Disturbing, entertaining, and darkly funny, like good fairy tales should be. I didn't have much familiarity with most of the reference texts and still enjoyed it, but imagine a reader who does know those would get even more out of it.

This book of short stories definitely reflects a very weird, specific vision. I really loved the stories whose source material I was familiar with, but the stories with source material I didn't know anything about just came off as too strange to be enjoyable so YMMV based on familiarity with the original stories and/or biblical material.

I have read a bit of Daniel Mallory Ortberg’s The Toast, and enjoyed whatever I read, so I was looking forward to this short read full of fairy-tale retellings. Unfortunately, I don’t think it worked as well as it could have. A lot of the stories were confusing and the endings were far too abrupt for my liking. They didn’t feel like they meant anything. In my opinion, you should read The Daughter Cells, The Rabbit, and The Frog’s Princess. If, after those, you’re feeling up to more, read The Six Boy-Coffins, The Merry Spinster, Good Fences Make Good Neighbors, and then call it a day. The other five stories are just not worth your time. Ultimately, I ended up giving this a lower rating than the average of all of the stories (which was 2.5/5) because it was kind of a trek to get through and I was pretty close to DNF'ing it after just the second story.

The Daughter Cells: A retelling of the Little Mermaid that was pretty horrific, but in an enjoyable way. I was pretty satisfied with the ending on this one. Rating - 4/5

The Thankless Child: A retelling of Cinderella that was so confusing, I had to put this book down for several days in disappointment. I understand that Ortberg was trying to do some experimentation with gender in these stories, but there was so much nonsense about deciding whether to be a husband or a wife that I just didn’t get. I really couldn’t follow this story at all. Rating - 1/5

Fear Not: An Incident Log: Something to do with the Bible that I didn’t understand and didn’t have an ending that felt like a resolution. Rating - 1.5/5

The Six Boy-Coffins: This one was a retelling of The Six Swans (I think I’ve read a retelling of this before, but I don’t know that I have read the original; I had to look it up) and it’s about a king who promises to kill his sons if his wife births a daughter, so then his wife tells her sons to run away, etc., etc. This one wasn’t too bad, but I ultimately didn’t love the fact that the mom wanted to punish her daughter for being born. Rating - 3/5

The Rabbit: A retelling of The Velveteen Rabbit, which I have never read and know nothing about. This one was a very well done horror story. It is scary as all get out and I almost want to throw out any stuffed animals that exist in my house. Rating - 5/5

The Merry Spinster: A retelling of Beauty and the Beast that was kind of nice, although a little bit bland. I felt like the beginning was really well-done, and then the middle was pretty rushed. I actually think I liked the ending, given that I wasn’t a fan of the Beast, and honestly am never really a fan of the Beast in any version of this story. In a note related to the gender experimentation Ortberg was doing in these stories, I’ve read a few reviews of this that say they’re confused about Sylvia being a daughter that uses he/him pronouns, but from what I can tell, he’s actually a son, as he’s referred to as Beauty’s brother several times in the story (although being a girl that uses he/him pronouns is not really that strange either). I didn’t really find that to be a problem with this story. Rating - 3/5

The Wedding Party: I have no idea what this meant to be a retelling of, although it mentioned the Goose Girl in it. I can’t say I understood what happened in this story and again, the ending left me wanting. Rating - 1.5/5

Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad: Again, no idea what this was meant to be a retelling of and I was thoroughly unhappy about the gaslighting that was going on. Rating - 0/5

Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters: I don’t know what this is a retelling of either, but it wasn’t the worst. It was kind of a horror story, but also had a lot of Christianity stuff in it, which isn’t really my cup of tea. I have to say, I wasn’t a fan of the mom. Rating - 2/5

The Frog’s Princess: Obviously, this is a retelling of the Frog Prince. This story has a daughter that uses he/him pronouns, and I can see how that could be off-putting to people, but women who use he/him pronouns exist, so, in my opinion, people should get over it. I really think people made a big deal out of that and couldn’t get through the rest of the story, which was actually pretty good. The creepy frog is creepy and I agreed with the youngest daughter, he didn’t owe the frog anything. I didn’t love the ending, though. Rating - 4/5

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors: Once again, I don’t know what this was meant to be a retelling of. I have to say it was a decent story, but I didn’t like the friend and I didn’t like the ending at all. From what I’ve read of other reviewers, people mostly didn’t even get this far in the book because many of the rest of the stories were so disappointing, but I feel like many of them would have liked this one better than some of the earlier ones. Rating - 3/5

Reviewing short stories is always hard for me because I so rarely enjoy every single one. This one was the same. I enjoyed a few that really twisted those old familiar tales but some of them felt as though I'd read the exact same one before. Still worth the read.
adventurous dark medium-paced

I wasn’t very familiar with some of the source material.

Such a weird book.

Fascinating revisions of classic stories. For me the parts that unsettled me and impressed me were the depictions of emotional abuse and gaslighting in these classic stories, as well as the gender skewing and insights into popular culture.
dark mysterious tense fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven: Plot
Strong character development: N/A
Loveable characters: Complicated
Diverse cast of characters: Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus: N/A
challenging dark