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tophat8855's review against another edition
4.0
Suddenly I am reminded of how much I love to read memoir and personal narrative writing! While very emotional, I enjoy it.
Like the title suggests, there is a huge range of stories in this compilation. The first story starts with surrogacy, which even after considering the range of experience this book might cover, I hadn't expected to find- which was naive of me.
The stories that pulled most at me were the ones without choice: the stories of 16 year olds who got pregnant in the 60s and were never told of any option besides handing their children over to a family they would never meet, the stories of pregnancies ending at 5 months in order for the mother to live. The lack of choice there was heartbreaking. The women whose stories full of choice, whether they chose to continue or end their pregnancies, whether the abortion was effective or failed, whether adoption was really the "best" option, were far more empowering in comparison.
I guess that's why I agree with de Gramont's sentiment on page 320, "The truth is, my new reverence for the process of incubating human life had not undermined my pro-choice beliefs. It had solidified them." The amount of change I have experienced in the past 5 year of my life as a woman and as a mother has given me a new allowance and appreciation for the depth of human experience. "How much easier it is to tell people what to do, how to behave, when you refuse to see them as complicated. How hard it is, to see each person's emotional life as individual and precise, to understand that you cannot understand the whole of another person's burdens" (Bender, 332-333).
So yes, I enjoyed this book, despite the tears.
Like the title suggests, there is a huge range of stories in this compilation. The first story starts with surrogacy, which even after considering the range of experience this book might cover, I hadn't expected to find- which was naive of me.
The stories that pulled most at me were the ones without choice: the stories of 16 year olds who got pregnant in the 60s and were never told of any option besides handing their children over to a family they would never meet, the stories of pregnancies ending at 5 months in order for the mother to live. The lack of choice there was heartbreaking. The women whose stories full of choice, whether they chose to continue or end their pregnancies, whether the abortion was effective or failed, whether adoption was really the "best" option, were far more empowering in comparison.
I guess that's why I agree with de Gramont's sentiment on page 320, "The truth is, my new reverence for the process of incubating human life had not undermined my pro-choice beliefs. It had solidified them." The amount of change I have experienced in the past 5 year of my life as a woman and as a mother has given me a new allowance and appreciation for the depth of human experience. "How much easier it is to tell people what to do, how to behave, when you refuse to see them as complicated. How hard it is, to see each person's emotional life as individual and precise, to understand that you cannot understand the whole of another person's burdens" (Bender, 332-333).
So yes, I enjoyed this book, despite the tears.
afarre01's review against another edition
5.0
Very diverse collection of extremely personal stories. Some were funny, some were sad, and some were difficult to read... I really enjoyed this book.
barbsaj's review against another edition
5.0
This is the best, most inspiring and thought-provoking book I've read in a while. I would recommend it to any woman, and I wish every politician would read it. You know what, really everyone should read it. It wonderfully captures the complexities of reproductive choice. I especially liked Velina Hasu Houston's essay.
claritybear's review against another edition
5.0
This is an incredible collection of essays, all written by wildly different women with a vast array of experiences and yet there is a single voice that comes out of all the stories. A voice that not just asks but demands choice and help and hope when it comes to women's bodies and their lives. The raw honesty and emotional depth with which each woman tackled her story, her experience, her choices (or lack of) is astounding as is the humor and wit that is constant alongside of the horror and grief.
I loved the essay by the woman in her 50's who'd chosen not to have children, as a woman in her early 30's who is in the process of making that choice it is a great support. I believe this book is a must read for everyone, really, everyone.
I loved the essay by the woman in her 50's who'd chosen not to have children, as a woman in her early 30's who is in the process of making that choice it is a great support. I believe this book is a must read for everyone, really, everyone.
erinmp's review against another edition
4.0
Great collection of essays that approach the issue of choice (and choices) from every angle: adoption, abortion, birth control and much more.
traciemasek's review against another edition
4.0
I heard about this book on NPR and wasn't really sure what to expect, but it was really moving in a lot of ways. After reading this and The Kid, I've come to the conclusion that stories about adoption make me cry, but I have no idea why.
erikars's review against another edition
3.0
Finished Choice: True Stories of Birth, Contraception, Infertility, Adoption, Single Parenthood, and Abortion. This is a collection of essays edited by Bender and de Gramont. Like most collections of essays, some are spectacular and some are just okay, hence, the 3 out of 5 rating.
I believe that this book should be read by anyone who cares about reproductive rights and politics, whether they are "pro-choice" or "pro-life". The most important lessons I learned from these essays are these: "choice" is about a lot more than choosing between getting an abortion or carrying a child to term, and reproductive choices are rarely made flippantly or "just for convenience". If nothing else, this book taught me that anyone who thinks that the issue of choice is easy and clearcut is unlikely to have read the stories of real women who have had to make reproductive choices. Abortion is not easy but neither is giving a child up for adoption or keeping it. Fertility treatments are expensive and emotionally exhausting. Being or using a surrogate mother has a social stigma that can ruin lives. And sometimes the choice to adopt is made possible only because some other woman was denied the chance to keep a child she wanted to love.
