Reviews tagging 'Emotional abuse'

Know My Name: The Survivor of the Stanford Sexual Assault Case Tells Her Story by Chanel Miller

63 reviews

supermanninja23's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative inspiring reflective sad tense medium-paced

4.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Gaslighting, Grief, Rape, Sexual assault, Injury/Injury detail, Medical trauma, Sexual harassment, Emotional abuse, and Sexual content

Moderate: Mass/school shootings

Minor: Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, and Suicide attempt

fkshg8465's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative inspiring sad medium-paced

5.0

*********NOT spoilers because this was a very public case, but if you don’t know about it, then you may consider my opinion to have spoilers**********

This book was both easy and hard to read. It feels so rare that women are vindicated, and that was the case here. An empty victory, but I was so proud of that California jury. We Asian women are stereotyped and taken advantage of because of those stereotypes. It’s unusual for BIPoC to get justice, to be believed, but when it’s rape, when it’s the victims who are vilified and scrutinized and intimidated and manipulated on the stand, it feels like BIPoC victims have an insurmountable agony. All that said, that damned judge - UGH!!! I feel like he violated her as much as Brock Turner. I hope they and the defense attorney and his parents share an eternal damnation where they are continuously violated and erased over and over and forevermore for legally gaslighting all women through their aggressively limp actions.

The judge being recalled was a very inadequate outcome. He needs to be tormented everyday for all the subpar sentences he’s surely meted out, because Brock was no way the first one he let off easy. As for this rapist whose sentence was pretty much a step removed from a get-out-of-jail-free card, the women in his area are holding him accountable. Still not enough, but at least his “freedom” comes with a lot of strings now - least according to Google.

Looked up Chanel in Instagram. Happy for her - happy that she’s found a way to thrive, though being an assault victim myself, I know she’ll have her haunted moments too. I wish her luck and send her lots of love.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Gaslighting, Grief, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Violence, Blood, Emotional abuse, Suicidal thoughts, Body horror, Body shaming, Bullying, Alcohol, Medical content, Outing, Panic attacks/disorders, Police brutality, Racism, and Sexual harassment

se_wigget's review against another edition

dark emotional informative reflective tense fast-paced

5.0

 

Fuck you, fucking piece of fucking shit fucking victim-blaming fucking rape apologists fucking misogynists. You are the fuck devoid of any redeeming quality.  And that fucking includes you, fucking piece of fucking shit Washington fucking Post. 

This is an intense personal account of the author's experience after rape. It has insightful cultural commentary. Make that... shitculture commentary.

 

"Victims are often, automatically, accused of lying. But when a perpetrator is exposed for lying, the stigma doesn't stick. Why is it that we're wary of victims making false accusations, but rarely consider how many men have blatantly lied about, downplayed, or manipulated others to cover their own actions (p. 191)?" 

 

"Nobody earns the right to rape. It is still rape when he is a good swimmer (p. 249)." 

 

Sexual predators as gaslighters: 

"Society [rape culture] gives women the near impossible task of separating harmlessness from danger, the foresight of knowing what some men are capable of. When we call out assault when we hear it, Trump says, I don't think you understand.  Just words. You are overreacting, overly offended, hysterical, rude [projecting], relax!!! So we dismiss threatening statements and warning signs, apologizing for our [nonexistent] paranoia. We go into a party or meeting thinking it's just a party or meeting.  But when we are taken advantage of, and come crawling back damaged, they say, How could you be so naive, you failed to detect danger, let your guard down, what did you think would happen? Trump made it clear the game is rigged, the rules keep changing. It doesn't matter what you think [or know] is assault, because in the end, he [the sexual predator] decides (p. 278)." 

  

"When society questions a victim's reluctance to report, I will be here to remind you that you ask us to sacrifice our sanity to fight outdated structures that were designed to keep us down (p. 288)." 

 

"This is not a out the victim's lack of effort. It's about society's failure to to have systems in place in which victims feel there's a probable chance of achieving safety, justice, and restoration rather than being traumatized, publicly shamed, psychologically tormented, and verbally mauled. The real question we need to be asking is not, Why didn't she report. The question is, Why would you (p. 288)?" 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Medical trauma, Gaslighting, Bullying, Medical content, Emotional abuse, Rape, Sexual harassment, Misogyny, Sexism, Injury/Injury detail, Physical abuse, Racism, Sexual assault, and Sexual violence

wquindley's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad tense medium-paced

