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3.65 AVERAGE
3.65 AVERAGE
I liked most of this book. I found it really interesting from a cultural standpoint. There were definitely parts of it I didn’t like, but overall it was a good read.
It’s a memoir about a reporter, Megan, who is living in China with her husband when she gets pregnant and quits her reporting job. They decide to hire help (housework and help with the baby) so she could write a book. She writes about her struggle as a new mom, the lack of sleep that caused some insanity. I could totally relate to that and remembered the haze of early motherhood.
Then, pregnant again, her husband gets a job in India and they move there. She hires help in India, too. She struggles with the realities of having help and the cultural differences and what happens when you try and help “the help” based on your culture.
There were some parts of the book that were definitely uncomfortable. Her privilege definitely came through and was gross, but at the same time, I’m a middle-class white woman with privilege (even though I don’t have hired help), so maybe it’s uncomfortable to read because of that? Who knows. Either way, there were some “icky” parts but some really interesting parts.
It’s a memoir about a reporter, Megan, who is living in China with her husband when she gets pregnant and quits her reporting job. They decide to hire help (housework and help with the baby) so she could write a book. She writes about her struggle as a new mom, the lack of sleep that caused some insanity. I could totally relate to that and remembered the haze of early motherhood.
Then, pregnant again, her husband gets a job in India and they move there. She hires help in India, too. She struggles with the realities of having help and the cultural differences and what happens when you try and help “the help” based on your culture.
There were some parts of the book that were definitely uncomfortable. Her privilege definitely came through and was gross, but at the same time, I’m a middle-class white woman with privilege (even though I don’t have hired help), so maybe it’s uncomfortable to read because of that? Who knows. Either way, there were some “icky” parts but some really interesting parts.
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.5. I wish there was more. Maybe more reflection or discussion as to why care taking services are so cheap?
For all the years I've been drowning in housework while holding down a full time job and family life, I've been crying "why is no one talking about this?" And by "this" i mean the housework. There are plenty of people out there bemoaning the ways paid work takes mothers (for some reason not fathers?) away from their children, when my experience has been that the chores are what is sucking my life away. Why is it the job that gets the blame, rather than the hours of cooking and cleaning and organizing and errands that eat up the majority of my non-work hours?
The author's context is living as an expat in China and India, where comprehensive household help is affordable. I have had a nanny, and two au pairs, but I don't feel like my experiences line up very well with the author's. Mainly because they do child care, not housework, so there is still such a crazy amount to be done when I get home every evening.
Stack doesn't offer solutions, just very thoughtful questions. This book is primarily a memoir, after all. There are so many aspects of this book I don't relate to and would love to chat with the author about - the role of men, the conflation of housework and child care, how "nannies" vs. "day care" are (or are not) fundamentally different, and how domestic employment looks different if migration is taken out of the equation or if nannies bring their children to work with them. If I had more time, maybe I'd write my own book - but I'm too busy with the responsibilities I already have.
The author's context is living as an expat in China and India, where comprehensive household help is affordable. I have had a nanny, and two au pairs, but I don't feel like my experiences line up very well with the author's. Mainly because they do child care, not housework, so there is still such a crazy amount to be done when I get home every evening.
Stack doesn't offer solutions, just very thoughtful questions. This book is primarily a memoir, after all. There are so many aspects of this book I don't relate to and would love to chat with the author about - the role of men, the conflation of housework and child care, how "nannies" vs. "day care" are (or are not) fundamentally different, and how domestic employment looks different if migration is taken out of the equation or if nannies bring their children to work with them. If I had more time, maybe I'd write my own book - but I'm too busy with the responsibilities I already have.
I did not find anything particularly insightful about this book – , I was led to believe that the book was primarily about the lives of the caretakers – but really it was about her. Her husband sounds like a bit of a hmmm . Honestly not sure what the point of this book was– I really didn’t get a lot from it
challenging
dark
mysterious
reflective
slow-paced
This book was an interesting read because it's covering such a difficult topic that although I didn't like how the author approached it, I can't think of any other way it could be done. The only way I can describe my issues with the book is that I can't imagine being one of the women she writes about and liking her depiction of me. That being said, some important issues and ideas were discussed, so I think it's still a valuable read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Sexism, Pregnancy, Classism
Moderate: Alcoholism, Misogyny, Racism, Toxic relationship, Sexual harassment
This is close to a 5 star book to me but part 3 was just a little too slow for me to give it the final star. Her descriptive writing made me relate so well to her thoughts on motherhood. She definitely is privileged (I read a review that was very dismissive of this book because of her privilege) but she does an amazing job of recognizing that privilege and not painting herself in a complementary light. She is hard on herself and I think that is also what makes me relate to her. In one experience she compliments herself for helping and then the next paragraph it is all exposed to be so selfish. I found myself understanding that this is the role of a woman and at the same time - not being happy that this is the role of a woman. My children are constantly on my mind and a part of me in a way that is just different than for the man. Is that because of biology? Is it because of the world? I don't know - but this book has made me think harder about my role and the roles my children are watching me and my husband play. Also her husband comes off as a jerk. This book and the movie Tully are so much a part of my life right now. Constant exhaustion and trying to keep everything moving forward while still hiding a little bit of time for myself.
I made quite a few assumptions about where this book was going but ultimately it took me nowhere. Though the author was being vulnerable by sharing her real time thoughts about motherhood and it ultimately read as being a judgmental white lady who very clearly didn’t understand cultural context. This book was well written and had a clear voice but it didn’t deliver on content and felt extremely out of touch.
Nope. I couldn't finish it. The privilege mixed with pseudo self awareness was too infuriating.
Well-written thought-provoking book presumably about privileged women (typically white) who hire nannys/housekeepers/cooks (typically minorities). But it's also a memoir of an American white woman who is raising her children in China and then India. Stack examines the double-edged sword of feminism—someone still needs to care for the children, clean, and cook if women return to work. Frequently, the only way to balance a high-powered career is to hire the work out. But what is the effect on the women who are hired? Who is raising their children? To elevate one woman's status, another woman's is often trampled down under financial burdens, and it can be an unending cycle in some countries. In this memoir/nonfiction story, the author lives in China and then India and employs a series of nannys and housekeepers. She then turns the tables and interviews them, often visiting their homes and meeting their families. It is a great concept, and I would give it 5 stars except the author kept bringing everything back to her. I wish it had been a more all-encompassing book rather than just an examination of her own experience. Also, she dives way too deep into her childbirth experience and newborn daze. One of those topics that is fascinating to the person herself, but like recounting a dream, not always interesting to others. The book picked up steam about a quarter of the way through, however. She gives an unflinching portrait of her own often self-centeredness, particularly as she grows accustomed to having help, and her husband's complete lack of interest in raising the children or helping her.