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undecidedpersonality's review against another edition
4.75
Graphic: Medical content, Alcohol, Excrement, Grief, Injury/Injury detail, Car accident, Death, Death of parent, Cancer, Terminal illness, Medical trauma, Vomit, and Chronic illness
Moderate: Alcoholism, Blood, Child death, and Violence
Minor: Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, and Suicide attempt
gracer's review against another edition
5.0
Unfortunately for me, I read it on a kindle library book, and now I can't seem to access my notes anywhere. (Not through goodreads and not through the Libby app, I've read all the FAQs and questions, I swear.) Oh well. This is probably going to be a re-read at some point anyway.
This book is exceptional: Zauner writes about the tragic loss of her much-too-young mother and manages to strike a perfect tone. It isn't whiny or complainy. It isn't cold and distanced. It isn't overly indulgent. She seamlessly combines everything: memories of childhood visits to South Korea, where her mother is from; growing up Asian-American in the small city of Eugene; the sort of angst and frustration and rebelliousness that is often born of youth early adulthood; and the grave, bleak diagnosis of mother and her mother's subsequent treatment and care.
Furthermore, she does not shy away from the awful things -- terrible words members of the family sometimes said to each other, reasons she rebelled -- and then she does an exceptional job of showing the love of the family despite these things. She reminds us that families can sometimes cause any of us the most unbelievable pain, even the "best" ones. As I read this book, I thought that in many ways this would be a good book for a new parent to read, as an example of what not to do but also as a reminder that no one is perfect, that parents have been making mistakes for as long as there have been parents and not all parents are horrible for it.
She dances so gracefully around the complicated topic of her father, with whom she has a complicated and even resentful relationship. She addresses her issues but is at the same time very respectful, and all the while the book is dedicated completely to her mother - none of the father complications take a way from that, it is still only through the lens of her mother and her mother's death.
There is also so much food writing in this. I suppose that is somewhat implied by the title, but discreetly so, I would say, and nicely done. Be warned, you'll get hungry. But food is just another mediary through which Zauner navigates not only her identity and her relationship with her mother; it's also a reflection of her emotional changes throughout her mother's illness. It ties everything together.
When I started reading this book, I hadn't made it far before I found a line about growing up without a diaspora that really resonated with me. I wish I could find my notes and highlights now! I knew I was in for something good, and it just continued to be that. Even though it's such a tough and serious topic, it never dragged me down. I found this book so easy to read, like I just glided through it, stopping only to highlight striking phrases. Just beautiful. It lives up to the hype. I'm in awe of what Zauner did here. Read it.
Graphic: Death of parent, Terminal illness, Grief, Medical trauma, and Cancer
Moderate: Alcoholism
Minor: Car accident and Drug abuse
pseudolain's review against another edition
5.0
Graphic: Medical content, Body horror, Death of parent, Cancer, Grief, Terminal illness, and Medical trauma
Moderate: Abortion
Minor: Car accident
bashsbooks's review against another edition
4.5
Now I'm going to listen to Japanese Breakfast's Psychopomp.
Graphic: Death, Terminal illness, Death of parent, Medical trauma, Grief, Cancer, and Medical content
Moderate: Alcohol, Alcoholism, Drug abuse, Drug use, and Racism
Minor: Blood, Body shaming, Car accident, Infidelity, and Vomit
cateyackerman's review against another edition
5.0
Graphic: Grief, Terminal illness, Medical content, Medical trauma, Death of parent, and Cancer
Moderate: Alcoholism, Car accident, Drug abuse, and Drug use
rayinbooks's review against another edition
5.0
Graphic: Death of parent
Moderate: Medical trauma, Suicidal thoughts, Chronic illness, and Terminal illness
paigereitz's review against another edition
4.0
Graphic: Medical content, Cancer, Terminal illness, Death of parent, Grief, Death, and Medical trauma
Moderate: Alcohol, Body shaming, Alcoholism, and Emotional abuse
olekittycat's review against another edition
4.5
Graphic: Physical abuse, Terminal illness, Death of parent, Domestic abuse, Gaslighting, Emotional abuse, Grief, and Medical trauma
wickedgrumpy's review against another edition
2.5
It was alright. I teared up a few times. The descriptions of food were verbose and evocative, sometimes excessively so. I love Maangchi.
This is a story of grief and mourning, of finding your identity and how it changes as you grow, relationships and connections.
Graphic: Body horror, Cancer, Death of parent, Grief, Medical content, Medical trauma, Toxic relationship, Vomit, Alcohol, and Terminal illness
Moderate: Death, Excrement, and Fatphobia
Minor: Abortion, Body shaming, Drug use, Addiction, Suicidal thoughts, Bullying, Car accident, Confinement, Cultural appropriation, Eating disorder, Religious bigotry, Emotional abuse, Racial slurs, Racism, Rape, and Sexism
authorbrittanibee's review against another edition
However, I still find myself struggling to give a star rating for her memoir. I believe this is primarily because her story shines a light directly onto my own life and the recent struggles I have found myself facing in regards to the parent/ child dynamic and the issues that stem from generational trauma.
While reading this memoir, I found (and highlighted) many instances where the dynamics between Michelle and her mother (and sometimes her father) felt toxic or uncomfortable. Of course, I must note that I read this story through a very specific lens having recently decided to cut ties with both of my parents. But--from my outside perspective--the dynamics within this family did not seem the most healthy and caused me a mixture of frustration and heartbreak when Michelle turned the blame onto herself.
I literally had to close this book for a few weeks as it became too much for me to read. The enmeshed relationship between mother and daughter felt too similar to my own, which left me emotionally drained.
In the end, my takeaway from this book is that the parent/ child relationship is one of the most complex relationships we will ever experience in our lives and everyone views it differently, oftentimes vastly. We can never truly know or understand the feelings that run deep within the relationships between families outside of our own, nor can we (or should we) judge any person's choice to stay within those dynamics or leave them entirely. And to add in an additional layer of becoming a parental caretaker complicates matters even more, creating a large, swirling vortex of feelings that may never become untangled.
I thoroughly enjoyed Michelle's thoughtful and emotional portrayal of her complex relationship with her mother and how they grew closer together during a time of great crisis, but also how the early loss of her mother left a mixture of grief and questions and an unsteady path forward.
Graphic: Medical trauma, Toxic relationship, Alcoholism, Grief, Medical content, Abortion, Death of parent, and Body shaming