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briespi's review
5.0
Don't lie - you're curious about this one! Jenny Nordbak recounts her time working as a dominatrix in an LA dungeon. Before you start to freak out, a "dungeon" is not a brothel but basically a place of sexual role-playing with no sexual activities with the employees allowed. That is not to say that this book isn't sexy, because it totally is.
Each chapter of the book is dedicated to a person - usually a client but sometimes a character in Jenny's personal life. The chapters about her clients are mostly HILARIOUS. Most of what goes on in an LA dungeon is fetish-related (think feet, tickling, spanking, etc), so unless you have the same particular interest, you will likely laugh during a lot of her client interactions. I am also still SO curious about her super kinky interaction with an ulta-famous actor (who goes unnamed, obvi). WHO IS HE?!?!
This book is highly entertaining, well-written, and very thought-provoking. It's not just a book about sexuality, it's also a story about humanity. You should totally read this one! I give it all the flames (and stars).
Each chapter of the book is dedicated to a person - usually a client but sometimes a character in Jenny's personal life. The chapters about her clients are mostly HILARIOUS. Most of what goes on in an LA dungeon is fetish-related (think feet, tickling, spanking, etc), so unless you have the same particular interest, you will likely laugh during a lot of her client interactions. I am also still SO curious about her super kinky interaction with an ulta-famous actor (who goes unnamed, obvi). WHO IS HE?!?!
This book is highly entertaining, well-written, and very thought-provoking. It's not just a book about sexuality, it's also a story about humanity. You should totally read this one! I give it all the flames (and stars).
lilith_elinor's review
2.0
Ok so, this is rather obvious, but I will say it : the book is very explicit! It's basically a list of very explicit sexual encounters, with some biographical narration in between. Obviously the book is aiming to titillate with experiences that are outside the norm, and I'd say it succeeds fairly well in that respect. There's nothing really that surprising or even that intense though, except the waterboarding and the urethral sounding.
I feel like this book's blurb was very misleading. It implies that this book is about a Domme and her experience with submissive clients. That's not what the book is actually about though. It's really about one woman's BDSM phase, where she did indeed work in a dungeon, but first as a submissive and then as a switch. It's also about her family, her relationships, her other job buying equipment for a hospital under construction. It's about the BDSM lifestyle and the cons and cool parties she wants us to know she attended. I'd say less than 25% of the book is about her working as a Domme.
So to be fair, I was disappointed that I was misled, and it did make me a little more impatient with the book. I would not have picked it up if I knew it was going to be like this. But the things that annoyed me would have annoyed me anyway, just not this much.
The dialogue felt very stilted and wooden. Sometimes it was used for clunky exposition, especially in the beginning. Other times it sounded like wish fulfilment, you know how you rewrite a conversation in your head after the fact to how you wish it had gone.
The stuff that was done to the sub workers was sometimes exploitative and even abusive, but the author seemed unaware of this. There was no acknowledgement of the impossibility of truly consenting to an act when a person has to do it as a means to earn money to live. (This was not the case for the author, but some of the other workers were not as privileged as her and this seemed to be their means of earning their subsistance). Sometimes things were done to subs who clearly did not consent, and it was shrugged off. The author herself had to fight off a client who was attempting to rape her. She was uneasy for a few days, then decided to return. There were no consequences for the man. The book fails to think through the implications of these events, they are swept under the rug.
In general, the author's values seemed really off to me at other times too. For example she blamed herself for her boyfriend cheating. I call bullshit, he's an adult and that's on him. Her behaviour by taking such a sexually charged job in secret wasn't appropriate and she was right to reflect on that and want to make amends, but shitty behaviour doesn't excuse your partner having even shittier behaviour, that's not how it works.
