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4.2 AVERAGE
4.2 AVERAGE
dark
sad
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Plot
Strong character development:
No
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
dark
emotional
sad
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Pedophilia, Sexual assault, Suicide
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Rape
Coercive control and grooming TW
Girl is so grown and still didn’t see it was fucked up? I get there is trauma and stuff but how blind do you have to be to see a 14-16 year old with a like 30-40 year old man is normal? Idk man that’s the only thing that bugged me, that she was so stubborn about the relationship being normal
challenging
dark
emotional
sad
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
POSSIBLE SPOILERS:
This book was so hard to read even tho it took me a little less that twenty four hours to finish. It filled me with so much rage I had to close my reading app so many times to distract myself from the story, from the anger that was boiling inside of me.
I am currently laying in my bed, surrounded by the darkness of my parents's living room, phone in shaking hands, my mind haunted by a single question, I can't seem to find the answer to: "Who is it exactly that I am so angry at?" Is it Strane, the forty-two year old teacher Vanessa had an affair with, or Nessa herself? The obvious answer should be that I am angry at him. After all she was only fifteen years old at the time, when all that between them started happening. She was just a naive girl, made feel special by a forty-two year old man, who clearly took advantage of her, gaslight her, manipulated her, made her think she's in control, that he would never hurt her, would never do anything to her she doesn't want. He keeps telling her how it's important to him that she tells him yes, she wants it, but ignores her when she clearly refuses him.
Obviously, I shouldn't be mad at Vanessa. She was just a fifteen year old girl, she was just a naive girl, made feel special by a predator, a pedophile. I can understand why she refused to believe it was abuse, after all that he told her, after all the times he reassured her it was consentual. And still, there are so many times when she realizes that what he's doing is wrong
"But I’m not brave enough to say any of this—not even that
I feel sick to my stomach when I think about him guiding my hand to his penis and don’t understand why he didn’t stop when
I started to cry. That the thought I want to go home ran through my head the entire time we first did it."
"I start crying, really crying—still, he
doesn’t stop.", all the times they had sex and she "left her body", the times she told him no, but he did it anyways, and yet, she kept lying to herself, because he loved her so much, so to think of it as abuse is absurd.
Now, after some thinking and staring at the wall, I realise I am not actually angry at Vanessa. I am hurt, I am bleeding for her, my heart breaking alongside hers. I am not angry at hurt, I just want to go there, snatch her from his dirty arms and hug her, protect her from him, from everyone and everything. I want to keep her safe. I want to yell at him, to slap him, to bring him back to life and kill him myself. I want to hurt him the way he hurt her. I want him to suffer more than he already did, I want to see him in agonizing pain.
I think that answers my own question. There were so many other points I wanted to make in this review, so many thoughts in my head I can't put into words. All I can focus on and talk about is the rage I feel towards him and all men like him. Monsters that only know how to take advantage of innocent girls and women that deserve so much better. I'm angry at the world for letting all that happen.
I have so much more to say, but for the sake of my own mental health, I will stop here. I am not sure if I recommend this book, it is really good, but the topic is harsh, so read it at your own risk.
This book was so hard to read even tho it took me a little less that twenty four hours to finish. It filled me with so much rage I had to close my reading app so many times to distract myself from the story, from the anger that was boiling inside of me.
I am currently laying in my bed, surrounded by the darkness of my parents's living room, phone in shaking hands, my mind haunted by a single question, I can't seem to find the answer to: "Who is it exactly that I am so angry at?" Is it Strane, the forty-two year old teacher Vanessa had an affair with, or Nessa herself? The obvious answer should be that I am angry at him. After all she was only fifteen years old at the time, when all that between them started happening. She was just a naive girl, made feel special by a forty-two year old man, who clearly took advantage of her, gaslight her, manipulated her, made her think she's in control, that he would never hurt her, would never do anything to her she doesn't want. He keeps telling her how it's important to him that she tells him yes, she wants it, but ignores her when she clearly refuses him.
