Reviews

I always have a hard time rating memoirs, because who am I to judge somebody else’s lived experiences? Who am I to dictate how I feel about their trauma on a 5 star scale?
So - I won’t rate this one. I will say that as much as it hurt, it was also hopeful. I appreciated how vulnerable and honest Mark is as he works to love his wife and care for himself. I really like how there isn’t necessarily a happy or fulfilled ending to the story; it’s their life and they’re still walking through it. Relapses may still occur and tough conversations will happen, but through it all there is this steadfast love that is evident throughout this memoir that is so powerful, and it speaks to the truth that whatever comes their way, they will make it to the other side together.

merenr's review against another edition

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challenging emotional medium-paced

3.25

Lukach's writing is more descriptive than reflective, which isn't something I look for in a memoir. There is a lot of privilege that isn't ever acknowledged, and I'm not saying it has to be but it would have elevated this memoir to a new level if some of the writing went beyond writing about the experience itself. The reason I picked up this book was to get some wisdom on supporting someone in the psych ward, but I think I mostly got retriggered. Please take care if you're someone who's very affected by this topic.

Content Warnings

heyheyok's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

3.0

celestehhhh's review against another edition

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emotional inspiring sad fast-paced

5.0

Heartfelt, vulnerable, beautiful

purplepierogi's review against another edition

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3.0

not sure how to rate this one — this is one man’s experience, and in some sense, what more can you do than just tell your side of the story, lyrically and thoughtfully? this guy was shocked and bewildered, understandably, when his wife suffered a psychotic break and then a deep depression late in her 20s, after a fairytale romance and charmed existence. he details navigating hospitalization, medication, diagnoses, and in a personal level, renegotiating trust and boundaries and dealing with resentment. one thing that jumps out is how self-fixated he is — how this affects his life, how hard her condition has made it, though he recognizes it’s not her fault. but giving him the benefit of the doubt, sure, it’s his book, it’s going to be his perspective, and a lot of that perspective was not as empathetic as we would imagine ourselves to be in the situation. that being said, though, the guy gets a little repetitive, lol. tell me again how you love to surf everyday and how you grew up in Japan!

thinking about psychosis like this — wow. it truly is astounding the privileges this family had in treating their loved one — 3 month paid caretaking leave, to start; the insurance for long term medication and specialists; two sets of extremely involved parents (flying out from Japan and Italy every other week respectively to come and check in on him??); a nest egg that allowed unemployment and a rekindling-four-month-international-trip. and of course, what this book is about, the unconditional love of a partner sacrificing time and advocating on your behalf and staying even when it’s scary, literally taking care of you… man. I just wish everyone had that. And again, how can I criticize them for this? It’s their story. No spoilers but I’m glad they had resources.

we never really know what’s coming ( :/ ).. but it’s nice to see some love. even if this guy didn’t always get it and was condescending a bit!

chelseatm's review against another edition

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4.0

I thought this was a very good book. It told me a perspective I've never heard before - that of the observer of mental illness. The way he details his journey through discovering and living with mental illness while struggling with his inability to control it was powerful. I kept thinking how great this would be to read in tandem with Jenny Lawson's second book and How Can I Help by David Goldbloom.

Another thing I appreciated about the book was its honesty. The author, Lukach, never held back or tried to shine a positive light on himself. He was honest with all the ugly sides of himself while dealing with his wife's mental illness. But he was human and I found it easy to relate to his frustration, resentment, and desperation. I don't think I'd feel any differently if my partner were sick.

I think this is a very good memoir and I highly recommend it.

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