung’s mother does love her daughter, including sewing a dress for her, there's still aspects to their relationship that are not totally healthy and reveal how lost her mother was in a culture. The toxic parts of Hyeseung's parents’ relationship lead to Hyeseung gravitating towards her mother.
The novel heavily explores the expectations of being of Asian descent in America, the constant feeling of trying to push yourself that so many children from immigrant families are used to, to ‘make it’, feeling torn between two cultures, and the shame of being mentally ill. I remember back in the late 90s and early 2000s when society looked at people who were depressed as if they had a transmittable disease and tended to steer clear, lacking in compassion and understanding that nobody asks for a chemical imbalance and that if we could just drink water and go for a walk to fix it, we would.
A lot of Docile really hit home for me, as the depressed child of an immigrant with an emotionally codependent mother. I felt Hyeseung as she got in-between her parents’ arguing as she navigated what was expected of her versus what she realized she wanted. It's poignant and honest about how we got to her diagnosis at age 35, how all the things pile up and your childhood can absolutely play a part in your mental health even if your parents are doing everything they know how to give you a good life.
Content warning for thoughts of self-harm and a brief depiction of sexual assault.
I would recommend this to readers of memoirs from first-generation Americans, to fans of nonfiction exploring the push and pull between cultures and identity, and those looking for a memoir on the link between mental health and a difficult childhood
Content Warnings
Minor: Domestic abuse, Sexual assault
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I won this book in a LibraryThing giveaway which I entered because I was interested in Hyeseung Song's story.
There are a lot of stories out there about diaspora, and every time I find my heart squeezing in my chest over it. But Hyeseung's story is not just that. It is her journey from childhood to adulthood, and how she was shaped by her parents. It is her journey to discovering herself, loving herself, and freeing herself, as we all must do.
Song learns that even she was lumping her parents in with all Koreans, and that really her parents are their own people. Along the way she navigates mental illness, landing herself in a psychiatric hospital, getting a diagnosis, going on with her life, and then the whole thing repeats years later as she gets a new diagnosis.
The book is as compelling as a contemporary fiction novel, so I found myself spending hours turning the pages, and by the end I was pretty emotional. I'm glad to have read it, and I am glad Hyeseung Song has shared her story with the world, because I know that there are so many of us with similar stories, and this connects us.
There are a lot of stories out there about diaspora, and every time I find my heart squeezing in my chest over it. But Hyeseung's story is not just that. It is her journey from childhood to adulthood, and how she was shaped by her parents. It is her journey to discovering herself, loving herself, and freeing herself, as we all must do.
Song learns that even she was lumping her parents in with all Koreans, and that really her parents are their own people. Along the way she navigates mental illness, landing herself in a psychiatric hospital, getting a diagnosis, going on with her life, and then the whole thing repeats years later as she gets a new diagnosis.
The book is as compelling as a contemporary fiction novel, so I found myself spending hours turning the pages, and by the end I was pretty emotional. I'm glad to have read it, and I am glad Hyeseung Song has shared her story with the world, because I know that there are so many of us with similar stories, and this connects us.
Content Warnings
Minor: Rape
Thank you Simon & Schuster for the advanced reader copy.
Docile: Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl is a deeply moving memoir that will stay with you long after reading. There were many instances while reading Hyeseung Song’s revelations about life that I thought wow, I really needed to read that right now. I appreciate the openness with which Hyeseung writes about her mental health and I hope in reading this book, others will find the strength to open up or seek help. Thank you Hyeseung for the reminder “to let things have their own lives”.
Docile: Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl is a deeply moving memoir that will stay with you long after reading. There were many instances while reading Hyeseung Song’s revelations about life that I thought wow, I really needed to read that right now. I appreciate the openness with which Hyeseung writes about her mental health and I hope in reading this book, others will find the strength to open up or seek help. Thank you Hyeseung for the reminder “to let things have their own lives”.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Bullying, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Racism, Sexual assault, Forced institutionalization, Suicide attempt
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
reflective
medium-paced
challenging
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
This is such a challenging but beautifully crafted autobiography of a first gen Korean American woman who struggles with finding her own voice as well as her own motivations. Told across her early childhood days in Texas through to finding her new life and career in the big city, she unravels a complex relationship that she has with her own family, mental health, and relationships.
Beautifully written and poignant; definitely a good book to recommend to those who love Crying in H Mart or Minor Feelings.
Many thanks to Simon and Schuster and NetGalley for the galley and opportunity to read and share my thoughts on this gem.