Obviously, I shouldn't be mad at Vanessa. She was just a fifteen year old girl, she was just a naive girl, made feel special by a predator, a pedophile. I can understand why she refused to believe it was abuse, after all that he told her, after all the times he reassured her it was consentual. And still, there are so many times when she realizes that what he's doing is wrong
"But I’m not brave enough to say any of this—not even that
I feel sick to my stomach when I think about him guiding my hand to his penis and don’t understand why he didn’t stop when
I started to cry. That the thought I want to go home ran through my head the entire time we first did it."
"I start crying, really crying—still, he
doesn’t stop.", all the times they had sex and she "left her body", the times she told him no, but he did it anyways, and yet, she kept lying to herself, because he loved her so much, so to think of it as abuse is absurd.
Now, after some thinking and staring at the wall, I realise I am not actually angry at Vanessa. I am hurt, I am bleeding for her, my heart breaking alongside hers. I am not angry at hurt, I just want to go there, snatch her from his dirty arms and hug her, protect her from him, from everyone and everything. I want to keep her safe. I want to yell at him, to slap him, to bring him back to life and kill him myself. I want to hurt him the way he hurt her. I want him to suffer more than he already did, I want to see him in agonizing pain.
I think that answers my own question. There were so many other points I wanted to make in this review, so many thoughts in my head I can't put into words. All I can focus on and talk about is the rage I feel towards him and all men like him. Monsters that only know how to take advantage of innocent girls and women that deserve so much better. I'm angry at the world for letting all that happen.
I have so much more to say, but for the sake of my own mental health, I will stop here. I am not sure if I recommend this book, it is really good, but the topic is harsh, so read it at your own risk.
I always struggle rating books with subject matter like the one in this book. It was so hard to read but hard to put down.
dark
emotional
sad
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Angst all throughout, steer clear if you want a light-hearted read
There were some scenes that were very difficult to read, but it gets me thinking how that's the point, and my heart went out to Vanessa.
Throughout , I found myself unconsciously thinking how selfish Vanessa was for refusing to share her story, but as this thing goes on you get to understand her point of view and I stood corrected: it's her story and she shares it to whoever she wants, there is no obligation.
Amazing read, I went from casually reading in my down-time to reading obsessively in the blink of an eye
There were some scenes that were very difficult to read, but it gets me thinking how that's the point, and my heart went out to Vanessa.
Throughout , I found myself unconsciously thinking how selfish Vanessa was for refusing to share her story, but as this thing goes on you get to understand her point of view and I stood corrected: it's her story and she shares it to whoever she wants, there is no obligation.
Amazing read, I went from casually reading in my down-time to reading obsessively in the blink of an eye
Content Warnings
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, Sexual harassment
Not to make light of trauma, but who traumatized who in the writing and reading of this novel?
Never has a book frustrated me as much as this one—and I don't mean that in a bad way. Russell brilliantly recreates teenage angst and despondency, as well as the realities and alternate experiences of abuse.
At first, Venessa's petulance was relatable and understandable, but then, page by page, it nearly became unbearable. Yet, Vanessa is unpacked beautifully in the reflections of other characters, especially as she grows up.
On a craft level, the writing was beautiful, and every moment of dialogue was necessary.
Will I ever reread this? Probably not. But with that said, there are descriptions and scenes in this book that will stay with me for a long time.
Never has a book frustrated me as much as this one—and I don't mean that in a bad way. Russell brilliantly recreates teenage angst and despondency, as well as the realities and alternate experiences of abuse.
At first, Venessa's petulance was relatable and understandable, but then, page by page, it nearly became unbearable. Yet, Vanessa is unpacked beautifully in the reflections of other characters, especially as she grows up.
On a craft level, the writing was beautiful, and every moment of dialogue was necessary.
Will I ever reread this? Probably not. But with that said, there are descriptions and scenes in this book that will stay with me for a long time.
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Sexual assault, Sexual harassment
Moderate: Pedophilia, Stalking, Toxic friendship
Minor: Sexual assault