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midwifereading's review against another edition
3.0
I wanted to resonate with this book. I did learn some things, apply some of the knowledge, and I think I gained overall. Maybe I am just not ready for it yet?
Will probably re-read in the future.
Will probably re-read in the future.
mortaldivergence's review against another edition
4.0
"Change doesn't require heroics. Change begins when we practice ordinary courage."
This was a very interesting read!
This was a very interesting read!
maddiebo97's review against another edition
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
4.25
dharma130's review against another edition
3.0
I found the book easy to follow, and it had good advice in it. Then it lost steam for me the last two-thirds of the book.
eschroeder's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
definitely thought provoking and a good introduction to thinking about the effects of shame and the best methods of counteracting it. i don’t know if i agreed with all of her theories and i know it was meant to be relatable but i think i’d have liked it to be a bit more academic in some ways.
dorhastings's review
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.75
How this book found its way to my TBR: The StoryGraph's Genre Challenge 2024, a nonfiction book about psychology. I'm sad that it took me this long to read some of Brown's work, but I'm glad I read it and was delighted to discuss it a little with Allison.
Brown is a sociologist specializing in shame research (I'd never heard of this type of researcher before, but that's me learning about all types of researchers), and though she does not explicitly focus on women, she does in this book. She defines shame and does so in a way that makes it distinct from concepts like guilt and embarrassment. In my own words: she articulates that shame happens when we internalize negative beliefs about ourselves in such a way that there is no way to change or grow. Rather, our defects seem to just be part of our very nature. Brown argues that while other people in our lives might think that shaming us will encourage us to change, that's just not possible, because when we feel shame, we feel inherently fixed in our defectiveness. Through her research, which includes in-depth interviews and focus groups with multiple people (sometimes with several sessions and workshops with the same people), she comes to her concept of shame resilience. It's unfortunately not possible to become completely immune to feeling shame. What's important is to recognize the shame for what it is, identify, where the shame is coming from, and have a positive network of behaviors and people to support you. A person can only do this if they try to foster empathy, courage, and compassion for themselves and for others.
I appreciated several factors in this book. For one, Brown identified the six categories that often came up in her interviews. They include: motherhood, parenting, appearance, and aging. She gives clear examples from all of these categories from her interviews; I really like that she shares the words and stories of her participants. After all, one of the aspects of shame resilience is to have courage and share your story. Another factor that I really liked about this book is the author's own vulnerability; she provides multiple examples throughout the book in a way that sheds light on shame and her own thought processes. I didn't especially identify too much with the research, but I'm sure I will at some point. I found the writing to be really easy to read and engaging. I'll definitely read more of Brown's work.
Brown is a sociologist specializing in shame research (I'd never heard of this type of researcher before, but that's me learning about all types of researchers), and though she does not explicitly focus on women, she does in this book. She defines shame and does so in a way that makes it distinct from concepts like guilt and embarrassment. In my own words: she articulates that shame happens when we internalize negative beliefs about ourselves in such a way that there is no way to change or grow. Rather, our defects seem to just be part of our very nature. Brown argues that while other people in our lives might think that shaming us will encourage us to change, that's just not possible, because when we feel shame, we feel inherently fixed in our defectiveness. Through her research, which includes in-depth interviews and focus groups with multiple people (sometimes with several sessions and workshops with the same people), she comes to her concept of shame resilience. It's unfortunately not possible to become completely immune to feeling shame. What's important is to recognize the shame for what it is, identify, where the shame is coming from, and have a positive network of behaviors and people to support you. A person can only do this if they try to foster empathy, courage, and compassion for themselves and for others.
I appreciated several factors in this book. For one, Brown identified the six categories that often came up in her interviews. They include: motherhood, parenting, appearance, and aging. She gives clear examples from all of these categories from her interviews; I really like that she shares the words and stories of her participants. After all, one of the aspects of shame resilience is to have courage and share your story. Another factor that I really liked about this book is the author's own vulnerability; she provides multiple examples throughout the book in a way that sheds light on shame and her own thought processes. I didn't especially identify too much with the research, but I'm sure I will at some point. I found the writing to be really easy to read and engaging. I'll definitely read more of Brown's work.
sawthisdidthat's review against another edition
3.0
I agree with Jess’ 4 ⭐️ review and Meghan’s 2 ⭐️ review so splitting the difference with 3 ⭐️.
This book didn’t get super deep and also seemed to be more surface-level type shame than more complicated issues (they’re touched on occasionally but don’t go too far). I would have liked more concrete examples on what to do about feelings of shame when individuals experience them and how we can focus on preventing shaming others. There were also portions of the book where the shaming example could have been someone trying to be positive, and there was no comment on that concept. Impact is always more important than intent, but intent is still important if shaming wasn’t the intent. Like other commenters, would have liked to see more than middle class white women represented - and the last chapter on men was good but also kind of obvious to anyone paying attention to modern American culture in the slightest.
This book didn’t get super deep and also seemed to be more surface-level type shame than more complicated issues (they’re touched on occasionally but don’t go too far). I would have liked more concrete examples on what to do about feelings of shame when individuals experience them and how we can focus on preventing shaming others. There were also portions of the book where the shaming example could have been someone trying to be positive, and there was no comment on that concept. Impact is always more important than intent, but intent is still important if shaming wasn’t the intent. Like other commenters, would have liked to see more than middle class white women represented - and the last chapter on men was good but also kind of obvious to anyone paying attention to modern American culture in the slightest.
sara_lew's review against another edition
It’s her early work and it focuses on the lives of a few white American middle class women contending with their vulnerabilities. I think she’s come a long way since then and would recommend starting with The Gifts of Imperfection.
kpbake427's review against another edition
4.0
I still have a long way to go with recognizing and working through shame, but this research has given me a beautiful starting point.