At one point in the book, she says she doesn't understand how one could get pregnant accidentally given the range of birth control options. I was floored that such an ignorant and judgemental opinion was printed in an actual book without even being questioned. First of all, there is literally no method of birth control that is 100% effective (except for abstinence obviously). And secondly, people are human and make mistakes sometimes, there's no call to be judgemental. Especially since the author admits to not making her ex wear a condom earlier in the book because she felt too insecure to ask. Exactly the kind of thing which could result in accidental pregnancy.
In fact, for as much as the author congratulates herself and the BDSM community on being accepting and non-judgemental, they sure do make fun of their clients a lot. I get it, it helps to get through weird sessions, and some of those situations were quite funny, but then preaching how BDSM made her so much more accepting than the judgemental vanilla masses was not quite as convincing as she probably hoped. The whole book sounded exactly as judgemental as a vanilla person would be. She never fails to describe in uncompromising detail whatever a person would usually be judged for (being fat, being unattractive, not having curves in the right places, being old, being wrinkly, being an Asian person with an accent, having a ridiculous fantasy...). And on the flip side, she always feels the need to point out how attractive she and some other people are. Clearly these things are important to her. I feel like if she were truly non-judgemental she would be seeing other things in people.
I didn't understand why Colin was included. She says he was her friend, but proceeds to treat him like shit. She seems to think she's so much more enlightened than him, when all I see is a guy who's obviously in love with her and has a bit of a complex about helping lost girls, which isn't that unusual. (There are also a lot of women who are into helping lost men too.) Clearly his feelings weren't reciprocated or welcome, but there was no call to be so consistently mean to him, or put him in the book for what seemed to be no purpose but to make him look stupid. She should have been honest from the start that she wasn't interested, instead of stringing him along, being purposefully obtuse when even her mother told her he was making puppy eyes at her!
Overall I got the feeling that the whole book was a brag. The author was desperately trying to convince herself and us that she's cool and open-minded and went to all these cool parties, and impressed all these cool people. She was told she was a natural as a Domme! She went to a party half naked and everyone looked at her! She walked around in only a shirt and a black dildo at burning man! This is someone who needs a lot of attention and validation. It just got to be too much bragging.
The very little information there was on being a professional Domme was interesting. There were a few amusing anecdotes and interesting people. But for me, there really wasn't enough to justify wading through all the rest.
I feel like this book's blurb was very misleading. It implies that this book is about a Domme and her experience with submissive clients. That's not what the book is actually about though. It's really about one woman's BDSM phase, where she did indeed work in a dungeon, but first as a submissive and then as a switch. It's also about her family, her relationships, her other job buying equipment for a hospital under construction. It's about the BDSM lifestyle and the cons and cool parties she wants us to know she attended. I'd say less than 25% of the book is about her working as a Domme.
So to be fair, I was disappointed that I was misled, and it did make me a little more impatient with the book. I would not have picked it up if I knew it was going to be like this. But the things that annoyed me would have annoyed me anyway, just not this much.
The dialogue felt very stilted and wooden. Sometimes it was used for clunky exposition, especially in the beginning. Other times it sounded like wish fulfilment, you know how you rewrite a conversation in your head after the fact to how you wish it had gone.
The stuff that was done to the sub workers was sometimes exploitative and even abusive, but the author seemed unaware of this. There was no acknowledgement of the impossibility of truly consenting to an act when a person has to do it as a means to earn money to live. (This was not the case for the author, but some of the other workers were not as privileged as her and this seemed to be their means of earning their subsistance). Sometimes things were done to subs who clearly did not consent, and it was shrugged off. The author herself had to fight off a client who was attempting to rape her. She was uneasy for a few days, then decided to return. There were no consequences for the man. The book fails to think through the implications of these events, they are swept under the rug.
In general, the author's values seemed really off to me at other times too. For example she blamed herself for her boyfriend cheating. I call bullshit, he's an adult and that's on him. Her behaviour by taking such a sexually charged job in secret wasn't appropriate and she was right to reflect on that and want to make amends, but shitty behaviour doesn't excuse your partner having even shittier behaviour, that's not how it works.
