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redpineapple's review
4.0
I mainly read this book because I have been hearing about empathy for ages and I wanted to learn more about it.
As the title promises, the author shares research backed and business proven empathy code. The seven ways to become a more empathetic person are all simple techniques that make total sense and are worth learning about. The handy acronym EMPATHY makes it easy to remember and therefore apply.
The thing that stood out for me (and probably the most important lesson I will take out of this book) is the difference between sympathy and empathy as well as the importance of 'Your Response' while being empathetic.
An easy 3.5 stars from me.
I received a free copy from Netgalley. This doesn't affect my review in any way.
As the title promises, the author shares research backed and business proven empathy code. The seven ways to become a more empathetic person are all simple techniques that make total sense and are worth learning about. The handy acronym EMPATHY makes it easy to remember and therefore apply.
The thing that stood out for me (and probably the most important lesson I will take out of this book) is the difference between sympathy and empathy as well as the importance of 'Your Response' while being empathetic.
An easy 3.5 stars from me.
I received a free copy from Netgalley. This doesn't affect my review in any way.
jrc2011's review
5.0
A very thorough and enjoyable read that thoroughly covers many aspects of empathy, though the writing can be a bit rambling and overly conversational, which had merits – I stopped more frequently to digest the material than I would with a more structured writing style (and it took me much longer to read this book as a result).
The book begins with an overview of empathy as a term and dives deep into the neuroscience behind this hard-wired human trait. Empathy allows us to not just acknowledge/validate (sympathize) with someone else’s feelings, but to feel what they are feeling and relate to the experience of another person. The authors briefly touch on true empathy and misplaced or sham empathy, as well (ie, helicopter parents who are unable to bear any expression of perceived discomfort of their children).
Early in the book, we are presented with a 7-point tool for developing better empathy, called “E.M.P.A.T.H.Y.”
E for eye contact
M for muscle facial expression
P for posture
A for affect (emotions)
T for tone of voice
H for hearing the whole person
Y for your response
“With deep empathic listening comes an empathic response that starts on a physiological level because of our shared brain activity.”
This tool was tested out on physicians to help them better relate to patients and understand not just the “complaint” but the “concern” – resulting in greater patient satisfaction as well as more effective treatment by the physician.
The authors dive into childhood cognitive development and empathy, discuss parenting and empathy and the ways that parents provide a “mirror” to help children develop empathy and form secure attachments. Empathy in education is discussed – using as a case a “last resort” high school where staff are directed to use empathy and compassion, and failing or delinquent students are “punished” with study hall, counseling and support services. This made me consider the style of education in my experience where corporal punishment in the form of detention hall (sit straight, eyes forward, no sleeping, no eating, no talking, no moving, no studying/reading) was the first response to any infraction.
Learning and educational methods are critical for teenagers who learn best from “Project based learning” -- a great place to learn to collaborate, form relationships and absorb information by directly doing things. This leads into a discussion around the ways that new technologies – esp cell phones, Internet use – are changing our brains by developing habits that tap into primal responses and keeping us from being able to develop deeper relationships by depriving us of access to the emotional context of our interactions.
The authors also devote a substantial portion of the book to discussing the role of literature and art in providing opportunity for people to interpret and project what the artist (or subjects of the work) were thinking or feeling. “Art is incomplete without the perceptual and emotional involvement of the viewer.” Art allows (or even requires) us to move out of our own perspectives and open to other ways of perceiving or seeing the world.
“The power of art lies in its ability to stimulate both cognitive (thinking) and affective (feeling) empathy.”
From here, the authors examine leadership – and the ways that empathic leadership can change the brain chemistry of leaders and followers via an “interconnectedness of thoughts and feelings” that establishes a “social intelligence.” A good leader is pays attention to the health of her relationships with his constituents/followers and is able to create bonds that underlie a culture of trust and collaboration. Empathy is critical to this process.
There’s a bit of a ramble about the 2016 presidential election and the problems created and expressed by both major party candidates that resulted in manipulation into a false “in-group” and a sense of exclusion on either side. The remainder of the book reviews different responses to “out group” types, including homeless, the mentally ill, substance abusers, LGBTQ folks, etc.
The important takeaway here is that those times when you feel the least empathetic are critically important for you to be empathetic – and requires self-awareness, impulse control and self-examination feelings to determine what is blocking an empathic response.
Finally, there’s an entire chapter on self-empathy and mindfulness and the importance of this as a reflection on how you treat others. You treat others as you treat yourself – if you listen to the chatter in your brain (not all your thoughts are you) and have a harsh inner critic, that will result in similar approach or responses to others. From self-kindness springs empathy for others. This is an excellent lesson to keep!
NOTE: I received an advanced reader copy of this book from NetGalley.
The book begins with an overview of empathy as a term and dives deep into the neuroscience behind this hard-wired human trait. Empathy allows us to not just acknowledge/validate (sympathize) with someone else’s feelings, but to feel what they are feeling and relate to the experience of another person. The authors briefly touch on true empathy and misplaced or sham empathy, as well (ie, helicopter parents who are unable to bear any expression of perceived discomfort of their children).
