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4.11 AVERAGE
4.11 AVERAGE
I wanted to like this more. However, much of it rambled on like a geneaology project rather than a memoir. The author's admitted distance from his family members was also problematic. Additionally, Gary Gilmore sold the rights to his life story to Norman Mailer for The Executioner's Song, preventing Mikal Gilmore from repeating much of Gary's narrative in his own memoir.
Ultimately it felt flat and unfinished.
Ultimately it felt flat and unfinished.
This was recommended to me after a twitter post I made about dysfunctional families. Mikal Gilmore gives an intense and well-researched history of his family, which included his brother, Gary Gilmore. After murdering two men, Gary became famous for expressing an interest in ending his life with the death penalty (see The Executioner's Song).
As the youngest brother, Mikal dives into the history that he can compile about his mother and father, as well as how his older brothers were raised. If you've ever wondered what breeds a murderer, the environment Mikal details is exactly that. This is a story of deep dysfunction, repeated cycles of violence, neglect, and alcoholism and drug abuse that destroys the lives of all involved.
A mother who is brought into the criminal lifestyle of a con-man husband who is always on the road. The beating she takes, and later the children experience, is unpredictable, brutal, and constant. The favorites who later lose the approval of their father, and the pitting of the parent against each other so children must make cruel decisions that further cement their part of the dysfunction.
Several themes I would like to point out that I have also experienced in a less dysfunctional but still violent household, is: 1.) Family mythology is a crucial piece in keeping a family in line. It tells them how to behave, and gives a false narrative of who they are. 2.) Secrets. It binds the family not to speak outside of the home about what is happening or to question what is happening. 3.) The survivor guilt, thinking you can save someone on a destructive path, while at the same time wanting distance from the disaster.
The book is extremely interesting and pulls you into the Gilmore family sick dynamics quickly.
Several things that I think the book does poorly. Because the voice is Mikal's he sometimes forgives or blurs over facts he doesn't want to fully address. For example, his brothers all confirm that his mother was beaten until she was black and blue with closed eyes. Because of his male POV, the idea of Post-Partum Depression and what was done to his mother is lost among hundreds of pages detailing the male journey of his father and brothers.
Mikal never addresses the psychological aspect of family issues at all. He never mentions seeking counseling and instead tries to answer the questions himself. Rather, he thinks he's apart from it all, while at the same coming to the conclusion that he is doomed and can't separate himself from his family.
Earlier in the book you sense he wants to be like his brother, to experience their fraternity, and admires the cool aspect he sees of their delinquent lifestyle. He idolizes his father who makes him the favorite. But later, wants distance. Escaping, he provides no material support (or other) to Frank Jr. who cares for their mother.
I did have to ask myself how many children these brothers sired? I mean no condoms or birth control mentioned during all these encounters in the 1950s-60s. Mikal might want to put his DNA on Ancestry dot com if he wants the truth about his father (as well as his own experiences).
While he is upset about what Gary has done, Mikal blames the prison system and schools for why his brother took the path he did, when in reality the path started at home. Could Gary have been saved if someone reached out earlier in his life? Perhaps.
But IMO Gary's path could only have been changed if addressed extremely early in his childhood and if they had been removed from the home.
While I know this is the Gimore family story, I was disappointed that at no time does Mikal reach out to the family of Max Jenson or Bennie Bushnell to ask for forgiveness.
JMO but this is not a book about healing, but a exploration of how home life and institutions produce the very criminals they want to ignore. Gripping and I recommend highly for lovers of true crime, and especially for those who want to know how a murderer is made.
As the youngest brother, Mikal dives into the history that he can compile about his mother and father, as well as how his older brothers were raised. If you've ever wondered what breeds a murderer, the environment Mikal details is exactly that. This is a story of deep dysfunction, repeated cycles of violence, neglect, and alcoholism and drug abuse that destroys the lives of all involved.
A mother who is brought into the criminal lifestyle of a con-man husband who is always on the road. The beating she takes, and later the children experience, is unpredictable, brutal, and constant. The favorites who later lose the approval of their father, and the pitting of the parent against each other so children must make cruel decisions that further cement their part of the dysfunction.