At one point in the book, she says she doesn't understand how one could get pregnant accidentally given the range of birth control options. I was floored that such an ignorant and judgemental opinion was printed in an actual book without even being questioned. First of all, there is literally no method of birth control that is 100% effective (except for abstinence obviously). And secondly, people are human and make mistakes sometimes, there's no call to be judgemental. Especially since the author admits to not making her ex wear a condom earlier in the book because she felt too insecure to ask. Exactly the kind of thing which could result in accidental pregnancy.
In fact, for as much as the author congratulates herself and the BDSM community on being accepting and non-judgemental, they sure do make fun of their clients a lot. I get it, it helps to get through weird sessions, and some of those situations were quite funny, but then preaching how BDSM made her so much more accepting than the judgemental vanilla masses was not quite as convincing as she probably hoped. The whole book sounded exactly as judgemental as a vanilla person would be. She never fails to describe in uncompromising detail whatever a person would usually be judged for (being fat, being unattractive, not having curves in the right places, being old, being wrinkly, being an Asian person with an accent, having a ridiculous fantasy...). And on the flip side, she always feels the need to point out how attractive she and some other people are. Clearly these things are important to her. I feel like if she were truly non-judgemental she would be seeing other things in people.
I didn't understand why Colin was included. She says he was her friend, but proceeds to treat him like shit. She seems to think she's so much more enlightened than him, when all I see is a guy who's obviously in love with her and has a bit of a complex about helping lost girls, which isn't that unusual. (There are also a lot of women who are into helping lost men too.) Clearly his feelings weren't reciprocated or welcome, but there was no call to be so consistently mean to him, or put him in the book for what seemed to be no purpose but to make him look stupid. She should have been honest from the start that she wasn't interested, instead of stringing him along, being purposefully obtuse when even her mother told her he was making puppy eyes at her!
Overall I got the feeling that the whole book was a brag. The author was desperately trying to convince herself and us that she's cool and open-minded and went to all these cool parties, and impressed all these cool people. She was told she was a natural as a Domme! She went to a party half naked and everyone looked at her! She walked around in only a shirt and a black dildo at burning man! This is someone who needs a lot of attention and validation. It just got to be too much bragging.
The very little information there was on being a professional Domme was interesting. There were a few amusing anecdotes and interesting people. But for me, there really wasn't enough to justify wading through all the rest.
bsgmars's review against another edition
adventurous
challenging
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
kcook14's review
4.0
Jenny Nordbak invites readers to follow her on her journey as a dominatrix, which ultimately leads to her finding confidence to live the life she wants (surprisingly it's a pretty tame one). I had no idea what I was getting into with this one. I figured there would be some uncomfortable parts, but there were a lot. It was eye opening and tough to read at times, but it was her journey, not mine, and I have great respect for anyone who is willing to share that much of themselves with the world.
I received a copy via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I received a copy via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
nikkicunniff's review against another edition
5.0
This was a fantastic read! I dont do nonfiction and memoirs, but finally caved because I was so intrigued. I finished this in one sitting and was so engrossed, fascinated, excited, and a bit grossed out. Then I'd have moments where I remembered - WOW, this is her life! And be even more interested and wish I knew her and was half as willing to be brave and go for the things I want. Wonderful book!
bandherbooks's review against another edition
4.0
A fascinating glimpse into a woman's experience exploring her boundaries while learning the ins and outs of being a Switch in an LA dungeon.
I have a bit of a crush on Jenny Nordbak after hearing her speak on a variety of podcasts, and this was a super illuminating read.
I had some wide-eyed moments, and definitely learned about a new kink (or three). Definitely worth picking up!
I have a bit of a crush on Jenny Nordbak after hearing her speak on a variety of podcasts, and this was a super illuminating read.
I had some wide-eyed moments, and definitely learned about a new kink (or three). Definitely worth picking up!
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