Beautifully written and poignant; definitely a good book to recommend to those who love Crying in H Mart or Minor Feelings.
Many thanks to Simon and Schuster and NetGalley for the galley and opportunity to read and share my thoughts on this gem.
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
This is an extremely vulnerable and beautifully written memoir. Song captures her life experiences and struggles in a way that really pulls you in and enables you to feel her emotions. So much so, that I do caution readers to take care when reading and be mindful of content warnings.
Very impactful read.
I only wished for a bit more at the end to describe more of the circumstances of her present life.
Ratings
Quality of Writing 5/5
Value for Intended Audience 5/5
Pacing 4/5
Vulnerability 5/5
Overall Enjoyability 5/5
Thank you NetGalley for the eARC.
Very impactful read.
I only wished for a bit more at the end to describe more of the circumstances of her present life.
Ratings
Quality of Writing 5/5
Value for Intended Audience 5/5
Pacing 4/5
Vulnerability 5/5
Overall Enjoyability 5/5
Thank you NetGalley for the eARC.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt
Minor: Panic attacks/disorders, Terminal illness
Thanks to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for the ARC!
What an amazing memoir!
This is being marketed as reminiscent of Crying in H Mart and Minari, and while I love both of those, I think the comparison does a disservice to Docile. This is a book without a hook, which may sound like a criticism, but I think it actually reflects Hyeseung Song’s authorial strengths. Memoirs are often built and marketed around something like a family scandal, a traumatic experience, or the dissolution or redemption of a painful relationship. I appreciate these books, but I think they often play into reductionist conclusions about identity as the author sets up a single problem to solve by the end of the book. Song doesn’t do that here, instead writing a more straightforward account that illuminates how un-straightforward life really is. It works because life is rarely defined by heartache yet often disrupted by it.
The approach allows Song to write freely about so many intersecting themes without placing them in an artificial hierarchy, and the end result is a book that displays a well-warranted confidence. Without any other “gimmick,” this is a memoir that fails or succeeds on the strength of its voice, and every sentence feels perfectly sculpted for its purpose. Song’s sensibilities as a visual artist shine through, and for being such an interior-facing book, Docile is remarkably sensorial in its descriptions. At one point, the author writes that art makes her feel “entirely essential,” and I think that’s a good way to summarize the book as a whole—Song writes with an intuitive hand, and every beautiful phrase confirms that this book needs to exist.
I often finish memoirs and wish there was more to them, but this is the rare one where I instead wished there was more of it. To be clear, the book does not feel incomplete by any means, but all of its strengths made me want to immediately read a follow-up. In particular, Song’s exploration of her relationship to art feels like the prelude to a second book (Please!!), and her sensitivity to visual language recognizes that the strength of a story is in how it’s told. I hope she tells many more!
What an amazing memoir!
This is being marketed as reminiscent of Crying in H Mart and Minari, and while I love both of those, I think the comparison does a disservice to Docile. This is a book without a hook, which may sound like a criticism, but I think it actually reflects Hyeseung Song’s authorial strengths. Memoirs are often built and marketed around something like a family scandal, a traumatic experience, or the dissolution or redemption of a painful relationship. I appreciate these books, but I think they often play into reductionist conclusions about identity as the author sets up a single problem to solve by the end of the book. Song doesn’t do that here, instead writing a more straightforward account that illuminates how un-straightforward life really is. It works because life is rarely defined by heartache yet often disrupted by it.
The approach allows Song to write freely about so many intersecting themes without placing them in an artificial hierarchy, and the end result is a book that displays a well-warranted confidence. Without any other “gimmick,” this is a memoir that fails or succeeds on the strength of its voice, and every sentence feels perfectly sculpted for its purpose. Song’s sensibilities as a visual artist shine through, and for being such an interior-facing book, Docile is remarkably sensorial in its descriptions. At one point, the author writes that art makes her feel “entirely essential,” and I think that’s a good way to summarize the book as a whole—Song writes with an intuitive hand, and every beautiful phrase confirms that this book needs to exist.
I often finish memoirs and wish there was more to them, but this is the rare one where I instead wished there was more of it. To be clear, the book does not feel incomplete by any means, but all of its strengths made me want to immediately read a follow-up. In particular, Song’s exploration of her relationship to art feels like the prelude to a second book (Please!!), and her sensitivity to visual language recognizes that the strength of a story is in how it’s told. I hope she tells many more!