4.29 AVERAGE

mel_sh's profile picture

mel_sh's review

4.0

"For so long every step I've taken has been from one tongue to another"

"I have been so careless with the words I already have."

my first Kaveh Akbar!! i have had him on my list of "need-to-read authors" since before Martyr (his debut novel) was released and now I'm seeing everyone rave about that so i needed to jump on the train fast (i always feel especially ashamed when everyone is reading a book from a persian author and i, a persian, have not read it yet lmao).
i really liked this! the writing is so special and beautiful and the themes are very sad and important. i think some of the meaning was kinda lost on me at times so this collection will have to go to the list of poems i need to reread eventually but i am fully on the kaveh akbar train and cannot wait to consume everything he writes.
it also feels worth noting that, for reasons i cannot fully explain, certain poems about life and death that were written were weirdly triggering to me ? i don't think this is a problem that most - or anybody else - would have but i felt like highlighting that that's kinda why that one star is missing from me. i found myself having to stop reading often cuz the poems were taking me to dark places lmao. absolutely not a criticism of this collection, however !! 

"so much of being alive is breaking"

"Will i ever even know
when my work is done? I'm almost
ready to show you the mess I've made. 
challenging dark emotional reflective fast-paced
dark emotional funny reflective medium-paced

I don’t read much poetry, but I couldn’t resist more Kaveh Akbar after Martyr! Beautiful and grotesque, humorous and earnest, this collection holds so much in balance on its unique journey through addiction. This makes me want to become a better poetry reader.

This is such an intense, immersive, introspective collection of poems. It’s dark and somehow, often, soft. It’s a force. Kaveh Akbar bears himself without guard to his readers, and his poems feel at once detached and alarmingly intimate. It’s hard to decide where I’d even like to begin with praise.

(note: small excerpts of favorite lines from poems below)

Though the collection is not centered on queerness, a couple of poems with clear queer undertones took my breath away. “A Boy Steps into the Water” has such a precise language for the vertigo of the adolescent closet: “and of course I’m afraid of him / of the way keeping him a secret will make him / inevitable.” I had to stop reading the poem “Portrait of the Alcoholic Floating in Space with Severed Umbilicus” part way through to sit with the sensation of loss held in these words: “there is a pond I leapt into once / with a lonely blonde boy / when we scampered out one of us / was in love / I could not be held responsible / for desire / he could not be held at all.” Just remarkable writing.

“Orchids are Sprouting Through the Floorboards” made me burst into tears on the spot. It’s such a shockingly gentle, tender eulogy. The poem’s abstract beauty, unclear in precise meaning but sharply clear in feeling and mass, is a testament to the inadequacy of language to directly express grief. This is maybe my favorite example of the figurative being the only space to truly communicate grief, and loss. It is maybe my favorite eulogy.

I finished reading this book almost two weeks ago, and I have still thought about a line from the poem “Prayer” nearly every day. The staying power is amazing.

Other favorites (the list is long) included “Rimrock,” “Thirstiness is Not Equal Division,” “Fugu,” and “I Won’t Lie This Plague of Gratitude.”

Overall: just a monumental collection. I’ve been hearing about Akbar’s talent for a couple years but this is the first time I’ve read him. It’s really just a gift to read.
illusionfoxpkmn's profile picture

illusionfoxpkmn's review

5.0
challenging emotional reflective slow-paced

My favorite poem from the collection is the last one: "Portrait of the Alcoholic Stranded Alone on a Desert Island". The boat I am building will never be done. 

"One way to bury/ something is to bury it/ forever. When I was water/ you poured me out/ over the dirt." A stunning collection executed in a voice completely its own, infused with a dizzying fallibility and a multidimensional cultural awareness.
reflective

there is a terrible grace in these poems. a terrible honesty, too. akbar is so frank about the soul and all its rots, the body and its failings, but there is still here a kind of wonder. i don't know. i'll be sitting with this one for a while.

edit: spring 2024, this book hit different for me. i'm in the early stages of sobriety and found something vital in these pages. thanks, kaveh. i wanna buy you tea at Fellowship after a meeting
dark emotional hopeful slow-paced

this collection was as heartbreaking as it was illuminating. i have been around the addiction of loved ones and personally struggled with it as well - and these poems really resonated on that level. i don't have much to say besides these words are worth your time