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3.57 AVERAGE
3.57 AVERAGE
This book wasn’t bad, per say. But it definitely wasn’t the best thing I’ve read this year. I loved the overall premise and really love the representation. BUT. The relationship between the characters didn’t feel fleshed out. And the male love interest honestly didn’t grab my attention. He also creeped me out a bit a first, honestly. But I did enjoy the book, just doing think I would read it again.
3.5 stars!
Where’s the angst??
I’m not really the biggest fan of insta-love, and this was that x10. WHEW.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing, because regardless, I enjoyed it! My brain wasn’t working overtime to figure out how these two were going to make it out at the end, they just happened to make it smoothly!
But in this, a lot was brought up and then glossed over and of course, our conflict was resolved within a snap of some fingers. I honestly wondered why there even was one in the first place.
Alas, I really did enjoy this more than I thought I would and also, there’s a ton of sex in this?? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?? Like, 80% sex and 20% story. Some of it was a *little* cringe, but most of it had me blushing like a slut BLESS.
Where’s the angst??
I’m not really the biggest fan of insta-love, and this was that x10. WHEW.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing, because regardless, I enjoyed it! My brain wasn’t working overtime to figure out how these two were going to make it out at the end, they just happened to make it smoothly!
But in this, a lot was brought up and then glossed over and of course, our conflict was resolved within a snap of some fingers. I honestly wondered why there even was one in the first place.
Alas, I really did enjoy this more than I thought I would and also, there’s a ton of sex in this?? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?? Like, 80% sex and 20% story. Some of it was a *little* cringe, but most of it had me blushing like a slut BLESS.
informative
lighthearted
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
lighthearted
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
No
This book had some problems for me, but the disabled representation was such a relief. As a disabled writer and reader, I love to see good disability rep from openly disabled writers! This book hit a lot of my happy-buttons, especially getting to see a fantasy of a nondisabled person responding to inaccessibility with a sledgehammer and no hesitation . I loved the emphasis on negotiation and frank, practical conversations around needs and health boundaries, like washing hands before sex to reduce risk of infections. I loved that showing a disabled woman being sexual AND an expert in sex education, is a fantastic way to fight ableism.
I have two main frustrations with this book, and they are why I only recommend it with caveats. (Apparently the spoiler tags do weird things with bullet points, sorry about that.)
I have two main frustrations with this book, and they are why I only recommend it with caveats. (Apparently the spoiler tags do weird things with bullet points, sorry about that.)
Re-negotiating consent mid-scene to satisfy a romance trope. - This is especially important because there is some significant overlap between the disabled sexual experience and the kinky sexual experience:
- Both disabled sex and kinky sex rely a LOT on communication, negotiation, keeping a curious and open mindset, being able to stop quickly at any point, and most importantly, being aware of the body and its needs to find our way to consent.
- That last part about consent is especially vital when disabled people are constantly being touched, moved, picked up, and handled without our consent. Personal space violations are a constant reality, from the necessity of caretaking, but unfortunately, also from strangers. It shouldn't be rare for people to ask permission before touching us, and yet.
- It's also important because the ableism of a society that wants us to be inspiration porn encourages us at every turn to ignore pain cues, to ignore our bodies' needs, to ignore our disabilities in the name of abled comfort. It's taken me 3.5 years of EMDR therapy to learn how to stop ignoring my body. It is HARD to regain awareness, it is HARD to trust it. And it's even HARDER when others don't listen or take us seriously.
- For the record, I think the book's premise of a disabled sex educator is really cool and has a ton of potential for all of these reasons.
- The author set this whole book up with role models who are authority figures in their communities, a sexologist and a kink educator, and that means readers are going to look at them as giving the gospel truth.
- So it was HUGELY disappointing when the author decided consent and role modeling a good scene was LESS important than using the romance trope (I'm sure there's a name for this) of "we're TOO passionate, TOO in love, we cannot control ourselves and that's how the reader knows it's REAL!"
- So they've just negotiated their consent, their boundaries, they enter the scene and now that they're not thinking clearly, those boundaries are suddenly flexible. No. NO. SERIOUSLY, NO.
- Is it true that lots of people make a mistake like this, especially when starting out? Of course!
- Is it true that lots of people make a decision like this, especially when they're experienced? YES! But re-negotiating mid-scene is an advanced skill for experienced people who have lots of practice and history with that specific partner, and ideally, those specific acts. NOT with some new person, doing new things, that you are not familiar with, in a higher risk situation that could cause health problems if done wrong.
- I was so disappointed and angered by this that I stopped reading the book for a while. It made me wonder if the author had gotten any kind of sensitivity read from anyone in the kink community, and if she got bad advice or ignored good advice.