Several themes I would like to point out that I have also experienced in a less dysfunctional but still violent household, is: 1.) Family mythology is a crucial piece in keeping a family in line. It tells them how to behave, and gives a false narrative of who they are. 2.) Secrets. It binds the family not to speak outside of the home about what is happening or to question what is happening. 3.) The survivor guilt, thinking you can save someone on a destructive path, while at the same time wanting distance from the disaster.
The book is extremely interesting and pulls you into the Gilmore family sick dynamics quickly.
Several things that I think the book does poorly. Because the voice is Mikal's he sometimes forgives or blurs over facts he doesn't want to fully address. For example, his brothers all confirm that his mother was beaten until she was black and blue with closed eyes. Because of his male POV, the idea of Post-Partum Depression and what was done to his mother is lost among hundreds of pages detailing the male journey of his father and brothers.
Mikal never addresses the psychological aspect of family issues at all. He never mentions seeking counseling and instead tries to answer the questions himself. Rather, he thinks he's apart from it all, while at the same coming to the conclusion that he is doomed and can't separate himself from his family.
Earlier in the book you sense he wants to be like his brother, to experience their fraternity, and admires the cool aspect he sees of their delinquent lifestyle. He idolizes his father who makes him the favorite. But later, wants distance. Escaping, he provides no material support (or other) to Frank Jr. who cares for their mother.
I did have to ask myself how many children these brothers sired? I mean no condoms or birth control mentioned during all these encounters in the 1950s-60s. Mikal might want to put his DNA on Ancestry dot com if he wants the truth about his father (as well as his own experiences).
While he is upset about what Gary has done, Mikal blames the prison system and schools for why his brother took the path he did, when in reality the path started at home. Could Gary have been saved if someone reached out earlier in his life? Perhaps.
But IMO Gary's path could only have been changed if addressed extremely early in his childhood and if they had been removed from the home.
While I know this is the Gimore family story, I was disappointed that at no time does Mikal reach out to the family of Max Jenson or Bennie Bushnell to ask for forgiveness.
JMO but this is not a book about healing, but a exploration of how home life and institutions produce the very criminals they want to ignore. Gripping and I recommend highly for lovers of true crime, and especially for those who want to know how a murderer is made.
One of the most heart-wrenching dysfunctional tales you'll ever read, this memoir by the younger brother of Gary Gilmore, the first person executed in the U.S. after the 1970s repeal of the death penalty, captures the family travails that can lead some to the dark side and others wonder how to avoid it better than any book I've read.
Mikal Gilmore is a talented music writer and while I've never read any of his other books, this one has stayed with me for years.
Mikal Gilmore is a talented music writer and while I've never read any of his other books, this one has stayed with me for years.
Honest. Introspective. Heart-wrenching. Not always a pleasant story to read (I can't imagine what it was like to live) - but most definitely worth it.
“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.”
This book took the dysfunctional childhoods authors suffered from in books like [b:The Glass Castle|7445|The Glass Castle|Jeannette Walls|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1523542886l/7445._SY75_.jpg|2944133] and [b:Educated|35133922|Educated|Tara Westover|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1506026635l/35133922._SY75_.jpg|53814228] and turned up the pain of growing up in belittling, stressful, and violent households and multiplied the degree of suffering and damage by ten.
Mikal Gilmore's parents met under less than auspicious circumstances. Two damaged people who never should have married ending up stuck in an extremely abusive marriage which produced four sons of varying damages. Two of these sons ended up suffering violent deaths and while the other two escaped with their lives, at least one of the remaining sons lived a life filled with shattered dreams, poisoned by the actions of his parents. Both of Gilmore's parents were equally to blame for the heartless killer and/or delinquents two of their sons turned out to be as well as the shell of a life Frank Jr. ended up living. Since Mikal was born so long after his three brothers, his experience of familial violence was markedly different than those of his older brothers, and for that, they resented and punished him throughout his life.
Gilmore raised the question of whether his family's fate was it all a family curse or not. Whether troubled souls and troubled homes were the result of nurture versus nature. It seems that Gilmore would argue that nurture has a bigger influence on a body. In the case of his family, I'd certainly agree. It is deeply saddening to ponder what his brothers' lives could have been like if they were raised under a roof of loving, supporting parents who wanted the best for their children and could be grownups for them.
There were a few things that bothered me about Mikal's narrative. Foremost was the fact that he didn't seem to have anything more than a passing thought to the pain that his brothers, especially Gary, inflicted on others. He covered for his brothers on multiple occasions and willingly admitted that he'd never turn his brothers in. All he could think of was how his brother's decision to force his own upcoming execution would reflect on himself and his family. I don't know about other readers but if I had a family member out in the community harming others, I certainly wouldn't cover for them.