Early in the book, we are presented with a 7-point tool for developing better empathy, called “E.M.P.A.T.H.Y.”
E for eye contact
M for muscle facial expression
P for posture
A for affect (emotions)
T for tone of voice
H for hearing the whole person
Y for your response
“With deep empathic listening comes an empathic response that starts on a physiological level because of our shared brain activity.”
This tool was tested out on physicians to help them better relate to patients and understand not just the “complaint” but the “concern” – resulting in greater patient satisfaction as well as more effective treatment by the physician.
The authors dive into childhood cognitive development and empathy, discuss parenting and empathy and the ways that parents provide a “mirror” to help children develop empathy and form secure attachments. Empathy in education is discussed – using as a case a “last resort” high school where staff are directed to use empathy and compassion, and failing or delinquent students are “punished” with study hall, counseling and support services. This made me consider the style of education in my experience where corporal punishment in the form of detention hall (sit straight, eyes forward, no sleeping, no eating, no talking, no moving, no studying/reading) was the first response to any infraction.
Learning and educational methods are critical for teenagers who learn best from “Project based learning” -- a great place to learn to collaborate, form relationships and absorb information by directly doing things. This leads into a discussion around the ways that new technologies – esp cell phones, Internet use – are changing our brains by developing habits that tap into primal responses and keeping us from being able to develop deeper relationships by depriving us of access to the emotional context of our interactions.
The authors also devote a substantial portion of the book to discussing the role of literature and art in providing opportunity for people to interpret and project what the artist (or subjects of the work) were thinking or feeling. “Art is incomplete without the perceptual and emotional involvement of the viewer.” Art allows (or even requires) us to move out of our own perspectives and open to other ways of perceiving or seeing the world.
“The power of art lies in its ability to stimulate both cognitive (thinking) and affective (feeling) empathy.”
From here, the authors examine leadership – and the ways that empathic leadership can change the brain chemistry of leaders and followers via an “interconnectedness of thoughts and feelings” that establishes a “social intelligence.” A good leader is pays attention to the health of her relationships with his constituents/followers and is able to create bonds that underlie a culture of trust and collaboration. Empathy is critical to this process.
There’s a bit of a ramble about the 2016 presidential election and the problems created and expressed by both major party candidates that resulted in manipulation into a false “in-group” and a sense of exclusion on either side. The remainder of the book reviews different responses to “out group” types, including homeless, the mentally ill, substance abusers, LGBTQ folks, etc.
The important takeaway here is that those times when you feel the least empathetic are critically important for you to be empathetic – and requires self-awareness, impulse control and self-examination feelings to determine what is blocking an empathic response.
Finally, there’s an entire chapter on self-empathy and mindfulness and the importance of this as a reflection on how you treat others. You treat others as you treat yourself – if you listen to the chatter in your brain (not all your thoughts are you) and have a harsh inner critic, that will result in similar approach or responses to others. From self-kindness springs empathy for others. This is an excellent lesson to keep!
NOTE: I received an advanced reader copy of this book from NetGalley.
laffingkat's review against another edition
4.0
After reading this book, I have a better understanding of empathy, or what the author prefers to call our empathic capacity. I appreciated learning about the different components of empathy and what factors affect how our empathic capacity fluctuates over time. There was a lot of interesting information for those wanting to understand different aspects of empathy. However, I wish there had been a chapter or appendix specifically devoted to what I need to do to improve my empathy, or perhaps a section at the end of each chapter summarizing recommended actions. Dr. Reiss does present her E.M.P.A.T.H.Y. tool, and there are some tips that can be gleaned throughout the text, but this is not primarily a self-help book.
There were interesting chapters on empathy in education, empathy online, and empathy in politics, as well as some discussions of empathy in healthcare. I would like to commend the author particularly for her balanced discussion in the politics chapter (she comments on the lack of empathy shown by members of both major parties). My favorite section was probably the chapter on self-empathy.
I appreciate that Dr. Reiss provided many references for each chapter, although in the ARC I reviewed, there were no notes or citations in the text, so it was often difficult to find the relevant reference. For example, when the author stated that studies have shown “there is an inverse relationship between power and empathy,” I would have loved to see the specific citations so it would be easier for me to review those studies to learn more. That problem may have been corrected in the published version.
I would recommend this book for those with an interest in psychology or neuroscience.
I was provided an unproofed ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review. Because I have not seen the final published version, I cannot comment on the final editing and formatting.
There were interesting chapters on empathy in education, empathy online, and empathy in politics, as well as some discussions of empathy in healthcare. I would like to commend the author particularly for her balanced discussion in the politics chapter (she comments on the lack of empathy shown by members of both major parties). My favorite section was probably the chapter on self-empathy.
I appreciate that Dr. Reiss provided many references for each chapter, although in the ARC I reviewed, there were no notes or citations in the text, so it was often difficult to find the relevant reference. For example, when the author stated that studies have shown “there is an inverse relationship between power and empathy,” I would have loved to see the specific citations so it would be easier for me to review those studies to learn more. That problem may have been corrected in the published version.
I would recommend this book for those with an interest in psychology or neuroscience.
I was provided an unproofed ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review. Because I have not seen the final published version, I cannot comment on the final editing and formatting.
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