Take a photo of a barcode or cover
Reviews
Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self by Elan Golomb
g33klibrarian's review against another edition
5.0
I think the book was really well written and kept the readers interest throughout. Good examples and discussions of cooping mechanism for those who had narcissistic parents.
kbirdy's review against another edition
2.0
The first half was great with a lot of relevant clinical info for mental health professionals and adult children of narcissists. The things I appreciated about the first half was having a better understanding of the family dynamics that occur when one parent is the narcissist, why there seems to be a golden child and passive coparent that aren’t as entwined with the dysfunctional parent and how and why narcissistic rage develop. This can be especially helpful in cases of complex PTSD or if we are seeing features of borderline personality disorder yet know there was significant trauma and dysfunction behind the scenes.
The case studies, while interesting, were also uncomfortable solely because she was not a clinician describing cases (you may think that’s the case because of Golomb’s doctorate in clinical psychology) but the case studies are her personal friends! This is unethical and biased in itself. If they were individuals that she had been doing psychotherapy work with I think there would have been more for the reader to gain, but instead the “case reports” aka narratives felt gossipy and speculative at best.
The case studies, while interesting, were also uncomfortable solely because she was not a clinician describing cases (you may think that’s the case because of Golomb’s doctorate in clinical psychology) but the case studies are her personal friends! This is unethical and biased in itself. If they were individuals that she had been doing psychotherapy work with I think there would have been more for the reader to gain, but instead the “case reports” aka narratives felt gossipy and speculative at best.
kt122's review against another edition
1.0
Just a bunch a chapters about various "patients" of this psychotherapist. I don't like that style in psychology books-- it seems phony. In this case it's also narcissistic--one is about the author herself. Few insights. There are plenty of better books on the subject out there. This one is NOT worth it.
NB: the Goodreads' description bears virtually no resemblance to this book.
NB: the Goodreads' description bears virtually no resemblance to this book.
juanpablo_85's review against another edition
2.0
It's an okay book. Minimally informative. It is relatable in regards to specific aspects of experiences described but the author's style is what I question. The approach is cold & lacks compassion. In some instances it seems as if they have disdain for the victims. I doubt I'd recommend it. Probably better resources out there.
_spacerat's review against another edition
2.0
Technically, this is a lie. I didn't finish reading this book, but nevertheless I was finished with it.
At first, "Trapped in the Mirror" offers lots of hard hitting stories and reflections. However, roughly 100 pages in and the author starts describing a situation where a woman thought she was a lesbian but turned out not to be.
"Lesbianism can be a healthy sexual choice or the result of deprivation." (p. 99)
Dang, this book is showing its age.
I decided to let that slide; take what works and ignore the rest. However, the rest became extremely hard to ignore. Ahem:
"In our culture, the father defines the female role." (p. 102)
"As her mother's possession, she was not to have the pleasure of men. This is one of the foundations of lesbianism. Being raised by an emotionally withholding mother who turned her from men also led her to seek the love of women." (p. 102)
The point where I was officially done was on page 109: "Homosexuality can be a neurotic sexual choice but it doesn't have to be."
This book is a product of its time, but there are better books out there that deal with familial trauma or narcissism without making inaccurate pseudo-Freudian comments about someone not being heterosexual.
At first, "Trapped in the Mirror" offers lots of hard hitting stories and reflections. However, roughly 100 pages in and the author starts describing a situation where a woman thought she was a lesbian but turned out not to be.
"Lesbianism can be a healthy sexual choice or the result of deprivation." (p. 99)
Dang, this book is showing its age.
I decided to let that slide; take what works and ignore the rest. However, the rest became extremely hard to ignore. Ahem:
"In our culture, the father defines the female role." (p. 102)
"As her mother's possession, she was not to have the pleasure of men. This is one of the foundations of lesbianism. Being raised by an emotionally withholding mother who turned her from men also led her to seek the love of women." (p. 102)
The point where I was officially done was on page 109: "Homosexuality can be a neurotic sexual choice but it doesn't have to be."
This book is a product of its time, but there are better books out there that deal with familial trauma or narcissism without making inaccurate pseudo-Freudian comments about someone not being heterosexual.
laurentastic's review against another edition
1.0
While you’ll find the occasional insight in this book, they are few and far between, and aren’t anything you couldn’t find in the multiplicity of online support groups for survivors of abusive parents. Further, these insights are buried so far beneath sedimentary layers of bad clinical practice, conjecture, countertransference, and bigotry (racism, homophobia/transphobia, fatphobia, sex-negativity), that it’s not worth the time or energy to read the book and unearth them. As a mental health professional, I found this book genuinely disturbing. Not only were Holcomb’s personal issues and beliefs problematic and unbecoming in a personal and professional sense, the book was riddled with factual errors and appeared to endorse numerous clinical practices that were questionable at best, downright unethical at worst.
So, if you’re interested in slogging through a therapist’s adventures in poor professional boundaries, countertransference, and self-indulgent bullshit more generally, go for it. If you’re looking for useful advice on dealing with a toxic parent, here’s mine: cut them off and don’t look back. The only thing you’ll regret is not doing it sooner. See a licensed therapist to help with the process if you need to.
So, if you’re interested in slogging through a therapist’s adventures in poor professional boundaries, countertransference, and self-indulgent bullshit more generally, go for it. If you’re looking for useful advice on dealing with a toxic parent, here’s mine: cut them off and don’t look back. The only thing you’ll regret is not doing it sooner. See a licensed therapist to help with the process if you need to.
jameslucpicante's review
If I was Dolores I would not be friends with this author anymore
sloanhepler_'s review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
mysterious
slow-paced
3.5
farrahrotman's review against another edition
2.0
there’s some good, useful stuff in here. it is mostly overshadowed by its author’s mile-wide blind spot for her own profound narcissism. she seems to endow every aspect of her personal interactions with emotional heft that just isn’t there. her self obsession is enough to instill in the reader a sense of distrust that is hard to shake. even still, i managed to pull some meaning and evaluate my own childhood through the more illuminating passages. maybe my review is a little low considering that i found many parts of the book helpful and provocative, in a good way. but i just can’t abide the unchecked narcissism of its author. curious readers will find much more value in alice miller’s “drama of the gifted child,” a book that is less than half as long and ten trillion times more insightful. i hope to never meet Golomb, but i fear someday she may draw me into an unwanted conversation at a coffee shop or something, as deluded narcissists are prone to do.