5.0

this is my first 5 star read of the year. this book is amazing and chanel’s ability to write her story so eloquently is admirable. my chest hurt so much while reading this book, and as much as i thought i knew about r*pe cases in courts, i really had no clue how much injustice really existed. every time i thought it was finally over, chanel and her family and friends finally had the ending they wanted something else would come up. i didn’t realize that a guilty sentence does not mean case closed. it is not that easy. it is so messed up and unfathomable how many injustices occur in the court system.  chanel’s strength was insane and i felt the anger, the sadness, the frustration, the empathy with every setback, every negative comment, every person who made grossly inaccurate, invalidating, inconsistent claims about victims. i’m so grateful that chanel was empowered enough to keep going and had the support to because her story is so important and inspiring for others. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Alcohol, Mass/school shootings, and Gun violence

Moderate: Sexism, Emotional abuse, Police brutality, and Racism

jeanettesreadingcorner's review against another edition

challenging emotional hopeful inspiring sad tense medium-paced

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Death, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Alcohol, Mass/school shootings, Sexual harassment, Bullying, Classism, Injury/Injury detail, Panic attacks/disorders, Grief, Gun violence, Police brutality, Sexual violence, Blood, Rape, Emotional abuse, and Medical content

Moderate: Police brutality, Suicidal thoughts, and Suicide

silver_lining_in_a_book's review against another edition

challenging emotional hopeful informative inspiring sad tense slow-paced

5.0

 

I survived because I remained soft, because I listened, because I wrote. Because I huddled close to my truth, protected it like a tiny flame in a terrible storm. Hold up your head when the tears come, when you are mocked, insulted, questioned, threatened, when they tell you you are nothing, when your body is reduced to openings. The journey will be longer than you imagined, trauma will find you again and again. Do not become the ones who hurt you. Stay tender with your power. Never fight to injure, fight to uplift. Fight because you know that in this life, you deserve safety, joy, and freedom. Fight because it is your life. Not anyone else’s. I did it, I am here. Looking back, all the ones who doubted or hurt or nearly conquered me faded away, and I am the only one standing. So now, the time has come. I dust myself off, and go on.

This is one of the most powerful, heart-wrenching memoirs I have ever read. It took me some time to get into it, particularly due to the seemingly monotonous voice Miller used at the start of the audiobook. Only later did I figure out that this was part of the experience; as the book went along, Miller's pain, confusion and disappointment with the justice system came across more and more. She beautifully captures the fight against self-loathing and self-isolation that many experience to different degrees but very few can put into words quite like her.

I think this is not something recent survivors or people who are too empathetic or compassionate should necessarily push themselves to read. It is such an important book, but don't rush it - read it when you are ready, you won't regret waiting. Some may also find it to be hard to get through, but I would recommend pushing through, the end (which is only the beginning of a new stage of Miller's life) is worth it. Finally, another complaint might be that the book is repetitive or too graphic, but again I think that this serves a purpose. It mirrors the invasive and cyclical nature of the court system; it's dry, continuous, tedious and far too invasive for the victims.

Overall, I do not find that it would be right for me to criticise this book. It did what it was written to do and it did so lyrically, emotionally and incredibly truthfully. It cannot receive anything less than 5/5 stars. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Sexual harassment, and Sexual content

Moderate: Suicide, Misogyny, Mass/school shootings, Rape, Vomit, Sexism, and Gun violence

Minor: Physical abuse, Alcohol, Injury/Injury detail, Emotional abuse, Grief, Medical content, Racism, Death, and Domestic abuse

sarah_hutchins's review against another edition

emotional hopeful inspiring reflective medium-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Rape

Moderate: Emotional abuse, Grief, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexism, Mental illness, and Misogyny

Minor: Suicide, Mass/school shootings, and Gun violence

bdilley28's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful inspiring sad medium-paced

5.0

This is possibly the best book I have ever read. I started this book without truly knowing what it was about, and I finished it in tears, feeling inspired. This book is painful, beautiful, heavy, and encouraging, and everyone should read this. The small moments of hope in the Swedes who saved Chanel, the doorwomen of her apartment, the old man on the bench, Alaleh, Tiffany, Lucas, and Chanel's own voice reading the audiobook were a comforting hug in a book riddled with trauma. I will never stop recommending this book to anyone I ever meet.

Favorite Quote: "It is not a question of if you will survive this, but what beautiful things await you when you do." 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual assault, Suicide attempt, Alcohol, Gaslighting, Suicide, Emotional abuse, Hate crime, Rape, Panic attacks/disorders, Grief, Gun violence, Medical trauma, and Mental illness

ksuazo94's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative inspiring sad tense medium-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Sexual assault, Violence, Grief, Alcohol, and Drug abuse

Moderate: Racial slurs and Gaslighting

Minor: Body horror, Classism, Death, and Emotional abuse

noceur's review against another edition

emotional inspiring sad tense medium-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcohol, Mass/school shootings, Sexual assault, Rape, Sexual violence, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Emotional abuse, and Physical abuse

Moderate: Racism, Suicidal thoughts, and Gun violence