- I think the damage done by this scene to real people who read this and think it's okay, might've been mitigated if they'd discussed it after the scene, which is a good practice anyway for both people with disabilities and people into kink. (What worked? What didn't? What would we do differently next time?) It would've shown readers that even experts get carried away, make mistakes, but re-negotiating boundaries mid scene while emotions and hormones are high, and people are *VULNERABLE* is not a good idea.
- This is especially important because there is some significant overlap between the disabled sexual experience and the kinky sexual experience:
-
The protagonist finally letting herself be carried as part of a character arc - When a friend pointed this out to me, I was so angry and disappointed. I felt a little weird about it while reading, but was already to the point where I just wanted to finish the book and move on. But looking back, I find it kind of messed up.
- The book establishes that the protagonist does not want to be carried anywhere. If there's no ramp, then it's not a place she can enter. The book reinforces this.
- I liked that, because it's a common boundary to have for health, safety, and dignity. Nondisabled folks like to think that they can solve the problem of ableist architecture by picking up a disabled person from their wheelchair and carrying them like a child or an object up the stairs/obstacle, even when we are actively saying "NO. Stop. Put me down NOW." This is degrading and humiliating at best and dangerous at worst. There are many health conditions that could be impacted by this. I won't go into details, but my own fragile skeleton means that this would cause me months or years or a lifetime of health problems. And like many disabled people, I can't afford a lawyer to sue to cover the medical bills.
- The book then undermines the main character's boundary around this by having her change her mind as part of her character growth. Him carrying her at the end is part of the romantic fantasy of true love, and apparently her willingness to let go of her independence?
- Like, TRUST ME, I get it that romantic partnerships mean learning to be interdependent with one another. I know better than most that hyper-independence is often a trauma response and that it's painfully common for disabled people. It's a form of internalized ableism that I have struggled with too in my life. But DAMN.
- Pick some form of hyper-independence that's unreasonable and unhealthy, and show character growth with that. Don't choose something that disabled people are constantly having forced upon us against our will, and then showing us to be unreasonable when we don't want it. Fuck that.
- Especially when disabled people can't trust nondisabled people to listen to us when we say NO. A common form of ableism is infantilizing disabled people, not taking us seriously, not trusting us to be accurate in experiencing or explaining or directing our own lives. So any story that might lead a nondisabled person to think "oh, so when someone in a wheelchair refuses to be carried, that is her being unreasonable and she needs to grow up" is part of the problem.
And that's really important when there are so FEW fiction books out there with disabled main characters, and this one will be taken as the gospel truth because it's written by a disabled author.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism, Emotional abuse, Sexual content
Moderate: Chronic illness, Cursing, Infidelity, Toxic relationship, Gaslighting, Abandonment, Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Addiction, Alcoholism, Cancer, Vomit, Medical content, Alcohol
The story
Frankie lives in a small town but has a big life. She uses a pink wheelchair, has pink hair and surrounds herself with light and colour. She is a psychologist specialising in sexuality, a sexologist and hosts a podcast called All Access, that deals with life with a disability. When a listener asks her about accessible rope play, she investigates and finds a local instructor. But Jay soon feels like more than a neutral participant in her podcast.
My thoughts
Firstly, I pre-ordered this book last year, and it’s been waiting to be read for months and months…. ouch. This story explores wheelchair use, the effects of childhood cancer, podcasting, rope play (I had to go Google shibari to picture the visuals) all wrapped up in a particularly steamy story. It’s an incredibly powerful eye-opener but also a really interesting take on accepting your limitations- physical and emotional - and taking joy from things that give you pleasure, dealing with support through the hard times. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Frankie lives in a small town but has a big life. She uses a pink wheelchair, has pink hair and surrounds herself with light and colour. She is a psychologist specialising in sexuality, a sexologist and hosts a podcast called All Access, that deals with life with a disability. When a listener asks her about accessible rope play, she investigates and finds a local instructor. But Jay soon feels like more than a neutral participant in her podcast.
My thoughts
Firstly, I pre-ordered this book last year, and it’s been waiting to be read for months and months…. ouch. This story explores wheelchair use, the effects of childhood cancer, podcasting, rope play (I had to go Google shibari to picture the visuals) all wrapped up in a particularly steamy story. It’s an incredibly powerful eye-opener but also a really interesting take on accepting your limitations- physical and emotional - and taking joy from things that give you pleasure, dealing with support through the hard times. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm always so exited when I see disability rep and that is actually the only thing this book has going for itself. The rest was just... horrible. The grand gesture was just gross like bro she is at a huge career event sit down!
informative
inspiring
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes