Reviews with content warning for Infidelity - Just by Looking at Him

There was so much I loved about this book.

The writing style reminded me of how I talk with my friends. There were many references that I knew - both the overlap of my tastes and the right time for these references to feel relevant. Not just because of their chronological context, but more the level of importance those cultural touchstones have for me at this point in time.

Then there was an actual messy queer relationship - this book highlights that we deserve representation across a variety of circumstances. Queer relationships do not have to be perfect, and our media should reflect that.

I also enjoyed the questions O’Connell poses in the way we view disability. I’ve been around different disabilities my whole life - as well as finding later in life diagnoses for myself - but it was so refreshing to read something that encouraged the reader to consider their own exposure to disability whilst presenting one example of what that might look like.

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qwertyqwerty's review against another edition

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funny fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

Decent book. Few audible laughs.

The intention was for us to appreciate the growth of the protagonist, however, the hurtful things he did weren't addressed nor resolved fully

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offbrandclubsoda's review against another edition

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challenging emotional reflective fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

This book had so much potential. As a Queer person with cerebral palsy, O’Connell captured parts of my experience beautifully: the internalized ableism, the subconscious desire to be objectified, the anger and resentment, the self destruction. While it was hard for me to read and sit with these parts, they were raw and honest and I appreciated that.

However, the plot ultimately fell flat for me. O’Connell did such a great job at setting the main character up as the “villain” but seemed to phone in the character arc. It felt like the majority of the book was spent develop the gritty, unlikeable parts of Elliott, only for him to wrap it all up in a couple of pages. Not to mention the glaring irony of River accusing Elliott of viewing him like a “manic pixie sex worker” only for Elliott to do EXACTLY THAT with Jonas. I’m sorry but Jonas really was a manic pixie crip character who served only to prop Elliott up. Elliott’s self reflection and ultimate growth came solely through his sexual and romantic connection with Jonas. I would have much preferred to see him achieve this on his own. Other disabled people are not here to serve as a mirror for your own ableism and self hatred!

I also took issue with the simplistic view of recovery. I think Elliott’s drinking problem was well-written and sheds light on a side of substance use that is often ignored, but the recovery aspect was so poorly done. This man really read one book about alcoholism and was cured.

This book also frustrated me because it was so similar to O’Connell’s memoir “I’m Special and Other Lies we Tell Ourselves. “ I don’t think many people read this book, and only know of O’Connell from the Netflix adaptation of the book, but let me tell you, “Just by Looking at Him” contains so many recycled jokes and plot points that it is essentially a memoir 2.0 written under the guise of fiction.

Finally, this is just my own personal taste, but I strongly disliked the writing style of the book. O’Connell tends to write as if he’s texting, which not only screams elder-millennial, but in my opinion, dilutes otherwise hard-hitting scenes.

Overall, this book feels like a first draft. I am excited to see my experience represented so accurately in O’Connell’s writing, but I think there is still a lot of work to do.

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george_tte's review

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funny reflective fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

I couldn't put this book down! It was funny, insightful, raw, and not afraid of taking things too far and showcasing messy as messy.

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alylentz's review against another edition

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emotional funny hopeful lighthearted reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

This is one of those books that is genuinely funny and then will hit you with something so emotional and insightful and few lines later. It was also great to read from a disabled perspective and still experience a really flawed, messy character. Highly recommend the audiobook as well--it's read by the author and adds a lot to the narrative voice.

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caseythereader's review against another edition

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dark emotional funny reflective fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

Thanks to Atria Books for the free copy of this book.

- JUST BY LOOKING AT HIM is at turns both hilarious and serious. It gives readers an unflinching look at Eliot's slide into self-hatred as he burns down his entire life piece by piece.
- I wish this book had leaned harder into the satire/absurd elements. It was there, particularly in the scenes at Eliot's job, but I don't think it went far enough.
- There were also a few passages where the main character just flat out stated the lessons learned or parallels drawn between incidents instead of trusting the reader to find it for themselves.
- All that said, I'm here for books about queer people being messy, terrible people. I'm interested to see what O'Connell writes next.

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thewordsdevourer's review

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emotional funny reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

*Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC

Funny yet subtly dark, Just By Looking at Him is a deep dive into the trials and triumphs of its queer disabled protagonist, whose memorably acerbic and hilarious narrative voice belies a lot of vulnerabilities, and a rare exploration of a severely underrepresented subject.

This book is messy because its main character Elliott is. Living a seemingly perfect life with a great career and stable long-term relationship, but when Elliott hires a sex worker, things gradually start to unravel and he has to come to terms with his shiny-surface life that belies a lifetime of unconscious self-hatred fueled by an ableist society. With this novel, O'Connell asks: how can Elliott not be, in his own words, "seven layers of fucked up" when that is the message society has been sending his cerebral palsy-having self all his life?

Although this book deals with quite a serious subject matter, it does it all with gusto and, most endearingly, hilarity. Elliott's narrative voice and inner monologue are endlessly hilarious even in serious moments (I lost count on how many times I LOL-ed and chuckled..), and this is hands down one of the funniest books I read so far this year.

What I most enjoy about Just By Looking at Him, however, is the character development and the accompanying emotional resonance that gradually crescendoes towards the end. This is especially particular to things revolving around Elliott and disability: his and others' relationship with it, his navigation around it, his feelings towards others with it; all of the aforementioned are nuanced and uncomfortable, and while reading, it is not only Elliott who comes to a realization, but the reader with their own unconscious bias as well.

Diverse books are great not because they are diverse, but what we learn and vicariously experience from said diversity, how our worldview is expanded yet its unconscious preconceptions and judgments also challenged. Such is the case with this book. There has been increasing representation particularly with race and gender, but disability - especially queer disability - is still overwhelmingly underrepresented. Reading this book, therefore, is a privilege, and I am very grateful to O'Connell for writing it.

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spookieboogie's review against another edition

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emotional funny reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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