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carrie_e's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
Excellent book about apologies…how to do so, good vs bad apologies, and how to respond appropriately. It’s very accessible and covers some well known historical and pop culture examples. Honestly this should be required reading at the high school or college level. Or really at any adult level. There are several work colleagues over the years who would have benefited greatly by a thoughtful reading of this book.
dmturner's review
funny
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
There’s a LOT in this book and it’s a heck of a (sometimes flip) good guide. The apology bingo cards alone are worth the price of the book.
mnstucki's review
4.0
*So* unbelievably good. The authors cover not only how to apologize well, but also some of the consequences of a bad apology (hint: it will basically always make things worse than not apologizing at all, whereas good apologies usually improve the situation significantly), public apologies of governments and other institutions throughout history, and much more. Something here for everyone, especially since apologizing well is a skill that most humans are still working on (raises hand), but also because we have all been on the receiving end of poor apologies, and it's helpful to see laid out so clearly why you might actually feel worse after getting a less-than-stellar sorry.
arianneloveland's review against another edition
challenging
funny
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
hadleygenelle's review
4.0
While I didn’t entirely agree with everything the two authors covered, I still found this book incredibly helpful. Crafting apologies (good ones at that), is difficult, and standing up for yourself when you receive a bad apology is even harder.
This also briefly covers internet mobs, cancel culture, and barging into situations that do not involve you. I appreciate this so much! I feel like (especially with celebrities or influencers) when people make mistakes people are so quick to “cancel them” or join the internet hate train for some measly “likes.” It is so performative and “holier than thou.”
I listened to this on audible, so there were parts that I actually wanted to shoot my brains out listening to, but I got through it.
This also briefly covers internet mobs, cancel culture, and barging into situations that do not involve you. I appreciate this so much! I feel like (especially with celebrities or influencers) when people make mistakes people are so quick to “cancel them” or join the internet hate train for some measly “likes.” It is so performative and “holier than thou.”
I listened to this on audible, so there were parts that I actually wanted to shoot my brains out listening to, but I got through it.
bootman's review
5.0
This book has far more good things about it than negatives, so I’ll start by saying that I do think everyone should read it. Apologizing is one of the most important things we can do to maintain relationships and be a decent person. Marjorie and Susan are excellent writers and write for Sorry Watch, which analyzes apologies. This is something I’m typically against, but these two women do an awesome job.
What I loved about this book is how many studies they bring to the book along with stories of various apologies. They discuss public apologies from high-profile people as well as stories from some of their readers. In my opinion, the best chapters are toward the end where they discuss the biases, sexism and racism that are involved in apologies. They also do a fantastic job discussing forgiveness and how it’s up to the person who was harmed to forgive and how they don’t have to.
My criticisms of the book are minor, but I think they should be discussed. At some points in the book, they can come off as policing apologies. Sometimes, you put the person apologizing in a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation, but these two do a pretty good job explaining the importance of letting people screw up, apologize, learn from it and grow, which I respect a ton. Too often, people screw up and then we don’t allow them room to grow, which doesn’t help anyone.
Lastly, as someone who has been sober over 10 years and got sober through 12-step programs, I really didn’t like how they discussed newly sober people apologize. They discuss it in passing and pretty much limit it to, “Someone might get sober and apologize to make themselves feel better,” and mention it’s part of their 12-step program. Not only was how they discussed it mostly incorrect, but there was a huge missed opportunity. People actually working the program are some of the best apologizers in the world, and it aligns with most of what was taught in this book. For the ninth step, we’re taught to not make the apology about us and to not expect forgiveness for what we’ve done. There’s a lot that goes into these acts of making amends, which is why it’s not step one. The authors almost make it sound like we’re taught to send a quick text saying, “My bad,” and that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Overall, this book is a must-read because all of us will need to humble ourselves and apologize at some point. There’s far more good in this book than bad despite my lengthy criticism of the 12-step aspect, and I hope a ton of people read this book and learn from it.
What I loved about this book is how many studies they bring to the book along with stories of various apologies. They discuss public apologies from high-profile people as well as stories from some of their readers. In my opinion, the best chapters are toward the end where they discuss the biases, sexism and racism that are involved in apologies. They also do a fantastic job discussing forgiveness and how it’s up to the person who was harmed to forgive and how they don’t have to.
My criticisms of the book are minor, but I think they should be discussed. At some points in the book, they can come off as policing apologies. Sometimes, you put the person apologizing in a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation, but these two do a pretty good job explaining the importance of letting people screw up, apologize, learn from it and grow, which I respect a ton. Too often, people screw up and then we don’t allow them room to grow, which doesn’t help anyone.
Lastly, as someone who has been sober over 10 years and got sober through 12-step programs, I really didn’t like how they discussed newly sober people apologize. They discuss it in passing and pretty much limit it to, “Someone might get sober and apologize to make themselves feel better,” and mention it’s part of their 12-step program. Not only was how they discussed it mostly incorrect, but there was a huge missed opportunity. People actually working the program are some of the best apologizers in the world, and it aligns with most of what was taught in this book. For the ninth step, we’re taught to not make the apology about us and to not expect forgiveness for what we’ve done. There’s a lot that goes into these acts of making amends, which is why it’s not step one. The authors almost make it sound like we’re taught to send a quick text saying, “My bad,” and that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Overall, this book is a must-read because all of us will need to humble ourselves and apologize at some point. There’s far more good in this book than bad despite my lengthy criticism of the 12-step aspect, and I hope a ton of people read this book and learn from it.
taylorcali's review
3.0
If I were to recommend a book on apologies, I'd recommend Why Won't You Apologize over this one.
This one was trying too hard to be funny, and it really wasn't that funny. Maybe a few things here and there, and it was a little annoying. I also could not figure out what the authors believe is their "authority" to write on this topic, as the only "credentials" they offered readers was that they run an "apology site" where people submit their good, bad, and ugly apologies. Not sure if that makes them qualified to write this book, but I digress.
Overall, what will stick with me the most is what the authors drove home: an apology is not about you, but the other person. Saying the words "I regret" or "I apologize" don't cut it. You need the words "I'm sorry" specifically. And no "I'm sorry but" or "I'm sorry you feel that way." More of, "I'm sorry my action hurt you." Followed by a "it won't happen again."
This one was trying too hard to be funny, and it really wasn't that funny. Maybe a few things here and there, and it was a little annoying. I also could not figure out what the authors believe is their "authority" to write on this topic, as the only "credentials" they offered readers was that they run an "apology site" where people submit their good, bad, and ugly apologies. Not sure if that makes them qualified to write this book, but I digress.
Overall, what will stick with me the most is what the authors drove home: an apology is not about you, but the other person. Saying the words "I regret" or "I apologize" don't cut it. You need the words "I'm sorry" specifically. And no "I'm sorry but" or "I'm sorry you feel that way." More of, "I'm sorry my action hurt you." Followed by a "it won't happen again."
towardinfinitybooks's review
While the content on apologies was interesting, it reads more like a memoir at times.