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lyxele's review
4.0
Wow, I just finished this book and I'm not sure how to articulate everything that I'm feeling and thinking about. For the moment, I'll just say that this book is a must read. Even though I disagree with several of the things she says, I believe that this book is a wonderful way of opening up reflexion and discussion on the way we interact with others as individuals, or groups.
tildahlia's review
5.0
Schulman essentially posits the theory that we are increasingly conflating conflict and abuse and overstating harm in discourse/public policy in ways that fracture communities and, in some instances, provide 'justification' for the oppression of marginalised groups. It's a useful lens, which I was able to apply to the recent Jameela Jamil saga, where she essentially implied that sections of the LGBTIQ+ community (read: black, trans women) 'bullied' her into coming out as queer to demonstrate her suitability to host a show on vogueing. This represents a classic overstatement of harm to stifle genuine discussion, rather than taking the time to engage with the critique and reflect (also she totally missed the point as being queer in and of itself didn't really change the critique but anyway...).
This book helped clarify my thinking a lot about online discourse in left-wing circles - particularly the dynamics that underpin unhelpful manifestations of 'cancel culture' and limit productive discussion and growth in communities in favour of performative wokeness or groupthink. Schulman applies her theory to various global settings, including HIV criminalisation and the oppression of Palestine, which I found more compelling than the more individual examples she drew from relationships in her personal social circles. Some parts better than others, but overall it got me thinking.
This book helped clarify my thinking a lot about online discourse in left-wing circles - particularly the dynamics that underpin unhelpful manifestations of 'cancel culture' and limit productive discussion and growth in communities in favour of performative wokeness or groupthink. Schulman applies her theory to various global settings, including HIV criminalisation and the oppression of Palestine, which I found more compelling than the more individual examples she drew from relationships in her personal social circles. Some parts better than others, but overall it got me thinking.
marireadstoomuch's review
challenging
informative
reflective
sad
slow-paced
4.5
Equal parts enlightening, challenging, and inspiring of growth on a personal level, and useful (in terms of providing linguistic descriptors for Israel’s actions against Palestine) and depressing (in the very literal echoes from when it was written to present day) on the larger, state level.
ell_jay_em7's review
3.0
I found the CONCEPTS of this book very helpful and the execution/explication of the concepts very problematic. The author comes off as glib and dismissing of trauma and doesn't fully recognize, for example, the inherent violence of whiteness as a construct, from which no white person is exempt (she makes a claim at one point to have never been violent towards anyone, whereas I've often heard from black organizers that it's important to acknowledge the violence of being a bystander in the face of oppression, or of being ignorant, or of being silent).
The concept I found most helpful was the idea that we believe in our culture that we only deserve compassion if we are entirely blameless victims. That's an example of how the ideas are illuminating, though her detailed explanations of them are fraught.
The concept I found most helpful was the idea that we believe in our culture that we only deserve compassion if we are entirely blameless victims. That's an example of how the ideas are illuminating, though her detailed explanations of them are fraught.
winesharksea's review
3.0
I think a lot of valid and interesting points were made throughout the book, and it effectively underlined the difficult but crucial responsibilities of being an individual and a member of society, as well as drawing important distinctions between conflict and abuse and how the former becomes defined as the latter, but other sections concerned me. There’s a line in part one about how you can't just drop by unannounced anymore to resolve a conflict, which... yeah, good! I don't find it abusive or wrong to want space or distance from someone you are in conflict with, even temporarily. Defining the decision to go no contact as a kind of 'shunning' gives way too much credit to the injurious party and places far too much on the shoulders of the person trying to escape that environment, in my opinion. You are not required to hash out grievances with people who have repeatedly hurt you and make no concrete efforts to alter their behavior. It is important to understand the underlying psychology of abusers and challenge the systems which enable their behavior, but at a certain point the people they have abused deserve justice and personal accountability, and if they don't want to open a dialogue with someone who has abused them, they shouldn't have to.
I also find it kind of strange to feel entitled to a lengthy heart-to-heart from transitory people in your life. The person you are flirting with who does not return your affections is not obligated to be a guiding star on your journey to enlightenment or self-actualization, and the paragraph about how 'sometimes you say no but mean yes but you can't vocalize it due to xyz' is... disturbing to me given the frequency with which assaulters use similar logic to justify actual abuse.
I also find it kind of strange to feel entitled to a lengthy heart-to-heart from transitory people in your life. The person you are flirting with who does not return your affections is not obligated to be a guiding star on your journey to enlightenment or self-actualization, and the paragraph about how 'sometimes you say no but mean yes but you can't vocalize it due to xyz' is... disturbing to me given the frequency with which assaulters use similar logic to justify actual abuse.
cranberryplains's review
3.0
A number of fantastic chapters, marred by a few which stray far from the core message. As repugnant as Israel's apartheid state is and as tied its existence is to toxic, unreflective group dynamics in the national psyche, I don't need to read over a dozen pages of the author's Facebook arguments about the 2014 Gaza War.