This is best illustrated with passages from some of the essays that affected me the most.
From "The Ballad of Bobbie Jo" by Jacquelyn Mitchard, discussing the woman who had chosen to be a surrogate mother for the author of the essay,
From "If" by Susan Ito, the story of a mother who was forced to choose between her own life and that of her desperately wanted child,
From "BEARING SORROW: A Birthmother's Reflections on Choice" by Janet Mason Ellerby, Ellerby was a pregnant teenager in the 60s. She was forced to give up her child for adoption, and this scarred her for life. This is just after she found out she was pregnant.
I could go on. But the gist of all the essays is this: Reproduction and building a family is complicated, and the choices involved are not the clearcut, black and white, simple choices that advocates on both sides of the "choice" debate want you to think they are. Although we can debate which choices should be legal, what is certain is this: women need the freedom to make choices and the knowledge and support that will allow them to make the choices that are right for them.
I believe that this book should be read by anyone who cares about reproductive rights and politics, whether they are "pro-choice" or "pro-life". The most important lessons I learned from these essays are these: "choice" is about a lot more than choosing between getting an abortion or carrying a child to term, and reproductive choices are rarely made flippantly or "just for convenience". If nothing else, this book taught me that anyone who thinks that the issue of choice is easy and clearcut is unlikely to have read the stories of real women who have had to make reproductive choices. Abortion is not easy but neither is giving a child up for adoption or keeping it. Fertility treatments are expensive and emotionally exhausting. Being or using a surrogate mother has a social stigma that can ruin lives. And sometimes the choice to adopt is made possible only because some other woman was denied the chance to keep a child she wanted to love.
This is best illustrated with passages from some of the essays that affected me the most.
From "The Ballad of Bobbie Jo" by Jacquelyn Mitchard, discussing the woman who had chosen to be a surrogate mother for the author of the essay,
She carried out son, Atticus — conceived through in vitro fertilization at a clinic in our home state — to a healthy, full-term birth. She endured stinging criticism from friends and strangers, a cesarean birth, and a brutal legal judgment to proudly fulfill all her obligations to us — although fulfilling all her obligations to us cost her everything she thought was real and brought down criticism on all our heads.Bobbie Jo chose to be a surrogate mother. When her husband, who had initially agreed, changed his mind part way through the pregnancy, he convinced the judge in their small southern town that Bobbie Jo was not fit to take care of her own two children.
From "If" by Susan Ito, the story of a mother who was forced to choose between her own life and that of her desperately wanted child,
"Baby needs at least two more weeks for viability. He's already too small, way too small. But you…" He looked at me sadly, shook his head. "You probably can't survive two weeks without having a stroke, seizures, worse." He meant I could die.
…
I signed the papers of consent, my hand moving numbly across the paper, my mind screaming, I do not consent. I do not, I do not.
In the evening, Weiss's associate entered with a tray, a syringe, and a nurse with mournful eyes.
"It's just going to be a be a sting," he said.
And it was: a small tingle, quick pricking bubbles under my navel and then a thing like a tiny drinking straw that went in and out with a barely audible pop. It was so fast. I thought, I love you, I love you, you must be hearing this, please hear me.
From "BEARING SORROW: A Birthmother's Reflections on Choice" by Janet Mason Ellerby, Ellerby was a pregnant teenager in the 60s. She was forced to give up her child for adoption, and this scarred her for life. This is just after she found out she was pregnant.
My body was not my own; perhaps it never had been. When it had escaped my parents control, Alec had immediately taken it up, and when he had abandoned it, a baby had claimed it. It may sound as if I am unwilling to take responsibility for my actions, but in fact, I did not completely understand that my body was my own dominion, that I could say what did and did not happen to it. In significant ways, women were not led to believe that they owned their bodies — the state, their husbands, or their fathers did. I willingly handed my body and my future back to my parents. Their money and authority took over, and I surrendered all bids at self-control I would not be allowed to make another decision for a long, long time.
I could go on. But the gist of all the essays is this: Reproduction and building a family is complicated, and the choices involved are not the clearcut, black and white, simple choices that advocates on both sides of the "choice" debate want you to think they are. Although we can debate which choices should be legal, what is certain is this: women need the freedom to make choices and the knowledge and support that will allow them to make the choices that are right for them.
aharman13's review against another edition
4.0
I really really enjoyed this book, and how it explores the personal side of what is often made political or religious.
scipio_africanus's review against another edition
2.0
Was looking for a well argued defense of abortion, all I got was watery emotional anecdotes.