It was so painful to see what a short straw Mikal's eldest brother, Frank, drew. Even though Mikal was the youngest, he left the total care of his mother in his eldest brother's hands, knowing this was sealing Frank's fate at ever living a normal life. Mikal, in true last child stereotype, walked away from his family and its obligations, seemingly without a care, dooming his remaining brother to ten years of blinding despair.
Besides [b:A Child Called "It"|60748|A Child Called "It" (Dave Pelzer, #1)|Dave Pelzer|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1438400434l/60748._SY75_.jpg|59104], this is one of the saddest nonfiction stories I've ever read. Normally, I wouldn't say a person's childhood is responsible for who they become as an adult but these children never really had a shot at living a normal life.
This book took the dysfunctional childhoods authors suffered from in books like [b:The Glass Castle|7445|The Glass Castle|Jeannette Walls|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1523542886l/7445._SY75_.jpg|2944133] and [b:Educated|35133922|Educated|Tara Westover|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1506026635l/35133922._SY75_.jpg|53814228] and turned up the pain of growing up in belittling, stressful, and violent households and multiplied the degree of suffering and damage by ten.
Mikal Gilmore's parents met under less than auspicious circumstances. Two damaged people who never should have married ending up stuck in an extremely abusive marriage which produced four sons of varying damages. Two of these sons ended up suffering violent deaths and while the other two escaped with their lives, at least one of the remaining sons lived a life filled with shattered dreams, poisoned by the actions of his parents. Both of Gilmore's parents were equally to blame for the heartless killer and/or delinquents two of their sons turned out to be as well as the shell of a life Frank Jr. ended up living. Since Mikal was born so long after his three brothers, his experience of familial violence was markedly different than those of his older brothers, and for that, they resented and punished him throughout his life.
Gilmore raised the question of whether his family's fate was it all a family curse or not. Whether troubled souls and troubled homes were the result of nurture versus nature. It seems that Gilmore would argue that nurture has a bigger influence on a body. In the case of his family, I'd certainly agree. It is deeply saddening to ponder what his brothers' lives could have been like if they were raised under a roof of loving, supporting parents who wanted the best for their children and could be grownups for them.
There were a few things that bothered me about Mikal's narrative. Foremost was the fact that he didn't seem to have anything more than a passing thought to the pain that his brothers, especially Gary, inflicted on others. He covered for his brothers on multiple occasions and willingly admitted that he'd never turn his brothers in. All he could think of was how his brother's decision to force his own upcoming execution would reflect on himself and his family. I don't know about other readers but if I had a family member out in the community harming others, I certainly wouldn't cover for them.
It was so painful to see what a short straw Mikal's eldest brother, Frank, drew. Even though Mikal was the youngest, he left the total care of his mother in his eldest brother's hands, knowing this was sealing Frank's fate at ever living a normal life. Mikal, in true last child stereotype, walked away from his family and its obligations, seemingly without a care, dooming his remaining brother to ten years of blinding despair.
Besides [b:A Child Called "It"|60748|A Child Called "It" (Dave Pelzer, #1)|Dave Pelzer|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1438400434l/60748._SY75_.jpg|59104], this is one of the saddest nonfiction stories I've ever read. Normally, I wouldn't say a person's childhood is responsible for who they become as an adult but these children never really had a shot at living a normal life.
I really enjoyed this--he explores reasons for his brother's violence in his family's history, which is tied up in part with Mormon history. This was a really interesting read.
This is a stellar, and unusual, true crime book. The first 3/4 of this is riveting, which is ironic since it has nothing to do with the crime or notoriety that might draw you to the book in the first place: Gary Gimore's murders and his subsequent, famed execution by firing squad. The real draw of the book is the way Mikal thoroughly excavates his family's history, delving deep into his troubled mother and father's lives to trace the source of his family's dysfunctions and horrors. An unforgettable family memoir that leaves you rather traumatized yourself.
An inside look into the family and life of Gary Gilmore. A glimpse into what made him "tick" and the circumstances surrounding him. Very interesting read.
challenging
dark
sad
medium-paced
Well, I can't say this was the most uplifting book I've ever read.